2023- A year best soaked in Donald Trump's flop sweat and set ablaze
It was a year only a Republican (or a Packers fan) could truly love
Anything is a waste of time unless you are fucking well or creating well or getting well or looming toward a kind of phantom-love-happiness.
Charles Bukowski
This is definitely not my underwear.
Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man
Now that 2023 is winding down to its inevitable denouement, the only thing left to say about it is the same thing we say every year at about this time: Good f*****g riddance!
There was nothing particularly wrong with 2023, of course. Like every year, it was more about operator error than anything else. Yes, once again, Mankind managed to screw the pooch BIGLY. War, famine, genocide, global climate change- take your pick; we’re doing a bang-up job of turning the only home we have into the planetary version of a garbage scow.
If I were a member of our children’s or grandchildren’s generation, I’d be PISSED. Where generations once endeavored to leave future generations a better world than the one they inherited, we’re sucking the world for as much value as we can, and then we’ll turn over the shriveled husk of what’s left to those who come after us.
What comes after tomorrow? Who cares? We won’t be here for it, will we?
Politically, the world seems to be circling the drain. The world’s only remaining superpower is teetering on the brink of dictatorship as it contemplates putting a madman back in power…before he’s put in prison.
The world’s wannabe/used-to-be superpower IS controlled by a madman who’s bent on reconstituting the USSR. He’s already wasted the lives of several hundred thousand of his fellow citizens in pursuit of this vision…not that he’s noticed or cared. Whether one life or 100,000, it’s about glory for Russia…and Vladimir Putin.
Russia’s meatgrinder war of aggression in Ukraine continued into its second year. Outside of bombing civilian areas and turning parts of Ukraine into parking lots, Russia has made little actual progress in its drive to bring Ukraine under Russia’s benevolent control.
Russia responded to the military stalemate by recruiting thousands of prisoners and launching them at Ukrainian positions with little training. Who needs training for human wave assaults? That these assaults turned into bloodbaths that won Russia little save for emptied prisons was unsurprising. They were little more than target practice for Ukrainian infantry, who must have thought that Christmas had come early.
Our world became a wee bit more connected in 2023, bringing all the attendant benefits and problems. Most notably, Elon Musk continued to drive Twitter into the ground with questionable business decisions that did little more than drive advertisers away. Initially purchased for a staggering $44 billion, the company is now estimated to be worth barely half that.
Musk changed the name of the social media platform to “X,” which was supposed to be the first building block of a suite of services that Musk would provide to users. In true Musk fashion, those services have yet to materialize, and there’s no word on when, or even if, they will.
Ah, the promise of vaporware….
With 2024 being a Presidential election year, the craziness has already begun to crank up. The GOP field features a not overwhelming amalgamation of Presidential never-will-bes who all trail Donald Trump in the early polls by upwards of thirty percentage points. Because of this, Trump hasn’t bothered with any of the GOP debates…and why would he? He’s left the other candidates to fight it out among themselves for (a very distant) first loser second place.
Meanwhile, President Joe Biden has turned the economy around. Inflation and unemployment are down, as is the price of gas, milk, eggs, and other staples. Judging by most of the relevant economic indicators, things are looking up. Yet, if you listen to Republicans and many Americans, they continue to believe the American economy is still in the toilet.
Donald Trump continues to pound the talking point that the economy sucks, though he has no evidence to prove his argument. Not that lack of evidence has ever hampered Orange Jesus before. He’s a Magna Cum Loudly graduate from the Josef Goebbels School of Propaganda- repeat something with sufficient frequency and fervor, and it will soon be accepted as factual, regardless of its veracity or lack thereof.
Trump has dominated 2023, as few others have dominated a calendar year. It’s been the Apricot Asshole 24/7/365, and, like many Americans, I’m sick to death of his corpulent orange visage polluting my television screen. No matter the medium- television, radio, online, you name it- it’s the Peach Parasite all day, every day. It’s sickening and disgusting, but given Trump’s massive ego, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
There were a few things that were firmly established this year:
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) is Trump’s bottom
Being “pro-life” and “pro-guns” isn’t at all inconsistent for Republicans
Mass shootings won’t spur swift action in the Tennessee Legislature, but Drag Queen Story Hour sure as Hell will
Republicans have voted down or refused to cooperate with any efforts to resolve the immigration crisis, but they’ll use that lack of resolution to refuse to approve aid to Ukraine or Israel
We learned Republicans believe that responding negatively to their free speech is “threatening their free speech rights through intimidation”
Everything bad in America is Joe Biden’s fault…and everything good began during Donald Trump’s term in office
Elon Musk is a “free speech absolutist”…as long as it’s Right-wing speech or, even more importantly, HIS speech
The 14th Amendment means nothing…unless it can be used against Joe Biden
So, as we exit the tattered and beleaguered realm of 2023 for the fresh, new, and exciting climes of 2024, there are a few things that seem certain:
2024 will suck, albeit for reasons altogether different than 2023
Donald Trump will be convicted of criming, or he won’t
He’ll be fitted for an orange jumpsuit and do time in a federal lock-up…or he won’t
Orange Jesus will continue quoting Adolf Hitler…and then commit perjury by claiming the words as his own
Climate change will continue to have its way with the world, making storms and natural disasters even worse
More people will die from mass shootings
The market for “thoughts and prayers” will make enterprising entrepreneurs rich beyond their wildest dreams because
Nothing will be done to protect civilians from mass shootings
Tennessee will, however, work furiously to find a way to protect children from being sexualized by drag shows
A federal court will shoot down that law as an unconstitutional violation of the 1st Amendment
Melania Trump will be revealed to have been a cleverly designed Slovenian hologram and not a real person
Barron Trump will defect to Canada, where he will apply for and receive political asylum and be adopted and co-parented by Justin Trudeau and Justin Bieber
Elon Musk will be caught in flagrante delicto with the entire starting lineup for the NBA’s Detroit Pistons, who will be so ashamed that they will disband and move to Kazakhstan, where they come together, play in, and dominate the Kazakh Basketball Association
Musk will subsequently sell Twitter/X for four pregnant goats, one milk cow, and a ‘64 Ford Fairlane with bald tires
Canada could do FAR better, don’tchathink??
Beyond that, who knows what surprises 2024 will have for us? Will we be blessed with world peace? Are the Minnesota Vikings finally going to win a Super Bowl? Will artificial intelligence learn to perform our jobs for us? And did I mention world peace?
Here’s to hoping 2024 will be filled with peace, happiness, and prosperity. Of course, we say that every year….but this year, we MEAN it, right?
Youbetcha!! Happy New Year, y’all!!!
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