Alina Habba- If she's hot enough, no one will notice that she's a terrible lawyer

It doesn't matter, because her career will turn to shit after representing Orange Jesus

Pretty doesn't make up for being a terrible lawyer

“Somebody said to me, 'Alina would you rather be smart or pretty,' and I said, 'Oh easy, pretty. I can fake being smart.'”

• Alina Habba

Some Conservative women put a lot of stock in their physical appearance as if being pretty can get them things they want…or into and/or out of situations. In some cases, they’re correct. Too many men tend to think with the wrong head.

Alina Habba, the most attractive attorney in Donald Trump’s stable of legal brains, is used as much for distraction purposes as for her legal mind…probably more so, as it turns out that she’s not much of a legal mind. She does, however, have a killer body, which is enough to make most men forget her shortcomings in the courtroom. They can dream about teaching her a thing or two in the bedroom (calm down, boys… she's married with kids).

I feel sorry for the poor guy who wakes up next to her every morning. That can’t be fun.

Trump super-lawyer Alina Habba was on some wingnut podcast or other on Thursday, who the hell can even keep track anymore, these things flare up more often than herpes, and she managed for once in her miserable career representing former President Oompa Loompa to say something vaguely honest.

One of the hosts of the PBD Podcast asked Habba if Trump had hired her because she’s hot. (Obviously the answer is “Yes” because Trump is famous for hiring people based on their looks.)

It’s at this point she essentially admits that her usefulness to Orange Jesus isn’t for her incisive legal mind….

Okay! When does she plan on starting to fake being smart? Because she does a lot of dumb stuff that leaves even halfway competent lawyers scratching their heads.

For instance, just a few hours after she recorded that podcast, Habba was on national TV telling the Supreme Court to honor an implicit quid pro quo with her client.

Habba was appearing on Sean Hannity’s show to discuss the recent ruling by Colorado’s supreme court that Trump should be left off the upcoming GOP primary ballot due to having done an insurrection, which the Constitution pretty clearly says is a no-no for officeholders. Trump has appealed to SCOTUS, but he’s reportedly nervous that the Court will rule against him.

Habba, however, has quite the solution — she called out SCOTUS, specifically Justice Barf O’Kavanaugh, and more or less said hey, Spanky, you owe Mr. Trump one:

“You know people like Kavanaugh ― who the president fought for, who the president went through hell to get into place ― he’ll step up,” she said. “Those people will step up. Not because they’re pro-Trump but because they’re pro-law. Because they’re pro-fairness, and the law on this is very clear.”

Hear that, Mr. I Like Beer? Trump defended your whiny ass to make your career goal of reaching the Supreme Court happen, and now it’s time to return the favor, lest you wake up one morning and find a bloodied six-iron in your bed.

Perhaps in Mango Mussolini’s mobbed-up world, a tit-for-tat is a thing that means something, but in the legal world, particularly the rarified air of the Supreme Court, a quid pro quo isn’t supposed to be part of the vocabulary.

Donald Trump doesn’t “own” the three justices he appointed. They owe him nothing, so the idea of an “implicit quid pro quo” should be meaningless…except in the twisted mind of Orange Jesus, who believes that “his” justices owe him a favor.

Yeah, that’s not how these things work, genius….

For Alina Habba, who’s not a complete moron, to say that “people like Kavanaugh- who the President fought for” will “step up”…well, what’s that supposed to mean? Not because they’re “pro-Trump” or “pro-law,” but because they’re “pro-fairness.”

Yeah, Donny did him a solid…and when the time comes, Donny knows that Brett will do right by him…if he knows what’s good for him. Right, Brett??

Did we suddenly wake up in the middle of an episode of The Sopranos? Is Tony calling in favors to get out of a tight spot with the law? And is Alina Habba the messenger making sure that Justice Kavanaugh gets the message loud and clear?

Hey, Brett…we know someone paid off your credit card debt and country club membership…and we’d really hate for the identity of your benefactor to become public knowledge, knowhutimean??

In the wake of the Dobbs leak, it’s neat that everyone apparently thinks they can lean on Supreme Court justices to get what they want like they are common Ukrainian presidents or something. Really helping with the Supreme Court’s whole credibility problem at a time when only something like a little over a third of the country thinks its decisions are on the up-and-up.

This was not the first time Habba has tried to fake being smart, only to trip over herself and land on her attractive-but-dumb ass.

There was the time very recently when Habba got sued for allegedly pretending to be representing a Trump Bedminster employee suing the club for sexual harassment. The employee claims now that Habba was secretly representing Trump and trying to steer her into a cheap settlement. This is what is known in legal circles as “being so unethical and corrupt that even Saul Goodman would be appalled.”

There was also the time she went on TV to snarl that the Department of Justice was unfairly charging Trump with the “mundane” crime of “espionage.”

Then there was the very fun time when Trump could not have a jury hear his civil fraud trial in New York because his incredibly smart lawyer Alina Habba forgot to check a box on a form requesting one.

Alina, you had ONE fucking job….

Something about faking being smart, eh?

It's too bad she can’t fake being pretty.

There was the nuisance RICO suit where Trump sued like half of America for claiming he had colluded with Russia to win the 2016 election, just because multiple government investigations found that he colluded with Russia to win the 2016 election. A judge dismissed that suit — out of a cannon into the sun — before fining Habba and her client a million dollars for abusing the court system by filing frivolous lawsuits. Not that that has stopped them, of course.

Seriously, the woman has not only lost just about every legal action she’s brought on Trump’s behalf the last three years, but she has had multiple judges in multiple jurisdictions absolutely eviscerate her arguments for being really, really, really fucking stupid.

One would not be far wrong if one were to conclude that Alina Habba is really, really, really fucking stupid. And a terrible lawyer. But she’s pretty and has a killer body…so she’s OK in Donald Trump’s book.

Where does he find such crappy lawyers? Well, it’s entirely possible that no barrister who cares at all for their professional reputation would go within 20 miles of Orange Jesus. Because, as we all know, everything Trump touches turns to shit.

Then there’s the question of whether Trump will pay his legal bills. If you were an attorney, would you take on a client with such a shabby payment record (and who allegedly smells like offal)? How far down the toilet would your career have to be for an attorney to agree to take on the smirking monkey that is Orange Jesus as a client? And then bearing that stench (literal and figurative) and stigma for the rest of your life?

The worst thing would be knowing that your professional reputation would almost certainly never recover from the association with the Round Mound of Ambulatory Bullshit ©. Imagine advertising for business on buses and park benches and working out of a seedy strip mall instead of a posh 57th-floor corner office.

That might be where Habba Law is headed, and we’re just along for the trip down the Expressway to Hell. But at least she’s pretty, right??

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