Hey, did I miss the Rapture or something??

Yesterday was supposed to be kind of a BFD, wasn't it??

If you’re reading this, it means you didn’t get raptured yesterday when the eclipse occurred. Sorry, man; I know how much y’all were looking forward to shedding your mortal coil and blowing this pop stand, but can I share a little secret with you?

It was all bullshit, anyway. No, really. Total, unadulterated, 100%, Grade-A, USDA Prime, first class, top shelf, 99.44335623765% pure bullshit. Someone was trying to separate you from your money, so I’m hoping you didn’t wire your life savings to your cousins in Nigeria.

If you did…DUDE, you are so fucked. Sorry, good luck reaching your Nigerian cousins to reclaim your money, knowhutimean??

I can only speak for myself, but I have a suspicion that I’m not the only one who might find something like this pretty damned hilarious. The idea that a limp-dick incel with a Napoleon complex like Nick Fuentes, who’s a Christian like I’m a Premier League goalkeeper, can tell me how to “be right with God” is beyond laughable.

No, I wouldn’t depend on Fuentes for directions to a gay bathhouse, which, I suspect, might be where he spends a good deal of his spare time. Why else would he be so righteously and rigidly opposed to what others do? Does it impinge on the quality of his life? Does it materially impact how he gets through his day? Does it in ANY WAY have a deleterious effect on his ability to lead a fulfilling life?

Well, only if by “his ability to lead a fulfilling life” you mean “his ability to stomp on the rights of others as he deems appropriate.”

There is no conceivable circumstance in which I could foresee a reason why anything Nick Fuentes believes, says, or does would carry any weight or have any meaning. Yet, people listen to him for reasons I can’t begin to grasp. If you believe Fuentes is a man with some intellectual and moral heft, you have my condolences…and you need to pick better role models.

Are there that many dateless, resentful males out there who believe that women OWE them sex but aren’t giving it up for them because…well, because they’re stuck-up bitches who don’t know what’s good for them?

Or who, in Fuentes’ case, believe that having heterosexual sex is “gay?” I wish I could say I’m making this up.

Are you tired of the Biden Administration relentlessly pushing the Gay and Transgender Agendas? Well, Christian Pseudo-Historian Tim Barton certainly is, and few righteous, godly White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual Patriots were more outraged about Transgender Day of Visibility (TDoV) being celebrated on the same day as Easter this year.

Never mind that Easter fell on the same day as TDoV, which is always on March 31. Barton’s never been bit on letting truth and details get in the way of perfectly good righteous outrage.

Of course, Barton will be thrilled next year when Easter falls on Hitler’s birthday. That should be a good time, eh?

Man, these idjits can’t even lie with panache or skill. Like this one, for f’rinstance:

This slander isn’t just about making things up. Kerr is just flat-out lying, which is evidently permissible if done in the name of Jesus Christ. President Biden never said this, nor did he even hint at it in any way…not that it matters to Kat Kerr, who seldom lets the truth stand in the way of an opportunity to slander the President.

I don’t care who you are, how insane you are, or how long you’ve been off your meds. You shouldn’t get to spread lies about Joe Biden without getting called out. Kerr’s hypocrisy is sickening, but what makes it worse is that she’s hardly the only one doing it. There’s an entire Right-wing cottage industry of prophets/liars/grifters bent on monetizing their enmity for Joe Biden, and they’re shamelessly pushing that agenda regardless of who calls them on it.

I hope Kerr and her fellow prophets/liars/grifters will rot in the Hell they so fervently believe in. They deserve nothing less.

If you can’t beat ‘em…well, you know what you have to do, right? You change the rules of the game in the middle of it to help your cause.

Or- short version- you cheat ‘em.

When you have nothing to offer America, when you can’t tell the American Sheeple how you plan to make things better because you have no plan to improve ANYTHING, and when you’re too damned lazy to do the heavy lifting of policymaking, what do you do?

Yep, Suppose you’re a member of the American Taliban who doesn’t give a damn about the Johnson Amendment. In that case, you’re going to preach Trumpism from the pulpit, and you’re going to advocate for doing whatever it takes to tilt your state to Donald Trump.

Hank Kunneman may think he’s doing the right thing for the right reasons, but his church is as much about Jesus Christ as Josef Stalin was. It’s far more about temporal political power than the teachings of the Gospel, and Kunneman’s Christianity is as fraudulent as a $3 bill.

Then again, if you can’t win by the rules as they exist, you might as well cheat, yeah? Precisely like Jesus would do.

Why not? It’s not like you have anything positive to offer.

If there’s one thing that should have become crystal clear since Donald Trump descended the escalator at Trump Tower in Manhattan in 2015, it’s that you can worship Trump or Jesus Christ, but you can’t have both. They’re at different ends of the spectrum, and for someone to claim that they worship both is to tie themselves into ideological, philosophical, and theological knots. It’s impossible to reconcile the myriad differences between the two “religions.” I use ellipses because Trumpism isn’t a religion; it’s idolatry.

I don’t know what Shane Vaughn may have majored in during his time in Divinity School, but I’m guessing it was hypocrisy. For him to say he doesn’t care what happened between Donald Trump and Stormy Daniels or E. Jean Carroll is not just hypocritical, it’s unChristian.

I’d ask only one question of him. What if we were talking about a Democrat? I’d wager he’d care very much. I suspect he’d be rending his garments in righteous outrageous that such a hideous and immoral person could be allowed to run for President of this great nation.

Yet, along comes Donald Trump…and he gets a free pass? Of course he does; he’s a Republican.

Before I go, I almost missed this one…and it’s beautiful. NASA launched five top-secret missiles into the path of the eclipse. I can’t tell you how I found out because I’m writing from a secluded, secure location. The less I disclose about that, the better because the coffee and croissants here are fuckin’ AWESOME!!

Project HORSESHIT was authorized at the highest levels of the American government. Its primary purpose wasn’t scientific or even political; it was a delayed April Fools joke intended to fuck with the tiny little brains of conspiracy theorists.

Over the coming days, expect to hear plenty of chatter from Right-wing nutcases about the federal government spying on them and their movements. Honestly, though, that would be giving them far too much credit. The government doesn’t consider them a threat in any sense of the word…but they’ve had a ball spending tax dollars to fuck with their heads, and I wholeheartedly approve.

Man, I can hardly wait for Alex Jones and Glenn Beck to go nuclear. This shitshow should be worth the price of admission. Project HORSESHIT has already been a spectacular success.

Film at 11….

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