Getting Back On The Horse...And Hoping I Don't Fall Off
Getting over COVID-19? Yeah, that's kind of a bitch, but I have to get back on.
After getting knocked flat on my ass by COVID-19 for about ten days, yesterday was the day I decided to take the entrance ramp onto the road toward normalcy. As far as the virus goes, I’ve been fine for a couple of weeks now, but one of the side effects has been a pronounced lack of stamina. Walking even a mile at a slow pace has proven a challenge. Because of that, I’ve done nothing except sit on my couch and watch soccer games.
As much as I love watching soccer, that’s not a sustainable program if I want to live a long and healthy life. I’m only 62, and, having already had a previous brush with mortality (two arterial stents), you’d think I’d be taking better care of myself.
Right??
I also have my COVID legacy that I’d like to shed, the 40+ pounds that came and never left during the lockdown. I don’t know where they came from, but arrive they did, and they liked the accommodations so much they decided to hang around.
So yesterday, then, I decided to get on with it. Not knowing what to expect or if I’d have the stamina to do it, I hopped on my Peloton bike and rode it for 20 minutes at a very pedestrian pace. No one would’ve mistaken me for Lance Armstrong, but I lasted 20 minutes without feeling the urge to pass out. So, progress.
Today I’ll try it again, though I can tell my body feels different post-COVID. It’s difficult to describe, and it’s a fatigue unlike anything I’ve experienced before. I suppose the key is moderation and recognizing that my body just went through something otherworldly.
I know there’s a point at which my ability to take steps to positively impact my health may be largely out of my hands, so I need to do what I can to get myself back into decent physical condition and delay that day as long as I’m able. No, I’m not going to run a half-marathon again or hike 25 miles in a day, but I know that I feel much better when I get some exercise.
I’m grateful that my (hopefully first and only) encounter with COVID-19 happened post-vaccines. I suspect that being fully vaccinated and boosted helped to lessen the impact and hasten my recovery. Who knows what might’ve happened had this happened to me before vaccines were available.
At least now I feel as if it’s a fair fight, and I’m pretty fortunate. I know this could’ve been far worse than it was. There are many who’ve bit hit harder than I was- and COVID-19 knocked my on my ass.
So, let’s consider this a wakeup call. I know there are some things I need to do differently and better- starting with losing those 40+ pounds, f’rinstance. It would be nice to feel comfortable in my body again. And it would be nice to have my stamina back. While I’ve never been mistaken for the Energizer Bunny, it would be nice to hope on my Peloton and do a hard 60-minute workout without feeling as if I’ve expended every last ounce of life force within me.
No matter what happens, though, I have to get used to the idea that I’m not 22 anymore. Those were the days when I could launch myself into a crowd on a corner kick, punch the ball to safety, and come out of the fray feeling like a conquering hero.
Every year, I get an invitation from my college’s soccer coach to play in the school’s alumni game, in which a group of alums take on the school’s second 11. And every year, I do consider (if only for a nanosecond) playing in the game. Then I come to my senses and realize that no one needs to see a 62-year-old former goalkeeper trying to recapture his misspent youth. Never mind that I haven’t stopped a shot in anger in 40 years.
Back in the day, I could walk off the field after a game and feel a sense of triumph or accomplishment…and perhaps a little bit sore for having absorbed some physical contact for 90 minutes. Now, four decades later, I’d probably walk off the field looking for an ice bath, a massage, and some oxygen. That’s the difference between 22 and 62.
I’d like to think that I take better care of myself now, but my predilection for self-delusion being what it is, I’m not sure that’s the case. Perhaps I’ve become better acquainted with my physical limitations that have accelerated with age. As it turns out, all those years of contact sports took a toll on me. Not that I’d do anything differently if I had the opportunity to do it all over again, but the not all of the boo-boos, concussions, sprains, and strains went away. Some decided to hang around and make themselves at home.
Remember the “Be kind to your knees; you’ll miss them when they’re gone” thing? It turns out there’s something to that. Mine are letting me know that they’re going to make me pay for all the times I abused and mistreated them over the years.
So I suppose COVID-19 has forced me to ponder my mortality more than I have before. Not that I’m being morbid, but I’m realizing that I come with an expiration date. No surprise there, but it’s easy to go through life without thinking about it.
Memento mori.
Now that I’m losing friends who are younger than me, I’ve found myself reconsidering what I’m doing to take care of my health. And it makes me want to do better. Recently, I lost a friend whom I worked with during the couple years I worked at the Portland Airport. Tim was a great guy. I never saw him without a smile on his face, he was always happy to see me, and I never heard him utter a cross word about anyone.
He grew up in Colorado, but he had family near where I grew up in Minnesota, and we had a lot in common. He was a total aviation geek and posted some of the most amazing photos from PDX that I’ve ever seen. Tim definitely had a gift.
One day he went to take a nap and never woke. He died quietly from a heart attack, and he was only in his early 50s. I know I’m at the age where I can expect to begin losing people in my life, but it’s hard when I think of Tim and how much life he had in front of him.
I know that my time will eventually come and I’ll be dragged out feet first. But I want to have at least given life my best shot and that I was here for my wife when she needed me…and for a good long time.
That’s all anyone can ask for. Give it your best shot and take care of yourself. This life is all you have.
