"A Christian Nationalist's wet dream"

Donald Trump was born to grift...now he's pushing a MAGA Bible

I’m old enough to remember the days when we could assume that the person in the White House would understand the history and gravitas of the office. Of course, Joe Biden has resumed that tradition, but for four years, Donald Trump shat upon virtually every tradition associated with the Presidency. If it didn’t feed his ego or make him money, he wasn’t interested.

Even during his Inauguration, he stopped in front of his Willard Hotel, as if to turn the moment into an unpaid advertisement for one of his properties. During his time in office, he made billions from those individuals and governments who wished to curry favor with the American President.

For Donald Trump, being President was an opportunity to continue his lifelong grift on an epic level. He used his bully pulpit like an entrepreneur might use Shark Tank- as an opportunity to introduce their product to the world at no cost to themselves.

Since his abortive coup attempt and leaving the White House under a cloud, Trump has continued the grift; it’s in his DNA. Now, more than ever, he’s doing it because he’s in dire financial straits. Facing numerous legal challenges and the potential for judgements against him that could approach $1 BILLION, Trump needs to make money, and a lot of it, or face the prospect of potentially losing assets.

So, what’s his latest grift, you ask? How is he trying to separate the suckers in his MAGA base from yet more of their money? How about by selling…Bibles??

As

Hemant Mehta

tells us, Donald Trump, who’s a Christian in the same way I’m a Nobel Physics laureate, is selling “God Bless the USA” Bibles. Yes, what better way to buttress your belief that God’s an American (and a MAGA Republican) than by sending Orange Jesus $59.99 for a personally sanctified copy of the “God Bless the USA” Bible.

Soon, you, too, can feel the power. Or maybe that’s just last night’s Taco Bell coming back on you. It can be hard to discern the difference sometimes.

In a predictable attempt to take more money from his conservative base, Donald Trump is now selling copies of the Bible. Just in time for Easter.

But as with all things Trump, there’s nothing original about this product. He’s just putting his branding on it, hoping that his endorsement leads to more sales.

The “God Bless the USA” Bible includes the KJV text, along with the text of the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Declaration of Independence, the Pledge of Allegiance, and (the kicker) the “handwritten chorus” of Lee Greenwood’s famous song.

It’s a Christian Nationalist’s wet dream.

Yes, there’s nothing quite like some good, old-fashioned White Nationalism to go with your Christianity, eh? Just like the Good Lord intended.

Because, if memory serves, didn’t God write the Constitution?

… Religion and Christianity are the biggest things missing from this country, and I truly believe that we need to bring them back, and we have to bring them back fast. I think it's one of the biggest problems we have. That's why our country is going haywire. We've lost religion in our country. All Americans need a Bible in their home, and I have many. It's my favorite book…

…

… In the end, we do not answer to bureaucrats in Washington. We answer to God in Heaven. Christians are under siege. We must protect content that is pro-God. We love God, and we have to protect anything that is pro-God… Our Founding Fathers did a tremendous thing when they built America on Judeo-Christian values. Now that foundation is under attack, perhaps as never before…

…

… I think you all should get a “God Bless the USA” Bible now and help spread our Christian values with others. There you have it. Let's make America pray again. God bless you and God bless the USA.

Praise the Lord and pass the Bud Light…and if you believe Donald Trump is a faithful, practicing Christian, I have an ice fishing hut in Puerto Vallarta I’d love to sell you.

We haven’t “lost” religion in America; Americans in ever-larger numbers are stepping away from organized religion because they don’t believe it speaks to them. They don’t believe that a “one size fits all” faith tradition is an approach that fits their spirituality.

Or perhaps they (like me) don’t believe in a Supreme Being. Maybe they find it difficult to suspend disbelief and accept the existence of something or someone they can’t see, touch, or experience. In so much of our lives, we’re taught not to accept things that can’t be physically or visually experienced. Yet when it comes to religion, we’re expected to suspend that training and accept the existence of a Supreme Being purely on faith.

Oh, and to send $59.99 to Donald Trump for a copy of the “God Bless the USA” Bible to make our commitment to Jesus official.

But, rest assured, the Bible is Trump’s “favorite book,” insofar as he reads at all.

It’s his “favorite book,” he says… even though when he was asked in 2015 to share his favorite verse, he couldn’t think of a single one. When that was followed up with a question about whether he prefers the Old or New Testament, Trump responded, “Probably equal.”

Anyway, it’s not clear what Trump’s personal involvement is here—or how much of a cut he gets for every copy sold—but it’s a perfect opportunity to remind conservative Christian voters that their faith and his politics are intertwined. He’s quite literally pandering to Christians, selling them something they already own (and could easily get for free) at a time when he’s desperate for cash.

I’ve never known a time when I would’ve had to pay for a Bible. I’ve had people try to hand me Bibles on city streets, I’ve found Bibles in side tables in hotel rooms, and I’ve seen stacks of free Bible in lobbies of conference centers.

My point is that it’s highly unlikely that any American would ever have to pay for a Bible, not with all of the Evangelicals blanketing this country like a cheap suit. If you stood on a street corner in any major city and screamed, “I need a Bible!” you’d probably have one in your hands inside of five minutes.

So why would anyone send $59.99 (plus egregiously inflated shipping and handling) to Orange Jesus for a Christian Nationalist Bible? Unless they’re looking for something that confirms their Christian Nationalism over their Christianity?

[T]he backstory behind this book may be even more interesting than Trump’s personal involvement.

This supposedly patriotic Bible was first advertised in 2021, slated for publication on the 20th anniversary of 9/11. It was $49.99 at the time—I guess Trump’s endorsement jacked up the price. But when it was initially announced, there was serious pushback in Christian circles.

That’s because the NIV translation used in that particular Bible meant it presumably had a stamp of approval from Zondervan, one of the largest Christian book publishers in the world. One petition made the concerns explicit:

This is a toxic mix that will exacerbate the challenges to American evangelicalism, adding fuel to the Christian nationalism and anti-Muslim sentiments found in many segments of the evangelical church.

That petition called for Zondervan/HarperCollins to cease publication of this book.

Get your mind out of the gutter. That’s not why the pages are sticky….

Since Donald Trump descended the Trump Tower escalator in Manhattan in 2015, the Evangelical movement within the Christian church has been poisoned by a toxic mix of Christian Nationalism and anti-Muslim hatred. Instead of focusing on their core beliefs and the Gospel of Jesus Christ, many Evangelicals have become heartless, mean-spirited assholes, more focused on politics than Christianity.

(Ironically, I’m currently reading Tim Alberta’s The Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory: American Evangelicals in an Age of Extremism. I’m not a Christian, but I was raised around that culture, and two of my brothers are Evangelicals. Alberta’s book is a fascinating examination of how the American Evangelicalism has degraded from a loving movement focus on converting souls to Jesus Christ to an angry, hateful faction focused on the deification of Donald Trump.

Alberta himself is an Evangelical, as was his late father, who was a pastor, so the book is an insider’s look at where things went wrong and the people who’ve led the Evangelical church off course. If you haven’t read it, I’d highly recommend it…and this is coming from an atheist who normally wants nothing to do with Christianity.)

A handful of popular progressive Christians—some of whom had written books for the same publisher—also denounced the project:

American nationalism is its own civil religion, where America rather than Jesus is the center of attention. Instead of Jesus and the Church being the light of the world and the hope for humanity, America becomes the Messianic force in the world…. It has its own theology — manifest destiny, the doctrine of discovery and American exceptionalism. And this is precisely why it is dangerous to mesh patriotism with orthodox Christian faith.

After all, the Bible does not say “God bless America.” It says, “God so loved the world.” The national anthem should not be in the church hymnal, and the Pledge of Allegiance to the United States should not be in the Bible.

…

We don’t need to add anything to the Bible. We just need to live out what it already says.

At a time when many Americans were still coming to terms with Christian Nationalism, this was an explicit attempt to merge church and state in a way that made many Christians uncomfortable. (Ah, the good old days.)

Incredibly, the pushback had an effect.

HarperCollins, along with its Christian imprints Zondervan and Thomas Nelson, said they would not be publishing the book at all. In fact, they said they never even finalized a contract; the project was announced prematurely.

But now that book is back. It has been resurrected. And this time, it’s using the (non-trademarked) KJV text with Trump’s stamp of approval. (“Yes, this is the only Bible endorsed by President Trump!” says the website’s FAQ.)

Perhaps this has been the greatest fear of the segment of the Evangelical church not taken in by Donald Trump. They don’t want to see the Bible and their faith politicized by someone who’s a Christian like the New York Jets are a perennial Super Bowl contender.

There are still Evangelicals who believe that they are called to win souls for Jesus Christ, not votes for Donald Trump, though the poison that’s infected their community has made that increasingly difficult.

But, in perhaps the most serious indication that if Jesus were real, and if He were to come back to Earth, He’d be flipping tables in the Temple from sunup to sundown is a question asked by

Jeff Tiedrich

- what kind of dipshit buys a bible from a racist adulterer?

He’s not wrong….

Little Donny Fuckface is what would happen if the seven Deadly Sins became a real boy. let’s run through the list: pride — yup. greed — you betcha. lust — just ask Ivanka. envy — no shit. gluttony — have you seen his waistline? wrath — ducked any ketchup bottles lately? sloth — the lazy fuck drives his golf cart right up onto the green.

so it’s only natural that the quadrice-indicted twice-impeached popular-vote-losing adderall-huffing insurrection-leading testimony-ducking judge-threatening lawyer-ignoring witness-tampering day-one-dictatoring disabled-veteran-dishonoring inheritance-squandering rube-fleecing clown-makeup-smearing language-mangling serial-sexual-predating draft-dodging casino-bankrupting butler-bullying daughter-perving hush-money-paying real-estate-scamming bone-spur-faking ketchup-hurling justice-obstructing classified-war-plan-thieving golf-cheating weather-map-defacing horse-paste-promoting paper-towel-flinging race-baiting tax-evading evidence-destroying charity-defrauding money-laundering diaper-filling 88-count fluorescent tangerine felony factory is hawking Bibles now.

Like a freakin’ snake oil salesman….

Not that it should come as a shock to anyone that MAGA now has an official Bible. Donald Trump has shat upon everything else; it was only a matter of time before he soiled America’s majority religion…and for MAGA to applaud him for it.

now I hear you asking, what manner of clownfuckery is this “God Bless The USA Bible” that Trump is hawking?

you’ll no doubt be shocked to learn that it’s the King James Bible packaged together with some Christian Nationalist bullshit.

The “God Bless The USA Bible” received heightened attention since the outset due to its overt political features.

The text includes the U.S. Constitution, Bill of Rights, Declaration of Independence, Pledge of Allegiance, and the lyrics to the chorus to Greenwood’s “God Bless The USA.” Critics saw it as a symbol of Christian nationalism, a right-wing movement that believes the U.S. was founded as a Christian nation.

so there you have it. Trump is basically pushing a MAGA Bible that’s the brainchild of Lee Greenwood, the country singer responsible for that awful load of post-9/11 jingoism-set-to-music known as “God Bless the USA.”

Fear not, faithful Christians, for when you begin to feel the foundation of your faith shaking, just look back on this quote (**satire alert**) from the MAGA Bible by

John Pavlovitz

, who actually is a pastor:

2 Republicans, Chapter 9, verse 10:
"And MAGA Jesus said, 'Men, if your right eye causes you to stumble—it’s the woman’s fault. Reprimand her for her clothing choices and for the curves of her body and for her desire to walk around wearing what feels comfortable to her. Never allow your lack of decency, self-control, or toxic misogyny to cost you an ogling eye, when you can simply blame the victim. As a matter of fact, just legislate away their autonomy altogether.’ "

It’s precisely What Jesus Would Do, no?

No…but who cares? He’s not real, anyway. If Jesus did exist, you can bet he’d be White, American, and, most importantly, a MAGA Republican. He’d kick ass and take names, seal our southern border, and stop coddling the homeless and those addicted to alcohol and drugs.

And, when someone dared to attack the Homeland, He’d turn their sorry-ass excuse for a country into a parking lot.

Turn the other cheek, my ass….

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