God hates us and wishes we would eat a bag of dicks (the Dogpatch mix)

Won't you please help return the most competent knuckle-dragging Cro-Magnon Congresscritter from North Bumfuck to Congress?

More Truth Social mental masturbation:

Look, I’m as tired of MTG’s self-serving and frankly ridiculous arguments served up straight from the Kremlin’s Propaganda Office as anyone, and I’m as sick of writing about her as is possible for a human to be. This response, though, is directed globally at those opposed to aid to Ukraine…including the knuckle-dragging troglodyte from Dogpatch.

First, America is bound to Ukraine by a treaty signed in the wake of the former Soviet republic agreeing to give up its share of the former USSR’s nuclear arsenal in 1996. Perhaps MTG and the Freedumb Caucus are opposed to honoring America’s commitments, but some of us believe that American integrity still means something.

Second, there’s no way to prove that Russia intends to invade the rest of Europe if they conquer Ukraine. That’s like demanding that someone disprove a negative. MTG is demanding that Speaker Johnson prove the unprovable.

Third, by delivering aid and war materiél to Ukraine now, we can ensure that the Ukrainian military continues bleeding the Russians, who’ve already suffered considerable losses. In doing so, this means American boots aren’t on the ground, and we’re, in effect, fighting a proxy war against Vladimir Putin’s Russia. As sad as it is to say this, every Russian soldier that dies in Ukraine is one that won’t be fighting American soldiers.

Fourth, if Russia does attack Europe, that will draw in NATO, which will mean American boots on the ground and…well, welcome to WWIII. THAT will suck donkey balls.

So, how about we do what we can to assist an ally we have a treaty (and thus a moral) commitment to? American aid and materiél will help Ukrainians defend their homeland, fight for their freedom, and keep American troops from being directly involved in the fighting. Win, win, win.

Pretty fucking brilliant, yeah? Thank me when MTG is installed as a lifetime member of the Politburo.

(Yes, I hate devoting yet more column inches to MTG, but her verbal vomit mirrors a common argument from the GOP Freedumb Caucus, one that borders on treason more often than not.)

Jesse Watters Says Trump Much Too OLD For Criminal Trials. Much Too Who What Now? OLD, He Said OLD.:

I love it when Fox News talking heads are unintentionally hilarious, but sometimes they say the dumb part out loud, knowhutimean? Jesse Watters is no one’s Ph.D. candidate, so if you think I’m being harsh, wait a few minutes. He’ll prove me right.

[T]hese quick little days are CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT for Trump to endure, saith Fox News’s creepy human ice cream van Jesse Watters, and you know why? Because poor Trump is just too old to handle such things.

Bless. His. Heart….

JESSE WATTERS: But the guy needs exercise. He's usually golfing.

Oh, poppycock. “Exercise” is a pretty serious way to describe what Waddles the Clown does on his golf courses. Plus, he thinks real exercise will kill you. Better stay in that chair and rage about people calling him an idiot and a liar and report on his farts and report on his naps and draw ugly pictures that show what an idiot he really looks like.

Etc.

WATTERS: And so, you're going to put a man who's almost 80, sitting in a room like this on his butt for all that time? It's not healthy. You know how big of a health nut I am. He needs sunlight and he needs activity.

Gotta use it, lest you lose it! That’s what they’re always saying down at the retirement home. At the very least they should put on a Silver Sneakers video for him and let him do some gross old man butt kegels or something.

Now we have to acquit Agolf Shitler because of his age? But some of these same folks were arguing not so very long ago that he’s fit and hearty, much more so than Sleepy Joe.

So, which is it? Is he too old and frail? Hale and hearty? Flatulent and somnolent? All of the above? Some of the above?

Or maybe y’all need to do a better job of making up excuses for Trumple Thinskin.

Flatulent narcoleptic demands the right to do whatever he damned well pleases:

Good Lord, but this is tiresome. Can’t we just lock him up and be done with the tiresome mental and moral nonentity already??

How Toxic Is Trump? Republican Group's Hidden Camera Reveals Uncomfortable Truth.:

There’s a basic logical assumption in play here: If you wouldn’t hire someone facing 88 felony charges to work in your porn shop, why would you vote for him to be President?

And it’s not like the video was made by a group of wild-eyed, woolly-headed Libruls.

A Republican group opposed to Donald Trump used hidden cameras to show just how hard it would be for someone with his résumé to get a job at a local mall.

“If Trump is too big of a liability to get a job at your local mall, he is too big of a liability to be president of the United States,” the voice-over says in the new video from Republican Voters Against Trump, which will air on Fox News, among other places.

The video features a job-seeker explaining his troubled past to prospective retail employers.

“I’m currently facing 88 felonies,” he explains, adding that the charges include retention of classified information and falsifying business documents. He also mentions being found liable for sexual assault.

“We run a full background,” one manager tells him, adding bluntly: “It won’t go through.”

Indeed. Lock him up.

Lara Trump Threatens ‘Four Years of Scorched Earth’ If Trump Retakes Power:

Wow, doesn’t this sound like a good time will be had by all? There’s no promise of all the good things her father-in-law will do for America or how he’ll make things better—just retribution, revenge, and settling scores—precisely what a President should spend the four years of his term doing, yeah?

What a sorry collection of miserable fucking meat sacks. It’s not even a family; it’s an aggregation of parasites, whiners, and entitled bloodsucking leeches who believe the world is their property and the rest of us exist to serve their petty needs, entitlements, and grievances.

May they all marinate in an acid bath in the pits of Hell once they’re lined up against a wall and mercifully dispatched from this world.

Being an intellectual ain’t what it used to be…is it, Ben?:

Say, wasn’t Ben Stein considered to be an intellectual or something similar at some point in time…like maybe the Pleistocene Era?

Jesus, but the smartest people say some of the most unbelievably stupid things on Truth Social. It’s like an echo chamber where people can let their inner moron run free with out fear or consequence.

No, Ben, it’s not a coup. It’s karma. And decent, patriotic Americans are about to reclaim their country and bathe in schadenfreude as if there’s an endless supply.

Isn’t it time for you to remove your anterior from your posterior?

Poll: Majority of Americans Prefer Sleeping Trump to Conscious Version:

(SAUL LOEB/AFP via Getty Images)

Who wouldn’t prefer Trumple Thinskin asleep? When he could spew his bile to the four winds…in his dreams. For those of us who spend our days wishing he’d be struck deaf and dumb and lose the use of his fingers…yeah, we’ll sure as Hell settle for a somnolent Agolf Shitler if that’s the best we can do.

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a development that an aide to the presumptive GOP nominee called “the best news this campaign has gotten in quite some time,” a new poll shows that a majority of likely voters “vastly prefer” Donald J. Trump when he is asleep to when he is awake.

According to the survey, conducted by the Opinion Research Institute at the University of Minnesota, the conscious version of Trump garners a lowly 41 percent approval rating, in marked contrast with the unconscious version’s 98 percent.

When asked to state what they liked most about the slumbering Trump, 72 percent checked “Cannot say anything,” while a whopping 83 percent ticked “Can do no harm.”

Carol Foyler, a top Trump campaign aide, said that the numbers suggest “we have to do a better job of getting the message out that Donald Trump is asleep most if not all of the day.”

“We need to showcase Mr. Trump at campaign events where he looks heavy-lidded and, ideally, snores,” she said. “If, during a debate with Biden, he were to suddenly doze off and face-plant on the podium, that would be huge for us.”

Yes, indeed; that would be a YUUUGE win for America.

This is an even YUUUGER win, though:

And the band played on….

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