"Contigo Jenni"- When a kiss isn't a kiss because you didn't ask for permission
Consent is not just a quaint concept....
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw, Major Barbara
How many consuming fires can there be in the words: freedom, peace and democracy and how easy they can be extinguished by ignorance, stupidity and arrogance?
Sorin Cerin, Wisdom Collection: The Book of Wisdom
An old Army drill sergeant had a saying that he used to scream at my platoon during basic training. At the time, it pissed me off more often than not because the man spent most of his time screaming at us, and it was easy to tune him out. As I’ve grown older, though, I’ve come to recognize the wisdom in the six words he berated us with daily:
“ONE F**K-UP CAN OBLITERATE TWENTY ‘ATTABOYS!!’“
Those words should be the title of the unauthorized biography of Luis Rubiales.
At this point, I suspect few will remember or care what good the Spanish Football Association President may have done. I don’t know enough of his career history to have an opinion. What I do know is this:
That was Rubiales kissing Spanish player Jenni Hermoso in the celebration after Spain had defeated England in the Women’s World Cup final. The picture doesn’t give much away, but it was clear from what Ms. Hermoso had to say that the kiss was neither consensual nor her idea.
Rubiales, now desperate to save his job, claims that the kiss was mutual and a product of the euphoria of the moment.
After the World Cup final in Sydney on Sunday, Mr. Rubiales was captured on video kissing Ms. Hermoso, a Spanish forward, fully on the lips. In a post-match video, she was seen apparently making her distaste known, saying, “Hey, but I didn’t like that!”
Mr. Rubiales, who had offered a tepid apology on Monday as the outrage began to grow, offered a drastically different account on Friday. Ms. Hermoso, he said, lifted him off his feet and “moved me close to her body.”
In a statement released earlier this week by the soccer federation in Ms. Hermoso’s name, she was quoted as saying of the soccer chief’s actions, “It was a totally spontaneous mutual gesture because of the huge joy of winning a World Cup.”
But on Wednesday, Ms. Hermoso demanded through her union that “measures” be taken against Mr. Rubiales. And on Thursday, after receiving at least four complaints, the National Sports Council threatened to disqualify him from public office for violating the country’s law on sexual violence in sports if the federation did not fire him first.
In the statement from the players on Friday, Ms. Hermoso emphasized that no consent for the kiss had been given.
“I want to clarify that, as seen in the images, at no time did I consent to the kiss he gave me,” Ms. Hermoso wrote. “I do not tolerate my word being questioned, much less that it be made-up words that I haven’t said.”
Unprepared for the backlash, Rubiales insisted that the kiss was “free, mutual, and consensual.”
But if it was what Rubiales claims, why is Ms. Hermoso contradicting him? And doesn’t it usually take a woman saying “YES” for something to be considered consensual?
[Rubiales] added that he would take Yolanda Diaz, the second deputy prime minister, and other prominent Spanish politicians to court after they sought his resignation for what they called “harassment.” Ms. Diaz responded that “Mr. Rubiales still doesn’t know what he’s done.”
Iker Casillas, a retired goalkeeper who played for the men’s national team, wrote on X, formerly known as Twitter, immediately after Mr. Rubiales spoke that his comments “make you cringe.”
The encounter between Ms. Hermoso and Mr. Rubiales took place not far from where Queen Letizia of Spain was standing onstage as she congratulated the team for its 1-0 victory over England. (Mr. Rubiales did offer an apology on Friday for grabbing his crotch during the post-match celebrations, in the vicinity of the queen.)
Sorry, Your Highness…but boys will be boys, no?
Perhaps, realizing that he was in an exceedingly delicate and indefensible position, Rubiales decided that his only option was to go on the defensive.
Yes, he would defend the indefensible, just like a politician who loves his gravy train and wants to do everything within his power to continue riding it, precisely the position Luis Rubiales finds himself in.
As video of the episode spread on social media and many Spaniards reacted with disgust, accusing him of perpetuating a long legacy of sexism in the sport, Mr. Rubiales tried various approaches to defusing the controversy.
His first response, before leaving Australia, was to remain adamant that he had done nothing wrong. He said of his critics, “We shouldn’t pay attention to idiots and stupid people.”
This only fueled further condemnation of his behavior in Spain, with the minister of culture and sport demanding an explanation and pointing out that it was unacceptable to congratulate soccer players by kissing them on the lips.
Other prominent politicians demanded Mr. Rubiales’s resignation, with the minister of equality accusing him of sexual violence. FIFA also opened disciplinary proceedings.
FIFA, soccer’s international governing body, has opened disciplinary proceedings against Rubiales, suspending him while the inquiry continues. Spain’s state-run National Sports Council has come out in support of FIFA’s investigation.
But Rubiales has remained defiant, showing no inclination to concede to the increasing international pressure for him to step down.
At a federation meeting on Friday where he had been widely expected to step down, Rubiales instead refused to quit, seeking to defend his behaviour and calling the kiss "spontaneous, mutual, euphoric and consensual".
Again, Hermoso has been adamant that she never gave consent to Rubiales.
So, if only one side claims that the kiss was “spontaneous, mutual, euphoric and consensual,” was it?
The only conceivable answer is that it emphatically wasn’t and that Rubiales is impugning Ms. Hermoso’s integrity to save his job.
In a statement hours before FIFA's move on Saturday, the federation said it would show there had been lies told about what happened by Hermoso or people speaking for her and that it would "initiate the corresponding legal actions" to defend Rubiales' honour, without specifying what that would entail.
In what seems like a case of Luis Rubiales placing ego over dignity, his actions also show an undeniable degree of toxic masculinity that has run rampant in Spanish soccer for years. That this incident brought the problem to the surface has focused attention on a culture that has too often allowed men to use women for their own gratification.
Though the blowback within Spain and the international community has been intense, within and outside the world of soccer, there isn’t universal agreement on what happened and/or the gravity of the moment.
That seems odd because the question is straightforward: Did Ms. Hermoso provide consent or not? If she didn’t, then what Rubiales did constitutes sexual assault, at the very least in a philosophical sense, if not a legal one.
Hermoso has said she was initially pressured to say that the kiss was consensual and that she’d welcomed it. That she’s since confirmed she didn’t provide consent has only deepened the controversy.
Then there’s the saga of Rubiales’ mother, who has proclaimed her son’s innocence, locked herself in a church, and gone on a hunger strike until the “witch hunt which my son is being subjected to” ends.
The mother of embattled Spanish football federation (RFEF) president Luis Rubiales has locked herself in a church and said she is on hunger strike in protest at her son's treatment, Rubiales' cousin confirmed on Monday.
Ángeles Béjar shut herself inside the church of the Divine Shepherdess in Rubiales' hometown of Motril, Andalusia, on Monday, EFE reported.
She said her protest would continue until the "inhuman, bloodthirsty witch hunt which my son is being subjected to" came to an end….
Béjar told EFE her protest would continue "indefinitely, day and night" until Rubiales was vindicated.
She added: "There is no sexual abuse since there is consent on both sides, as the images prove. ... My son is incapable of hurting anyone."
But if Jennifer Hermoso has confirmed that she didn’t consent to the kiss…then what is Ms. Béjar protesting? And why is she subjecting herself to a hunger strike?
In an often virulently patriarchal country like Spain, where men have historically set the tone and made the rules, it makes sense that a mother would stand up for her son. She was probably raised to believe men and that young women often seek to bring down powerful men.
Not being Spanish, I can’t speak to the cultural aspect of this controversy except to wonder if Luis Rubiales is worth the amount of psychic energy being expended on his behalf.
The news agency reported that she had locked herself inside the church in Motril -- a town with a population of around 60,000, in the province of Granada -- with her sister, after its priest had left.
Rubiales' cousin, Vanessa Ruiz Béjar, confirmed to Teledeporte that his mother was on hunger strike, saying: "This is very hard. To say that there is a harassment is not fair.
"That his mom, who is a person of great faith, has taken refuge in God and is on a hunger strike and does not want to leave the church. That his family is suffering very much on his behalf. It is not fair what is happening.
"He has been judged ahead of time and he should be left in peace. We want Jenni to tell the truth. Why has she changed her story three times? Our family has been harassed. This woman should tell the truth. Jenni, you should tell the truth. We want Jenni to tell the truth.
"The way they are treating with him, the aggression, the feminists, the television, it seems to me shameful. All the people who are taking advantage of the situation, it is shameful."
A friendly football match dubbed the "Friends of Rubiales" that was supposed to take place in Motril and feature the RFEF president was canceled on Saturday, with the local town hall citing fears over public order.
Yes, Spain is angry over the actions of Rubiales and his arrogant denial that they were anything but “spontaneous, mutual, euphoric, and consensual.” But this behavior has been occurring out of camera range for years. It took Spain winning the Women’s World Cup and the cameras being focused on their postgame celebration for the misogyny and sexual abuse to become apparent and undeniable.
Even with that, however, there are those in Spain still firmly in Luis Rubiales’ corner, which shows that for many, possessing a penis means always being given a very long rope.
This controversy could’ve easily been avoided if Luis Rubiales had remembered the common courtesy of asking for consent.
“Ms. Hermoso, would you mind if I kissed you?”
It’s a simple question, to which she may have responded negatively, but at least he would have shown her the respect of asking. He would’ve shown that he respected her autonomy and her right to allow whom she chooses into her personal space.
Instead, he took what he wanted, just as men have done since they determined that having a penis was their superpower.
If that had happened, I’d be writing about something very different. The sad thing is that Spain’s national women’s soccer team should be celebrating their World Cup title with joy and abandon and without controversy or distraction. For most players, this is a once-in-a-lifetime achievement; they deserve to be able to celebrate it as such. Instead, Luis Rubiales decided to insert himself into their celebration in a sexually invasive manner.
Jennifer Hermoso deserves better than the ignorance, arrogance, and misogyny of Luis Rubiales. Now, female football players worldwide are demonstrating their support for her.
With any luck, Rubiales will end up as the assistant general manager of a Spanish 5th-division side in rural Tenerife or Gibraltar. Perhaps that will give him the time and the humility to realize what an ass he’s been.
Somehow, though, I doubt that will be enough. Arrogant fools like Luis Rubiales seldom recognize and admit responsibility for any problem. It’s how politicians survive.
Even poor ones.
Jenni Hermoso deserved better. Women deserve better. Luis Rubiales demonstrated how far the distaff half of the world’s population has yet to go to achieve equality.
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One only needs to look at their hands and their bodily positions to see that what Rubiales did was not consensual. Grabbing someone's head like that? Brother, that alone requires a level of consent that usually isn't reached before you're both naked, in bed, and sweatin' to the oldies.