Err Jordan- Jordan Peterson thinks Hoboken saving the lives of residents is "woke"

Yes, it seems saving the lives of citizens is "pathetic" and invites "woke death"...whatever that means

I’m not a fan of Jordan Peterson, but he’s had zero impact on my life or thought processes, so I’ve succeeded in ignoring him- and why not? The man’s an icon to incels and other twats on the Far-Right and, as far as I can tell, has little of value to add to the public discussion.

Besides, he’s Canadian, so he gets virtually zero press south of the 49th Parallel, which is as it should be. Now and again, though, he pops up with something genuinely and supremely ridiculous, which, as far as I can tell, is the only way he attracts attention to himself in the lower 48.

Canada’s most famous psychologist is known for trafficking in pedestrian ideas but typically not in the literal sense.

Dr. Jordan Peterson, an Alberta man the New York Times once described as “the most influential public intellectual in the Western world,” has a long list of sworn enemies — pronouns, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, the College of Psychologists of Ontario, Elmo (the Sesame Street puppet, not the Putin one), women who don’t want to fuck unfuckable men, etc. — but directing his fury at a newswire service reporting on a New Jersey city’s initiatives to reduce traffic fatalities was a twist not many people had on their Bingo cards for 2024.

Err Jordan took to the other Elmo’s generic social media site to scream about a report by the Associated Press regarding policies enacted in Hoboken, where nobody has been killed or seriously injured by vehicles in seven years.

“Err Jordan?” Nice one, eh? Too bad I can’t take credit for that one. What issue could Jordan Peterson possibly have with the city of Hoboken trying to reduce/eliminate pedestrians killed by automobiles? Does Hoboken have to have at least a minimal body count to register as a politically viable city in Peterson’s inestimable estimation?

Is this really about killing off the sick and the weak…so, survival of the fittest?

Or is he just being gratuitously ridiculous because he’s a YUUUUGE dingus?

Guess which one I’m going with? Yep, YUUUUGE dingus it is.

Dr. Peterson cares this much about Garden State traffic fatalities. (Wikimedia Commons)

Nicknamed Mile Square City, Frank Sinatra's densely populated hometown has the highest per capita public transportation use of any city in the country and recently adopted a policy known as Vision Zero, which may sound like a description of the GOP's current platform but instead is a bunch of ideas first cooked up in Sweden to help make it easier for cyclists and pedestrians to not get run over on the regular. Unlike other major Swedish innovations, it doesn't even require multiple Allen wrenches to make it happen.

A key ingredient is something called “daylighting” where cars are no longer allowed to park near intersections to increase visibility for motorists and pedestrians alike. Presumably it's even more helpful at night. Mayor Ravi Bhalla kicked the policy into gear a few years after an 89-year-old woman was killed by a van while crossing busy Washington Street.

OK. Sounds pretty innocent so far, doesn't it? Isn’t a city government supposed to look out for the safety and well-being of its citizens? So, where’s the fire? Why is Jordan Peterson’s jockstrap bunched up like it’s going to cut off the circulation to his ball sack?

And who knew he actually had any balls?

Peterson’s calling the city of Hoboken pathetic? That’s rich. I wonder if he’s taken a good look in the mirror recently. I think what he’d find staring back at him is the textbook definition of “pathetic.” Also, “petty,” “small-minded,” and a few other things I’m not going to print here because this is (nominally, at least) still a family show.

And “woke death?” What does that even mean? I couldn’t find that anywhere in my Conservative Ridiculousness-English Dictionary.

This despite the AP dutifully reporting not all Hoboken residents are on board with it, particularly business owners worried about losing the bridge-and-tunnel crowd.

Not sure what “the woke death” entails but I'm guessing it involves being crushed by a Prius. Which is more generous than imagining Dr. Peterson hopes someone will go all “The Cask of Amontillado" on them.

Doctors don’t normally wish death — woke or otherwise — on anyone, with notable exceptions such as Doctor Doom, Doctor Evil, and Doctor Death. Maybe the clean-your-room guy is just bitter he didn’t include “look both ways before crossing the street” in his big 12 Rules for Life book but, if there's anyone who might appreciate being awoken, you'd think it'd be someone who spent eight days in a medically induced coma at a Moscow hospital in a last-ditch effort to overcome an addiction to benzos. But instead Dr. Peterson thinks Hoboken is more like Hobroken amirite?

So, here’s a little background on Dr. Jordan Peterson before I go any further since most Americans know nothing about him…unless their politics are right of center. If you’re interested, his Wikipedia page will give you a more in-depth idea of who he is, what he stands for, and why he’s so popular among the American Far-Right.

That’s if you care, of course.

Below is a video adaptation of the book that made him famous. Some of his ideas are interesting, and some a bit facile, but the video’s worth a watch if nothing else.

What’s interesting- and, I suppose, a bit weird- is that Peterson is so triggered about a city program intended to help save lives in Hoboken. What could possibly be so wrong about trying to reduce the likelihood of pedestrians being injured or killed by automobiles?

How could Peterson possibly interpret that as so “pathetic” that “the woke death” will “soon visit” Hoboken? Isn’t Mayor Ravi Bhalla doing precisely what a Mayor is elected to do? Or does Peterson think old ladies crossing streets in Hoboken should be playing a lottery to see who survives and who gets obliterated by an Escalade?

Does Peterson think that this is a great untapped source of potential income for cities?

Or is there supposed to be a sacrifice to the gods that we haven’t been told about? And don’t such sacrifices involve large pyres and virgins being burned alive for the good of the community?

Mayor Bhalla responded with the double whammy of a sick burn and a Sikh burn, tweeting: “Being triggered by safe streets and Hoboken’s zero traffic deaths in 7 years is certainly a mood.”

Being cross about crosswalks is an odd take for even such an odd duck as he, and is presumably somehow connected to the lunatic Right's obsession du jour with so-called 15-minute cities.

The term was coined nearly a decade ago by Carlos Moreno, a professor at the Sorbonne, and Paris Mayor Anne Hidalgo made it a central plank of her successful 2020 re-election campaign.

I assumed, since most reasonable city folk would agree the idea of basic needs being available within a quarter-hour walk, bike, or transit ride from home is a good one, the slack-jawed yokel community was against it simply to “own the libs” as usual.

Well, “owning the Libs” is always a prime motivator for the Rabid Right, but in this case, it has more to do with Peterson’s objection to the city of Hoboken playing “Big Brother” in his eyes.

That’s one way to look at it. But, instead of assuming the absolute worst and looking for the government’s jackbooted thugs to begin kicking in doors, perhaps Peterson might consider a less dystopian scenario. Maybe, just maybe, it might be about the city of Hoboken trying to serve its citizens in the best way available to it. Preventing residents from having their having their brains splattered over a crosswalk seems like a pretty decent way to go about it, yeah?

But, to someone of a particular political persuasion predisposed to assuming the worst of everything and everyone, everything about government is terrible, and anyone connected with it possesses the worst evil intent.

("No, Mr. Bond…I expect you to DIE!!”)

Turns out the conspiracy has more to do with the usual suspects' fever dreams that the Deep Brother Big State is gunning to track your movements to take away your freedumbs. Probably your guns too.

The urban planning initiative first became “controversial” in the UK when the clogged university town of Oxford brought in a trial where drivers would need a special permit to be on six specific busy roads during workday hours. Traffic cameras would simply scan license plates with subsequent fines sent to scofflaws. Thousands of Brits took to the streets in protest, worried it would lead to punishment for leaving their neighborhoods without permission. “We shall fight from the beaches” and all that.

Some of Bhalla's other initiatives rolled out to make the city less deadly were to saddle up with Citi Bike, which makes it a hell of a lot easier to ride to neighboring NYC, and lowering the speed limit to 20 mph.

FREEDUMB!! It’s what makes America great, yeah??

Mayor Bhalla sounds like a power-mad comsymp. And I’ll bet he can hardly wait for that glorious moment when he can finally take all the guns away from the freedumb-loving people of Hoboken.

I swear, you give these Goddamn Libruls an inch, and they’ll take a fucking mile. They’re evil, conniving bastards who hate freedumb and liberty.

(Yes, we are.)

Before you know it, Mayor Bhalla will have the jackbooted New Jersey Highway Patrol marching down Main Street, breaking down doors and busting heads to take away the guns God has ordained that Americans deserve. Not even Grandma Johnson’s AK-47 with the dual 30-round magazines will be safe.

Of course, since Mayor Bhalla is running in June’s Democratic Primary to replace corrupt Democratic Sen. Bob Menendez, perhaps one or more disciples of Jordan Peterson might seize the opportunity to run for Mayor of Hoboken.

It might just be time to restore FREEDUMB!! to Hoboken and up the body count…because sometimes, the Tree of Liberty must be watered with the blood of patriots, don’tchaknow?

Or an 89-year-old woman trying to cross the street.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk….

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