Harriet Hageman- Proof That Liars Can And Do Prosper
A noun, a verb, and "THE 2020 Presidential election was rigged!!!"
WELL, Wyoming voters have done gone and upgraded their Congresscritter. Yessireebob, they done went from reasonably sane (Republican Liz Cheney) to pure, unadulterated, batshit crazy Harriet Hageman. It can be challenging to find the words to describe Ms. Hageman, other than to say if ever anyone was crying out to be on a court-ordered Thorazine drip, it’s Wyoming’s new Congresswoman.
‘Course, Ms. Hageman isn’t Wyoming’s next Congresscritter yet, at least not officially. Democrats will throw up some token opposition to run against her in November; probably a sexual predator recently paroled from the state prison in Rawlins. There are three, maybe four Democrats in Wyoming (depending on whether old Mr. MacNaughton in Laramie is removed from life support before Election Day), which means it can be tough to find qualified candidates.
So, Congress is about to get a new addition to its growing Idiots Caucus.
[W]e would like to pre-emptively nominate Hageman for the 118th Congress’s Michele “One L” Bachmann Craziest Eyes Memorial Award. Not just because she has, well, crazy eyes. But also because she pairs them with QAnon-themed talking points calling Joe Biden the worst human trafficker in American history[.]
Really? Is Joe Biden the worst human trafficker in the history of a nation that had legalized chattel slavery for the first 100 years of its existence? A country where you could find a slave market in every city and town at the rate at which today you can find a Starbucks?
If Hageman is reading this, and why wouldn’t she be, we’re assigning her some homework, and that is for her to look up who exactly built that giant Capitol building she’s going to be working in come January. Hint: It wasn’t the Chinese, you’re thinking of the Intercontinental Railroad. Different exploitation of labor.
We bring this up because we’ve been thinking that what with Hageman’s ascension and Louie Gohmert retiring to his asparagus ranch in Texas come January, Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene seemingly have competition for loopiest member of the House of Representatives.
And this is before we even get to Sarah Palin possibly being in Congress next year. Lord, what a bounty You have provided.
Dear Lord, we thank you for the gracious bounty of idiocy you have provided us, for we shall be overflowing with stupidity, mean-spirited legislation, and inane pronouncements for all the days of our lives. And we shall soon see the creation of our new and almighty idiocracy, for with Reps. Palin, Taylor Greene, and Boebert, Rep. Hageman will be in good company as she spreads her unique brand of idiocy.
Nice work, Wyoming! The good news is that, by electing her to Congress, she won’t be in the Equality State (No, I’m not kidding, that’s Wyoming’s official nickname. Really. I’m serious.) for most of the year.
Not only is Hageman a pathetic, pathological liar, but she’s also a Trumpbot who appears incapable of independent thought. If you listen to her speak, it’s a noun, a verb, and “THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WAS RIGGED!!”
Oh, and there’s the whole, “JOE BIDEN IS THE BIGGEST HUMAN TRAFFICKER EVER!!” thing. If you were making slanderous accusations, it might be good to present a wee bit of evidence to back up your character assassination. Something to think about for the future; you can thank me later.
Ah, but I keep forgetting. Being a Republican means never having to apologize, explain yourself, OR present evidence when slandering a Democrat. So calling Joe Biden a “human trafficker” with no evidence whatsoever is perfectly acceptable because he’s a Democrat, and Democrats are the spawns of Satan, don’tchaknow?
Hageman has a built-in advantage in that she’ll arrive in Congress with a well-deserved reputation for being crazier than the Unabomber and who long ago rejected truth, morality, and sensibility in favor of all-in Trumpism.
And those eyes. Jesus Christ, those eyes. Those are enough to make me rethink driving through Wyoming in the winter. Because I NEVER want to wake up lashed to a bed in rural Bumfuck, Wyoming, with no cell phone and Harriet Hageman as my caretaker.
If I was married to Hageman- and thank Christ I’m not- I’d be afraid to go to sleep. I’d be terrified that I’d have to take inventory of my appendages and vital organs every morning. Or that I’d wake up in a cheap Mexican hotel in a bathtub full of ice and minus a kidney.
Morality? Honesty? Integrity? These words aren’t in Harriet Hageman’s vocabulary. From lying her ass off about Liz Cheney not contacting her to concede (Cheney did and recorded the call) to her support for Donald Trump’s desire to be an autocrat, Hageman is as disingenuous as the day is long.
She and Trump make great political bedfellows. Neither has ever met a lie they couldn’t tell. They excel at cheap character assassination. And neither has any discernible political philosophy, save for seizing power by any means necessary.
Hageman will fit right in with the other Trumpbots in Congress, and she’ll feel right at home in the Idiots Caucus, though Louie Gohmert’s contribution will be missed.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene may already be recognizing that she’ll have to bring the crazy and mean-spirited in the next Congress. So she’s already upping her game in anticipation of Harriet Hageman’s arrival.
MGT went ahead and introduced a new bill that, while it won’t pass before 2025 at the earliest, could in our estimation take its place alongside the Fugitive Slave Act as one of the most morally abhorrent pieces of legislation that any representative has ever vomited up.
The bill is called the Protect Children’s Innocence Act. You can read it here, or you can trust us that it makes providing gender affirming care to minors a class C felony, putting it on a par, legally speaking, with murder.
Here, let’s let old Marge explain it in her own we guess you would call those words to Tucker Carlson. TRIGGER WARNING: This clip contains two chucklefuck Nazis who in a saner world would be broadcasting only to an audience of about 10 Aryan Nation lunatics on a shortwave radio from a cabin deep in the Yukon:
Yessirree, if Harriet Hageman is planning on claiming the title of “Stupidest Woman in Congress,” she’ll have to wrest the title from MTG and Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO). Neither of them will give it up without a fight.
Of course, “stupidest” is far too often synonymous with “meanest.”
These people think about transitioning people more than transitioning people do.
Anyway, Lauren Boebert doesn't seem to have signed on as a co-sponsor of this monstrosity as of this writing. We'll assume she's either busy helping her drunk husband threaten the neighbors or somewhere dreaming up an even crueler bill that will put her back in the lead in this contest that has no winners.
It’s frightening to think that much of what will happen within the GOP over the next few years may well be in the hands of three of the stupidest women to be found anywhere in this great nation. Reps. Taylor Greene, Boebert, and Hageman, none of whom know the first thing about the Constitution, believe that they, being White, Christian, and heterosexual, are the Chosen Ones.
I don’t know about you, but that scares the Hell out of me.
We're all thoroughly hosed when stupid and mean-spirited are the new intelligent and compassionate.
Við erum svo rækilega helvíti.
Yeah, we’re thoroughly f****d.
