God hates us and wishes we would eat a bag of dicks (The MTG election integrity mix)
Truly, irony has suffered a mortal wound, y'all
(Mi amigo, Craig Powell, found the original Tesla CyberTruck prototype)
the ‘mainstream media’ can go fuck itself- it was a weekend full of journalistic atrocities:
Yes, the “mainstream media” generally sucks donkey balls on a good day, but
explains why the MM went above and beyond their usual slothful attempts at “journalism” over the weekend. It’s not for those with blood pressure issues.Take this bit of journalistic vomit:
This transaction is what’s called a “Home Equity Loan.” Millions of Americans have one. Erin and I do. There’s nothing criminal, immoral, or untoward about it. President Biden did not attempt to cover it up. Why? BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING WRONG, IMMORAL, OR ILLEGAL ABOUT IT, THAT’S WHY.
Yet Forbes is presenting it as if there’s something untoward about it.
did he hide it? no, it’s right there on his White House financial disclosure statement. did he use it to pay hush money to cover up a sexual encounter? no. did he falsify business records? no. did his lawyer form a shell company to obscure where the money went? no. none of that happened.
so why then is this a story?
no, seriously, why is this a story — and why did Forbes Magazine create a video about it that they plastered all over social media?
Meanwhile, Lord Stumblefuck is on trial in a Manhattan courtroom for paying $135,000 to a porn star to keep quiet about their affair. This payment was meant to buy her silence and keep her from going public and harming his chances of winning the 2016 election.
One of these things is unlike the other, but you wouldn’t know it if you get your information from Forbes.
SpaceX Drops A Load on Saskatchewan:
OK, quick show of hands—does anyone know what Saskatchewan is or its location? Well, now you know why Elon Musk did what he did.
If you said that Saskatchewan is a Canadian province separating Alberta from Manitoba, you probably fall into the top 5% of informed persons. If you know that the province’s capitol is Regina (yes, pronounced like “vagina”), and its largest city is Saskatoon, you’re easily within the top 1%. Not bad, eh? ‘Course, I don’t have any prizes for you (I run this thing on a (used) shoestring), but you’ve earned the right to be smug and self-superior for a day or so.
Since Elon Musk is involved in this story, it quickly becomes less fun.
Like any cartoon supervillain worth their salt, Musk has devised several creative and unusual ways to kill people.
There’s the untold number of Ukrainians who surely perished at the hands of Russian forces after Musk cut off internet access through his Starlink satellites to certain parts of the country like Crimea that Putin just really, really wanted. Crom only knows how many mouth-breathers huffed their last on a ventilator after “doing their own research” on the cesspool of COVID misinformation he single-handedly turned Jack Dorsey’s erstwhile global town square into. And of course there’s all the self-crashing cars.
Last month, Tesla settled a lawsuit for an undisclosed amount over the death of Walter Huang, an Apple engineer who was killed in 2018 after his Muskmobile decided to veer into a California highway divider, and the US National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is currently looking at 23 separate fatalities involving the company’s autopilot system.
But dropping hunks of metal on people from outer space is a potential new one.
Not that there are a lot of people in Saskatchewan. Its estimated population in the first quarter of this year, per Wikipedia, is 1,225,493—which is spread out over 257,000 square miles (a density of 4.9 people/sq. mi.). If you take Regina and Saskatoon out of the equation, Saskatchewan is virtually unpopulated. In that case, the chances of hitting anyone with hunks of metal from outer space are slim—but not zero.
A Saskatchewan grain farmer named Barry Sawchuk and his two sons were out checking the fields before planting season recently and were more than a little surprised to find a mysterious 100-pound object made of charred carbon fiber and aluminum honeycomb somewhere it had no earthly business being. Another smaller piece of space junk was found on his land a few days later, and neighbors have since reported finding even more nebulous flotsam and jetsam over a 28-mile radius….
Word spread quickly and reached the desk of Samantha Lawler, an astronomy professor at the nearby University of Regina, who collaborated with a colleague at Harvard in her orbit to figure out it came from a SpaceX Dragon flight that returned its crew capsule safely to the planet in February with four passengers from the International Space Station. They say the junk came from the trunk (yes, that’s the name!), an unpressurized cargo section below the capsule that provides power during flight and ideally burns up after ejection when it hits the atmosphere on the way back down. It’s like the “service module” from the old Apollo missions, but with extra storage.
The photo below is what a SpaceX Dragon capsule looks like with the “trunk” section attached:
It looks like a badminton shuttlecock.
Lawler has been an academic Chicken Little for years about the danger of freefalling space shit, especially in a time when space travel has been privatized and so many bored billionaires would rather spend their money playing Spaceman Spiff than, say, solving world hunger or the climate crisis. Or simply paying their taxes. Space launches and re-entries are now almost a daily thing, and it is probably only a matter of time before some innocent Earthling gets a quick death from above, although the European Space Agency say the odds of someone getting whacked by space waste are roughly one in 100 billion.
“I’ve been yelling about this for five years, and now a piece of junk fell an hour away from my house,” Lawler told the Canadian Press. “It’s literally hitting close to home.”
Oddly enough, the big SpaceX dump nearly hit home in a very different way. While it would’ve been funnier if it had instead landed near Vulcan, an otherwise unremarkable hick town in neighboring Alberta that does its best to milk the connection to the Star Trek universe, the Sawchuk farm is actually just a three-hour drive from where Musk first stayed with distant family after arriving solo in Canada as a teenager and scoring citizenship through his mother.
There’s no word yet on precisely what the aforementioned Mr. Sawchuk plans to do with his space junk windfall, but there’s been speculation he’s planning to sell it and use the proceeds to build a hockey rink in Ituna, the nearest town to his farm.
How very Canadian, eh?
What is BORG drinking, and why is it a dangerous trend? An expert explains:
This travesty is yet another reason why I’m glad I didn’t have children and send them off to college.
Just don’t do your BORG drinking while you’re doing this:
The fan site authorities say is 'profiting from the exploitation and sexualisation of children':
Who says the Internet isn’t a vast cesspool catering to the worst among us?
In one photo Rosie lounges on the ground, wearing a tight crop top, staring into the camera. In other photos she poses like a model, looking over her shoulder, pouting.
These images have been posted to an online platform where "fans" can subscribe for "exclusive" pictures of their favourite influencers.
Fans need to be over 18 to subscribe. In other words: adults only.
But Rosie is a child. She's only allowed on the platform because one of her parents manages the account.
The above is only the introduction and the stuff that didn’t make me want to toss my breakfast. It gets worse, especially when you begin to realize that, in some cases, parents are facilitating the online exploitation of their children.
I have no words, only unending disgust, so I’ll stop here.
Dublin-New York portal reopens with set hours:
“…henceforth, all transAtlantic nudity and lewd acts shall take place only during normal business hours….”
This is why we can’t have nice things, y’all. Apparently, we need adult supervision at all times.
A live video "portal" between Dublin and New York has reopened after it was temporarily closed due to "inappropriate behaviour".
The continuous live stream, which allows users in each city to see each other and interact, was switched off on 14 May less than a week after it opened.
A message on the blank screen stated: “Portal is asleep - back up soon.”
Incidents, which have been shared extensively across social media platforms, involved users "mooning", displaying swearwords, and flashing various body parts.
One Dublin user displayed a video of the 9/11 attacks in New York.
Of course, any reasonable person with a moderately well-developed sense of how to comport themselves in public would have to ask, “Why?” And, of course, there would be no logical answers besides “Some folks can’t be trusted to behave like adults.”
Dublin City Council said the livestream will operate in the coming weeks from 1100 to 2100 local time in Dublin and from 0600 EDT to 1600 EDT in New York.
In a statement, the council said the attraction has amassed tens of thousands of visitors and received almost two billion online impressions during its time in operation.
"The overwhelming majority of people who have visited the portal sculptures have experienced the sense of joy and connectedness that these works of public art invite people to have," the statement said.
It also reminded the public that the sculptures are not meant to be touched or stepped on.
"We have taken steps to limit instances of people stepping on the portal and holding phones up to the camera lens," the statement added.
"The Portals.org team has implemented a proximity-based solution. Now, if individuals step on the portal and obstruct the camera, it will trigger a blurring of the livestream for everyone on both sides of the Atlantic."
The portal in Dublin was erected just off the junction where North Earl Street runs onto the city's main thoroughfare, O'Connell Street.
The New York portal is located on the Flatiron South Public Plaza at Broadway, Fifth Avenue, and 23rd Street, at one of the city's most dynamic intersections.
So maybe, just maybe, with some proper guidelines in place, the children amongst us will behave themselves and allow the adults to enjoy what an amazing gift the Portal is—and it truly is a gift.
And ladies, while we know you’re proud of your rack, keep in mind that most of us have seen a pair of tits before, yeah? KTHNXBYE!!!
Man, whoever this “Eyes on the Right” dude is has some SERIOUS anger management issues, knowhutimean? Then again, I suppose this makes sense on a website called “Angry White Men.”
On a portion of his Nightly Offensive show which was broadcast on YouTube, Elijah Schaffer called for the execution of any leader responsible for the “replacement of white people.” Schaffer made the comments while ranting about multiculturalism, “Zionists” who “hate white people,” and Sikh members of the Canadian police force who wear turbans.
First of all, no one is replacing angry White guys. Most of us have far better things to do with our time than worrying about whatever you consider your prerogative or birthright or whatever you choose to call it.
Second, you don’t own America or Canada, despite what you may think. Good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual Male Patriots don’t hold the title to this country or our neighbors to the north, despite what y’all may think. We don’t own y’all, but neither do we respect what you consider your “birthright.” You OWN nothing simply because you believe you constitute a majority.
Third, advocating for violence against specific people or groups at some point becomes a crime. Words matter—just ask Timothy McVeigh. Oh, wait—you can’t because the federal government executed McVeigh for his crimes against humanity. That’s what happens when you believe you have the right to “wage war” against those who are good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual Male Patriots.
Georgia Republican official and outspoken election denier caught voting illegally 9 times:
Have you noticed that, even with all of the Republicans who’ve screamed themselves hoarse shouting “ERECTION ELECTION FRAUD!!,” virtually ALL of the cases of ACTUAL election fraud have been committed by…wait for it…REPUBLICANS??
A judge has found Georgia Republican Party official Brian Pritchard guilty of illegally voting nine times over several years. Pritchard has falsely asserted Democrats had stolen the 2020 election through fraud.
Administrative Law Judge Lisa Boggs wrote in her Wednesday decision that Pritchard, the Georgia GOP’s first vice chairman, violated state election laws by voting while on probation for forgery and other felonies, and that his explanations were neither "credible or convincing."….
On Thursday, Georgia Republican Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene called on Pritchard to “resign immediately or be removed” from his Georgia GOP position because he “voted ILLEGALLY nine times while serving out his probation for FELONY check forgery.”
“The Republican Party is the party of election integrity,” Greene said on X, formerly Twitter, and “our state party should be the leading voice on securing our elections.”
If this newsletter had audio, y’all would’ve heard irony screaming its last dying breath. The idea of MTG using “integrity” seriously in ANY sense is about enough to make my pointy li’l head explode. I’m not sure I can respond to a sentence weighed down with so much stoopid.
OMG, why does my brain suddenly hurt so much??
TINY update on one of Donald Trump’s crowd sizes, and we do mean tiny.
Last week, poor Eric Trump was out there babbling nonsense that Daddy was more popular than Bruce Springsteen, Daddy had 100,000 people come to see him on the beach in New Jersey, Daddy knows my name, Daddy loves me, etc. You know, the typical “pick me” shit that comes out of Trump boys’ mouths on the reg.
At the time, it was kind of unclear how many people were at the Trump rally, even as we all agreed we could laugh at the 100,000 number. Even Fox News was saying it might have been more like 30,000. The town of Wildwood was saying 80,000, but deeper examination by the local news revealed that they are also counting people who weren’t exactly on the beach at the Trump rally.
Also, did you count from the beginning of the rally, or at the end, after thousands of people left out of boredom, because Donald Trump is just an old boring man yelling at clouds?
Guess what? It turns out that size does make a difference.
The town of Wildwood has issued a clarification:
InsiderNJ reports:
Wildwood officials who were the source for the Associated Press’s reporting that former President Trump drew between 80,000 to 100,000 to a beach front weekend rally now say it was not the number on the beach at the rally per se, but rather it was the number of people “in our town.”
They didn’t know they weren’t supposed to count people NOT at the rally when you asked how many people were AT the rally.
And if that estimate eats a dick too, surely there were 80,000 people in New Jersey at the time. Or on the entire eastern seaboard, definitely 80,000 people there too.
For the actual rally number “we defer to the Trump Campaign for the exact count on the beach,” the latest Wildwood statement asserts.
The latest Wildwood statement is a naive fucking idiot who was literally born yesterday.
Lisa Fagan, the Wildwood press spokesperson AP originally cited as the source for the original crowd estimate was quoted as saying the eye-popping estimate was “based off her own observations on the scene Saturday, having seen ‘dozens’ of other events in the same space.”
Uh, WUT?? If you can feel yourself becoming dumber by the minute, run to your nearest bottle of Irish whiskey and take a swig—maybe two or three—NOW; it’s your only hope.
Hey, it’s New Jersey; we shoot first and count later.
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Please tune in next time, when I’ll be fighting public nudity charges from Delaware in 1997. Not only have I never been to Delaware, but I’m not sure I was ever naked- publicly or otherwise in 1997—although there are two or three days that year I can’t account for.
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