Donald Trump- Change The World With This One Dumb Trick
How stupid does he think his cult is? Wait; THAT dumb??? OK, then....
If you were one of those Trump cultists who stayed home from work to await your Lord and Master’s “Major Announcement,” well, first of all, what the Hell’s wrong with you? And, second, I’ll bet you were WAY disappointed when you found out he was foisting digital baseball cards with his likeness on his cult.
Unsurprisingly, his “Major Announcement” was a half-assed attempt at a “Major Grift.” He did sold out the allotment of 45,000 at $99 a pop, though, proving P.T. Barnum to be a prophet- there really IS a sucker born every minute.
And most of them wear red MAGA hats.
As is usually the case, it’s not about making money for the campaign; it’s about putting money in Trump’s pocket. Same as it ever was- and usually in just about the cringiest way imaginable.
My first reaction was, “Do those things come with that tasteless pink cardboard bubblegum I used to get with baseball cards when I was a kid?” Because if not, what’s the point? After all, these will probably depreciate rapidly, even with the codpiece that looks like it has a softball stuffed in it.
“Hey, is that a grapefruit in your shorts, or are you just glad to see my money??”
Donald Trump touted the release of “digital trading cards” with his likeness on Thursday after teasing a “major announcement” earlier this week. The digital cards or NFTs (non-fungible tokens aka digital artwork that can be traded and logged online) cost a steep $100 a pop — and in this economy, no less!
But it might be the price you’re willing to pay to lay claim to a “limited edition” JPG of the former president rendered as a superhero with bulging leg muscles. Or dressed as a cowboy. Or shooting laser beams out of his eyes in front of Trump Tower. Or pumping his fists in front of a green stock market arrow. Each card has a unique “pre-assigned rarity,” but no card “will have more than 20 copies in existence,” according to real website collecttrumpcards.com. The site says it will mint 45,000 cards with unique identifiers recorded on the blockchain.
And the fact that it has Trump in “action” poses- “Or dressed as a cowboy. Or shooting laser beams out of his eyes in front of Trump Tower. Or pumping his fists in front of a green stock market arrow.”- can only help his cause. I could recommend a few more:
Or banging a supermodel in the window of a hotel room in left field at Toronto’s Rogers Centre during a Blue Jays game.
Or grabbing Kimberly Guilfoyle by the p***y.
Or posing for photos for Richard Avedon with a bullwhip stuck in his a**hole.
Or posing for a photo shoot in the Canadian Arctic for Annie Leibowitz wearing nothing but nipple clamps hooked up to a Russian heavy-duty truck battery.
Or naked no-holds-barred oil wrestling the Swedish Bikini Team.
Or a fight-to-the-death pool noodle match with Vladimir Putin
Those would all be creative ways to raise cash for his 2024 campaign, plus they’d go a long way toward demonstrating that he’s fit and virile enough for the rigors of the Presidency, even in his late 70s.
I know; Trump’s “major announcement” was the dumbest thing ever, right? But, then again, what else did you expect? Since he announced that he’s running in 2024, his campaign (such as it is) has been a trainwreck. He’s reeled from clusterfuck to court setback to scandal and back to another clusterfuck again. It’s not that he’s had a bad day or week; he’s had a bad few months.
And I am absolutely here for it.
Sorry, but I wouldn’t go to a portable toilet if I’d somehow won a trip to it from Trump. I’d hold it until I could piss in his shoes.
I’m constantly astonished at how little self-awareness Mussolini seems to possess. How else could you explain a man in his late-70s who believes America will go crazy for whatever new grift he has to offer? Can he be so stupid and unaware that he’s become a national laughingstock?
As if I need to answer that.
The excitement may be in the fact that purchasing a Trump card automatically enters you into a sweepstakes to meet Trump for a cocktail hour or round of golf at his Florida estate. Buying 45 cards — essentially forking over $4,500 — gets you invited to a “gala dinner” with Trump somewhere in “South Florida.” But as the fine print notes, you are responsible for your own lodging and transportation to and from the event. What a steal!
It’s not clear why Trump, who hasn’t been doing much campaigning for president yet, has resorted to selling non-fungible tokens. The NFT market has been plunging alongside the cryptocurrency market, capping off a bad year for both fake and real money.
Of course, that “gala dinner” might be a trip through a Burger King drive-thru in Hialeah or West Palm Beach. Or perhaps he’d have the Secret Service drop you somewhere in the Everglades with a bag of PB&Js and let you fend for yourself. Whatever the case, I certainly don’t want to find out. Especially since the “winner” is responsible for their lodging and transportation to and from the “event.”
With Trump, even when you win, you lose.
It's a distraction action as he uses NFTs to launder money. It is grotesque and clever at the same time.