Donald J. Diaperload- For many years people have been saying that Elvis and I look alike

Yeah, but until he dies of a cocaine-fueled heart attack on a golden toilet at Mar-a-Lago, he's a poser....

Yeah, a virtual spitting image….

What's Management up to?" I whispered to Bennett.

"My guess is a new acronym," he whispered. "Departmental Unification Management Business." He wrote down the ltters on his legal pad. "D.U.M.B.”

• Connie Willis, Bellwether

This story makes me glad I shrink-wrapped my laptop before I read it because the idea that Donny J. Diaperload resembles the late Elvis Presley is as comical as it is absurd. Donald Trump is mistaken for Elvis Presley, like I’m frequently mistaken for Joel Osteen. ‘Course, I AM every bit the sincere man of God Osteen is, so I can understand the confusion, but Trump and Elvis? Puh-leez….

If I were the trustee of the Presley estate, I’d be suing Trump for besmirching the Presley name and reputation. That said, Elvis wasn’t exactly known for clean living, having died in one of his Graceland bathrooms, probably with enough cocaine in his system to kill a herd of Russian infantrymen.

Elvis Presley died of a heart attack on August 16, 1977, at the age of 42. He was found unconscious in the bathroom of his Graceland mansion in Memphis, Tennessee, by his then-fiancée Ginger Alden. He was rushed to the hospital, where he was pronounced dead at 3:30 p.m.

The cause of his heart attack was attributed to hypertensive heart disease with coronary artery disease as a contributing factor. However, it was also revealed that Elvis had extremely high levels of various prescription drugs in his blood, such as opiates, Quaaludes, and cocaine. He had been abusing these drugs for years, which affected his health, weight, and mental state. Some experts believe that the drugs may have triggered or worsened his cardiac condition.

While trans fats may eventually have their way with Trump, he- at least to date- has seemed to escape the consequences of a Big Mac, large fries, and Diet Coke diet. Perhaps not entirely, though; maybe the trans fats have somehow cut off some of the oxygen flow to his brain.

That would explain some of the word-slurring, incoherent rambling, and impotent threats he’s expressed on the campaign trail.

Then again, one of the great things about Donny Diaperfull being out barnstorming the country is that he often makes the job of his opponent’s opposition research staff SO much more manageable. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of training a camera on a Trump speech and hitting “RECORD.”

You never know what you’ll be handed in full view of God and everyone.

a fun thing about campaigning against a motormouth moron with no filters is that he never stops writing your ads for you. on Tuesday, Trump had this to say about having bullied the GOP into scuttling bipartisan border legislation:

“a lot of the senators are trying to say, respectfully, they’re blaming it on me. that’s ok, please blame it on me. please.”

after the speech, Biden’s comms people, all of them big strong men with tears streaming down their cheeks, came up to Donny and were all sir! sir! thank you for making our jobs so much easier. is there anything else you’d like to confess to, you stupid dumb-ass?

Fortunately for Biden’s comms folks, they seldom have to wait for Orange Jesus to take a walk on the demented side.

And the mainstream media insists on claiming that Joe Biden’s the one with age and memory issues…even as they give Donald Trump a virtual free pass? It’s almost as if “objective” journalists function as Donald J. Pantsload’s de facto press operation.

Trump gave another completely incoherent speech on Friday, and it was wall-to-wall batshit fucknuttery.

but this was the crowning monent of peak what-the-fuck:

“we have to— we have to win in November, or we’re not going to have Pennsylvania. they’ll change the name. they’re gonna change the name of Pennsylvania.”

it was at that point that the squirrels inside Donny’s head started arguing with each other.

what? what did he say? change the name of what? did you tell him to say that? I didn’t tell him to say that.

but yes please, media, tell us again how it’s Joe Biden who’s too befuddled to be president.

So, if Trump is weaving in and out of traffic on the Expressway to Crazy Town, you’d think that the GOP would have the balls to step in and ensure he keeps it between the lines…right??

Sure, they would…except that moral courage- Hell, ANY courage- isn’t within the Republican bailiwick. People that you once might have expected to exercise at least a modicum of bravery and selflessness are now frightened toadies terrified of getting on Trump’s wrong side. It’s pathetic, but hey, it’s today’s GOP.

Marco Rubio went on Jake Tapper’s show…and he was asked to comment on Little Donny Mobfuck’s boast that he would encourage Russia to attack NATO countries — that Russia could “do whatever the hell they want.”

Rubio forcefully denounced Trump, pointing out that Trump’s threat, if made good on, would embolden a despot, destabilize the world, break treaties and upend a 75-year commitment to defend our allies. he also called Trump a reckless moron who smelled like a butt, and refused to endorse him for president.

ha ha! just kidding! none of that shit happened.

in fact, what Rubio did tell Tapper is that Trump was just blowing off steam.

Nothing to see here…move along, people….

If a Democrat did this, Sen. Rubio would be apoplectic….

Why is Donald J. Diaperfull allowed to get away with saying things a Democrat would be keelhauled for even thinking? Because he has a battalion of pants-fouling Republicans defending him, even when any decent person knows that Mango Mussolini is THE WORST human being imaginable.

When your balls are in a desk drawer somewhere on the property in Mar-a-Lago, you’ll meekly acquiesce to whatever’s required of you, no matter how demeaning.

in fact, you couldn’t find a single Republican willing to criticize Trump. usually, you can’t keep these attention-hungry fuckers off the Sunday shows, but those that weren’t shoving their heads in the sand had their fingers in their ears and were shouting LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

When you see nothing and hear nothing…well, you won’t be willing to say anything, are you? And, with a collection of Republican cowards who collectively possess less moral courage than the Cowardly Lion, Donald J. Diaperfull could order one of them to commit seppuku on the floor of the Senate, and the chosen simp would immediately be looking for the required knife and mat.

Is there no depth to which these moral black holes won’t sink? As if we don’t already know the answer to that question….

but not every Republican was in hiding. esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun, Texas’s own unctuous jizz-stain, went the extra mile, showing up at Trump’s vermin-infested Florida golf motel to pose with the guy who called his wife ugly and accused his father of helping to kill JFK. or wait — is Cruz standing next to a carboard cut-out? it’s honestly fucking hard to tell.

You wouldn’t find a functional moral compass between the two of them if you had a $1 million bounty. Trump egregiously insulted Sen. Cruz’s wife during the 2016 primary season, and then before you know it, Sen. Cruz was phone-banking for Donny Diaperfull.

If anyone had insulted my wife in that manner, while she may not have been OK with me going after him physically, I sure as Hell wouldn’t have been actively supporting his campaign. Then again, Ted Cruz is all about Ted Cruz, and what Heidi Cruz sees in The Human Weasel is anyone’s guess.

Her curse is waking up to that slimy, smarmy excuse for humanity every day…and pity that their children are saddled with a sorry excuse for humanity as a father, eh?

Who was it that said that everything Donald Trump touches turns to shit? By now, it should be ALL of us….

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