Dumbasses, Bigots, and Faux Christians Have No Place In Baseball...Or Anywhere Else
It's too bad the Los Angeles Dodger forgot that
Why do shitty people always brag about being good at trolling? Troll is just another word for asshole. What kind of antisocial sociopath is proud of being an asshole?”
Oliver Markus Malloy, Inside The Mind of an Introvert
Biegler, you remind me of every REMF I ever met in a combat zone. You want a guaranteed result with zero risk, and your ass covered if the shit hits the fan. But that's not how it works in the real world. So please shut the fuck up and let me work here.”
Greg Iles, Third Degree
I have two close friends who are massive Los Angeles Dodgers fans, so I should probably apologize to them for this first…but I’m not going to. Why? Because their Beloved Blue screwed the pooch on this one, and though team management eventually saw the Light, they hardly covered the organization in Glory.
That’s what happens when you cave to assholes, religious bigots, and homophobes who believe THEIR sensibilities belong on the top shelf. Rule #1 is that you NEVER cave to common, garden-variety assholes like Marco Rubio, Matt Walsh, and Bill Donohue. Why? Because they’re Christians like I’m a Cy Young Award winner.
Rule #2? Never forget rule #1
And while the Dodgers did apologize to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, it shouldn’t have come to that.
Have you been following the big fight over whether the Los Angeles Dodgers would let the very important convent of gay drag queen nuns the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence be part of their Pride Night ceremonies, or would they be cowards and cave to Catholic extremists who don't even deserve to enjoy baseball anyway?
Let us get you up to speed! Because on top of Bud Light and Fox News and the lesbian green M&M and whatever else, right-wing Christians are getting geared up to boycott baseball.
Yes, the Right-wing Perpetual Outrage Machine had their collective panties in a wad because the Dodgers had invited the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to participate in the team’s Pride Night on June 16th.
So, who are the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, you ask? Well, you probably didn’t, but I’ll answer the question anyway because if I don’t, then what’s the point of all this?
Anyway, if you go to the Sisters’ website, you’ll learn that
The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence are a leading-edge Order of queer and trans nuns. We believe all people have a right to express their unique joy and beauty.
Since our first appearance in San Francisco on Easter Sunday, 1979, the Sisters have devoted ourselves to community service, ministry and outreach to those on the edges, and to promoting human rights, respect for diversity and spiritual enlightenment.
We use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry, complacency and guilt that chain the human spirit.
And that was enough to light a fire under the sensitive asses of some oh-so-pious and holier-than-thou fascist Catholics, who were having NONE OF IT.
OMG, they said…they make fun of the baby Jesus, they speak of joy, and- and this is the absolute worst and most sinful of it- they’re drag queens who enjoy life.
Last week some right-wing fascist Catholics started bitching and moaning that the Dodgers had included the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence in their Pride Night, scheduled for June 16. The Sisters are a nonprofit group of funny drag queens who dress up like nuns and do amazing work all over the place. They've been around forever. The Dodgers were going to give them the "Community Hero" award.
They call themselves funny names, like drag queens do, but in this case they are very Catholic nun versions of drag queen names; their Wikipedia lists Sister Anita Blowjob, Sister GladAss of the Joyous Reserectum, Sister Hellena Handbasket, Sister Sensible Shoes, and Sister Homo Celestial as examples.
Cue prissy Republican Senator Marco Rubio being uproariously prissy, even though last time we checked his senatorial duties don't have fuckall to do with the city of Los Angeles or its baseball team. Oh my, what a snowflake.
In a letter to Major League Baseball's commissioner, Little Marco blubbered about how "blasphemous" the Sisters are. Their motto is "Go forth and sin some more!" he wailed. "Diabolical parodies or our faith," he blubbered. Words, words, words, "mocked and degraded Christians, especially Catholics, since its founding on Easter Sunday in 1979."
Little Marco dragged that cross behind him for paragraph after paragraph.
In response to him, and in response to whining from Bill Donohue's one-man Catholic League and another org called Catholic Vote, the Dodgers caved. "They mock the nuns, they mock Jesus, they mock our Blessed Mother, they mock the Eucharist," cried Bill Donohue of the Catholic League. Get a grip, dude.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. You do not cave to these beclowned fascists. You tell them to fuck off early and often.
Sadly, the Dodgers didn’t tell the haters and bigots to fuck off early and often. Instead, they did what feckless cowards often do- they caved to creeps like Bill Donohue, a faithful Catholic like I’m a Pulitzer Prize winner.
And so the Sisters, not one to take this sort of pseudo-religious bigotry and homophobia lying down (unless it was consensual, of course), offered up a response:
So, no, drag queens are not a “protected class.” They want the same rights that haters and religious bigots demand for themselves- nothing more and nothing less.
Trolls like Marco Rubio, Matt Walsh, and Bill Donohue are to Christianity what hemlock is to a good gin and tonic. They poison everything they touch with their arrogance, piousness, and holier-than-thou self-superiority. Because if those flaming assholes are living examples of the Christian God, I want none of it.
And no organization that would cave to these cretins should consider themselves worthy of hosting a Pride Night in any shape, manner, or form.
At least the Dodgers admitted that they screwed up…so good on them. It would’ve been even better if they’d told the haters to choke on their righteous bile and picked the Sisters over hatred and bigotry.
Sadly, even in the 21st century, we live in a decidedly imperfect world where some believe that equality still means they get to be more equal than “less deserving” others.
In that tweet, the Dodgers say that "[a]fter much thoughtful feedback from our diverse communities," they are very sorry that they were cowards and disinvited the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence from their Pride Night events; they have reinvited them; and the Sisters have accepted. The Dodgers say they are "pleased to share that [the Sisters] have agreed to receive the gratitude of our collective communities for the lifesaving work that they have done tirelessly for decades."
And so on and so forth.
And that, children, is how you tell Christian fascists to go eat foul balls in hell.
It has been a whole shitshow to get here, though, and now a whole new shitshow will begin.
Of course, the Dodgers had to figure out how to fall on their collective swords without telling the haters to bugger a goat. It would’ve been nice if they’d had the cojones and the fortitude to admit that they screwed the pooch and caved to a collection of cretinous haters and bigots they should’ve ignored.
But we all know how P.R. flacks hate allowing their employers to do the “mea culpa” dance, right? And so the Dodgers issued a non-apology apologia and made it sound like everyone would be sitting around the campfire after the game, eating s’mores, singing Kum ba yah, and drinking hot chocolate. Then everyone would hug it out and go home feeling better about the world.
Or something like that…when, in fact, the Dodgers should have had the moral courage to “tell Christian fascists to go eat foul balls in hell.”
(This is one of the reasons why I’m a Giants fan. Well, that and Dodger Stadium is a relic.)
“After much thoughtful feedback from our diverse communities….” You mean after you somehow managed to calm the five-alarm shitshow you’d ignited with your thoughtless, ignorant caving to Christofascist bigots? Something tells me the Dodgers weren’t dealing with “thoughtful feedback” but something closer to a full-blown mutiny.
Something like this press release from the L.A. LGBTQ center:
We are deeply disappointed that the Dodgers, an organizational partner that has made significant strides towards dismantling anti-LGBTQ+ bias in sports and long-standing supporter of our mission, has decided to revoke their invitation to honor the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence at their upcoming Pride Night.
Buckling to pressure from out-of-state, right-wing fundamentalists, the Dodgers caved to a religious minority that is perpetuating a false narrative about LGBTQ+ people. They have been fed lies about the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and have therefore contributed to the ongoing, anti-LGBTQ smear campaign happening in this country.
In a year where over 400 pieces of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation are on the books—many of them targeting freedom of speech, expression, and the bodily autonomy of our community—the fight for LGBTQ+ rights is as critical as ever, and unfortunately the Dodgers chose to bow to the religious right rather than stand with our LGBTQ community.
We at the Center know that the religious right—a minority aligned with white supremacy and attacks on reproductive justice—does not speak for all people of faith, including the many people of faith within the LGBTQ+ community.
We know that the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have reclaimed religious imagery, garb, and symbolism to advocate for LGBTQ+ equality; through their protests, they have exposed the hypocrisy of the churches that demonized gay people during the AIDS Crisis; challenged faith institutions to stand with queer and trans people; and raised valuable resources for our community as we were turned away from services elsewhere.
We call on the Dodgers to reconsider their decision, honor the Sisters, and bring the true spirit of Pride back to Dodgers Stadium. If the decision is not reversed, we strongly encourage the Dodgers to cancel Pride Night.
Any organization that turns its back on LGBTQ+ people at this damning and dangerous inflection point in our nation’s history should not be hoisting a rainbow flag or hosting a ‘Pride Night.’
We want the Dodgers ally ship to be consistent with our experience partnering with them over the past many years. The people of Los Angeles County have consistently and overwhelmingly shown up for LGBTQ+ equality.
If one of our most beloved institutions—the Dodgers—refuses to stand by us at this moment, we are terrified of what will come next. Los Angeles is a leader—not a follower. We call on the Dodgers to set an example.
To our Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, we say: Thank you. You will always have a place to be honored at the Los Angeles LGBT Center.
At least the LGBTQ Center was being rational and polite. I suspect there were others within L.A.’s LGBTQ community who wanted to put Dodger Stadium to the torch. And who could’ve blamed them?
So the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have claimed religious imagery, costumes, and iconography for their own purposes. So what? Conservative Catholics don’t have a copyright on those things. They don’t own them. Why do they feel they can judge who’s using them appropriately (or otherwise)? Because they’ve always conferred upon themselves the right to determine the correct, appropriate and moral use of Catholic symbolism. And they’ve done it for so long that they’ve come to believe they’re the arbiters of all that’s Good and Holy.
That said, nowhere is it written that the screaming ninnies have the power to decide what is or isn’t appropriate use of Catholic symbolism.
And perhaps those burning so much energy and disapproval over drag queens might want to consider why the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have them so up in arms. What is it about drag that offends them so? Do the performances and/or the performers somehow threaten their existence? Do they rattle their peace of mind? Do they make you question their sexuality?
Those questions say far more about those upset about drag and drag queens than they do about the performers and the art form. In fact, I’d submit that it might be the case that the anger of the haters and religious bigots is misplaced, perhaps because they refuse to ponder the real, more profound questions, the ones that lie within themselves.
Just sayin’….
As for the Dodgers…seriously? It’s 2023, and y’all are still acting like Stonewall never happened. Why would you- even for a moment- consider caving in to pressure from haters and religious bigots? How are they more righteous and correct in their positions than the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence?
There’s one thing I do know, and that’s who’s enjoying life more.
Hint: It’s not Bill Donohue, Marco Rubio, and Matt Walsh, each of whom seem to be pretty miserable human beings in their own unique way.
So, what have we learned here? The next time a self-professed “Christian” comes to you to complain about someone’s behavior, dress, beliefs, or anything else, you listen to them and politely thank them for their input.
Then you tell them to STFU, kick them out of your office, and have security haul them out of Dodger Stadium because you don’t cater to haters and religious bigots.
Have you got that? Now PLAY BALL!!!
