God hates us and wishes we would eat a bag of dicks (The Jesus was a hamster mix)

This is why we can't have nice things, y'all

Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker bashes Pride Month, tells women to stay in the kitchen:

It’s one thing to hold views that establish your religious faith and morals as firmly established in the 17th century. It’s quite another to broadcast them in a public forum like a college commencement speech, where the media will pick up those views and broadcast them to the four winds.

So, yeah, tell us you’re an asshole without telling us you’re an asshole; why don’t you?

After delivering some incendiary comments about Covid and President Biden, Butker got around to what he perceives as a woman’s ultimate and rightful place: the kitchen.

“I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolic lies told to you. Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.

“I can tell you that my beautiful wife Isabelle would be the first to say her life truly started when she started living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I’m on this stage today, able to be the man that I am, because I have a wife who leans into her vocation.

“I’m beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all. Homemaker.”

Then, Butker got to what he termed the dangers of the “church of nice.”

Oh, I see. This is the part of the program where Butker gets “real” and tells us how it is. And for him, it’s that his beliefs elevate him over other, lesser humans who don’t adhere to his godly narrow prejudices (“I’m the one with the penis, so I make the rules”).

“The world around us says that we should keep our beliefs to ourselves whenever they go against the tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion,” Butker said. “We fear speaking truth, because now, unfortunately, truth is in the minority.”

Then, on to Pride Month, which takes place in June.

“Not the deadly sins sort of Pride that has an entire month dedicated to it, “but the true God-centered pride that is cooperating with the holy ghost to glorify him.”

Yeah, your “truth” doesn’t give Christians the right and the obligation to be a self-righteous, homophobic dick. Perhaps Butker conveniently ignored the part of Jesus’ teachings where the Prince of Peace preaches against arrogance, self-righteousness, and judging others.

Here’s a “truth” for Harrison Butker: Being a White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual judgmental asshole doesn’t make you better than those who don’t fit a narrow pigeonhole. It just makes him a judgmental asshole and a shitty Christian.

Go ahead, tell me you’re an asshole without telling me you’re an asshole. Oh, wait—you just did.

Kristi Noem Embarrassment Week Will Be Over When Kristi Noem Stops Embarrassing Herself:

Have you ever had one of those days when, no matter what you do, you can’t stop doing stupid shit? It’s a day when everything you do or say ends up coming back to bite you in the ass until you want to crawl into a sewer and pull the manhole cover over you until it all goes away?

South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (R) is attempting to make a career of it. No matter what she does or says or how sincerely she does it or says it, the hole she’s dug for herself keeps expanding exponentially—and she’s the one doing the digging.

Then again, this kind of problem is what one should expect when one puffs up their resume with things they never did, people they never talked to, appointments they never had, or dogs and goats they executed.

Jesus, what a fucking idiot.

Jason Rapert Claims He’s The Victim Of A ‘Hostile Work Environment’ On The Arkansas Library Board:

Christian Nationalist bully says WUT???

It’s SO tough being a Christian White male these days. I mean, you have NO idea…because Jason Rapert will tell you:

Rapert has focused on this mission since joining the Arkansas state library board and it does not appear to be endearing him to his fellow board members, at least according to a recent episode of Rapert’s “Save The Nation” program in which he complained of experiencing a “hostile work environment” because he is “a Christian white male.”

“Many of you know that a few months ago I was appointed to the Arkansas state library board by governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders,” Rapert said. “Governor Sanders called upon me [because] there’s a problem in Arkansas—right here in some of our small towns—with people that have gotten so blinded from the truth and so eat up with their liberalism, their secularism, that they would absolutely defend putting smut, pornographic, obscene material on shelves of libraries for children.”

“I can’t believe I’m having to even sit here and talk to you about this,” Rapert added. “So, I was asked to serve on the Arkansas state library board. And you know what? The very first meeting that I served on there— I’m the only white male on the board—and I believe they’ve created a hostile work environment for a Christian white male on the board because they absolutely can’t stand it that I’m speaking up to say, ‘We need to do something about these nasty books.'”

Yeah, you never know what those damned Librul books are capable of, eh?

'Reality check': Reporter shuts down Marjorie Taylor Greene's latest demand:

It can be difficult to believe how bad Rep. Marjorie Trailer Greene (R-GA) is at her job. Combine that with her towering stupidity, and what you have is someone who may well be The Dumbest Congresscritter in AmeriKKKan History ©.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) appeared on Maria Bartiromo's Fox Business show on Sunday to defend her efforts to oust House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) last week.

During the interview, Greene told Bartiromo that she would have happily backed off her crusade to ouster Johnson on the condition that he defund special counsel Jack Smith's criminal cases into former President Donald Trump.

The problem is that the Speaker doesn’t have the power to do that unilaterally. It would have to be approved by the House, in which Republicans currently have a one-vote majority, and then passed by the Senate, which has a Democratic majority. So, the chances of that happening are nil.

Sahil Kapur, a reporter at NBC News, took to Twitter after Greene's interview and explained why her ransom demand from Johnson was simply not realistic.

"Reality check: Mike Johnson cannot single-handedly defund Jack Smith," he noted. "Republicans have introduced amendments to do this but they’ve gone nowhere in committee and don’t have the votes in the House, let alone the Senate. Also, government funding is done and settled through Sept 30."

Greene also told Johnson last week that she wanted him to pledge to never again send money to Ukraine, which is trying to stave off an invasion from Russia.

Greene has baselessly accused Ukraine of waging a "war on Christianity" and has spouted bogus claims about the country "executing priests."

While it may be difficult to imagine that a duly elected Congresswoman could be so astonishingly stupid, I assure you that this is not a drill. She IS that intellectually (and morally) bereft.

MTG is also utterly devoid of self-awareness and remains the top Congressional poster child for the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

NYC-Dublin live video art installation already bringing out the worst in people with lewd displays:

This silliness is why we can’t have nice things.

Surprising absolutely no one, the voyeuristic new “Portal” street exhibit in the Flatiron District connecting New York City and Dublin with a 24/7 live video feed has already caused chaos — with mischief-makers on Ireland’s side flashing everything from their bare bums to swastikas and a photo of the Twin Towers in flames on 9/11.

Part interactive sculpture and part webcam, the 3.5-ton portal was installed May 8 at the busy Manhattan junction of Broadway, Fifth Avenue and 23rd Street. It opened in tandem with its sister Portal in Dublin, positioned facing the city’s bustling O’Connell Street.

Billed by Portals.org, the group behind the project, as a “bridge to a united planet,” each structure enables passers-by in either city to see — but not hear — what’s happening on the other side 24 hours a day on a massive 8-foot-by-8-foot video screen.

Come on, what did those who set up the installation think would happen? Being fundamentally stupid and ill-behaved, people will inevitably default to being their worst selves when they have no idea what else to do.

Gagged Trump gets cronies to call hush money trial a 'sham' in Truth Social spree:

Now, here’s something we never could’ve expected, right? Trump using his black hole of a rage-fest social media site to rage against his hush-money trial in Manhattan? Even better, he’s coerced several of his acolytes to weigh in on their Truth Social accounts.

Lord Stumblefuck believes that Truth Social is a major influencer among social media platforms. The truth is much less favorable to him- Truth Social is a closed circuit, a place where angry Right-wingers scream into the void. No one hears because no one cares. The only reason anyone knows about what Dolt 45 says is because the media tracks his posts.

I have a Truth Social account, which I use primarily for cheap entertainment. Beyond that, it’s a meaningless platform where unserious but furious people who take themselves VERY seriously say VERY serious but VERY stupid things to an audience of people who think just like they do.

Preaching to the choir, they are.

Senate's Dumbest Coach Didn't Have NO FUN At Trump's Big Time Peener Trial In New York City:

America’s Dumbest Senator ©, Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL), has, for some reason, descended upon New York this week to be part of the madness surrounding Dolt 45’s hush-money trial. The senior Senator from Alabama is Big Mad because he feels that Lord Stumblefuck isn’t being granted the respect he feels a man of his “stature” is due.

Hmm…you mean an accused criminal who happens to be a former President deserves special treatment just because he’s a former President? Oh, HELL no.

[Sen. Tuberville] was aggrieved and upsetted and feelin’ poorly about what was goin’ on inside that there danged courtroom. First of all, they wouldn’t even give Donald Trump the worship and adulation Coach Pigfuck knows he deserves! His whining started there, and moved on:

“First of all, I’m disappointed in the courtroom. I’m hearing, ‘Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump.’ He is former President Trump. Give him some respect.

We decline.

We do note how funny and impotent the twangy coach man sounds when he demands respect for a man who hasn’t earned it. One imagines he’s probably taken that same tone with an intelligent student who refused to treat him like a real educator.

“I mean, that’s what that place is in there. It’s no respect!

Big man so mad.

“Here is what I’m seeing, too. It is depressing. That courtroom is depressing.

Bless your heart. Bless Trump’s heart. Bless everyone’s hearts.

“This is New York City. The icon of our country, and we got a courtroom that’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever been in.

Did this redneck think the judge was going to be wearing a fun Statue of Liberty headdress? Maybe everybody gets to wear an “I Love NY” T-shirt or get free tickets to The Lion King?

Respect? The defendant, for that’s what Donny Diaperfull is at this moment in time, is getting precisely the respect he deserves. In the eyes of the law, he’s a defendant—not a former President, and certainly not someone worthy of special treatment.

Sen. Tuberville should return to Alabama and work off his stress with some pig-rasslin’, knowhutimean?

Trump praises ‘late, great’ fictional mass murderer Hannibal Lecter as ‘a wonderful man’ at New Jersey rally:

Good Lord, what a hopeless fucking moron.

Donald Trump delivered one of the strangest remarks of the 2024 campaign season so far when he praised the fictional serial killer Hannibal Lecter to a crowd of his supporters in New Jersey on Saturday night, hailing the cannibal murderer as “a wonderful man”.

“Silence of the Lambs! Has anyone ever seen Silence of the Lambs?” the Republican presidential candidate asked his supporters during a beachfront address in Wildwood on the Jersey Shore.

He continued: “The late, great Hannibal Lecter. He’s a wonderful man. He oftentimes would have a friend for dinner. Remember the last scene? ‘Excuse me, I’m about to have a friend for dinner,’ as this poor doctor walks by.

“‘I’m about to have a friend for dinner.’ But Hannibal Lecter. Congratulations, the late, great Hannibal Lecter…”

The question, of course, is, did Lord Stumblefuck understand—or even realize—that the person he was waxing rhapsodic over was fictional? Not that it matters to him or the multitude of inbreds hanging on his every word, of course. He could’ve told them Jesus was a hamster, and they would’ve cheered in ecstasy.

From there, he suddenly segued into a more familiar tirade about illegal immigration at America’s southern border with Mexico, declaring: “We have people that are being released into our country that we don’t want in our country…”

Thomas Harris’s fictional monster first appeared in his 1981 novel Red Dragon and has been played on screen since by Brian Cox, Sir Anthony Hopkins and Gaspard Ulliel and on television by Mads Mikkelsen, with Sir Anthony winning an Oscar for his chilling performance in the 1991 Jonathan Demme film alluded to by Mr Trump.

Wait—Jesus was a hamster?

'What The Hell's She Talking About?'- Ex-RNC Chair Exposes Lara Trump's Blatant Lie:

If Dolt 45’s daughter-in-law, Lara Trump, has established anything since she was installed as chairwoman of the Republican National Committee (RNC), it’s that she’s a shameless, no-holds-barred liar. She demonstrated her lack of integrity over this past weekend—and got her ass handed to her by former RNC Chairman and current MSNBC host Michael Steele.

Former Republican National Committee Chair Michael Steele put current RNC co-chair Lara Trump on blast over an unbelievable claim she made last week about father-in-law Donald Trump.

Lara Trump said it’s “pretty obvious” the former president accepts the results of the 2020 election.

Lying figurehead says WUT??

“What the hell’s she talking about?” Steele asked on MSNBC on Sunday. “Did she not just hear his rally? She not been paying attention to what this man is saying for the last five years?” 

Trump at a rally in New Jersey on Saturday falsely claimed that Democrats had “rigged” the 2020 election, a lie he’s repeated since before voting in 2020 even began. 

“Of course he doesn’t accept the election results,” Steele said. “Stop it.” 

Seriously. What has Lord Stumblefuck built his last almost four years on? It’s been nothing but the Big Lie that the 2020 was stolen from him 24/7/365.

I don’t necessarily mind being lied to. That said, it pisses me off to no end when idiots like Lara Trump insult my intelligence by failing to put any effort whatsoever into their dissembling.

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Tune in next time when we’ll be sacrificing a virgin for the first time—assuming we can find one, of course. Until then, don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.

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