Hey, Jack...how 'bout a nice hot cuppa STFU??

In which your humble servant takes a tour around Truth Social...so you can avoid the human flotsam

© (Jim Cooke / Los Angeles Times; photo from Getty Images)

Truth Social has been in the news lately, and many of you have probably been wondering about it. Perhaps you’ve been thinking, “Hey, should I get on board the Truth train and see what all the fuss is about?”

I’ve had an account on Truth Social for a couple of years, so let me see if I can find the proper tone to answer that question.

I close my eyes, inhale deeply, and search for that dead spot in my soul that only the pain of my raw and unrequited love for my father could represent and…4…3…2….

NO!! HELL, NO!! FUCK, NO!! AVOID IT LIKE IT’S THE HUMAN SEWER/OFF-RAMP TO HELL THAT IT IS!!!! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S GOOD AND HOLY, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM TRUTH SOCIAL!!! I BESEECH THEE!!!

OK, that’s about as close as I’m going to get. One can only use “FUCK” so much to emphasize a point before y’all will begin to think I’m off my Thorazine again. Yeah, ever since the court order expired last week….

Ah, but I digress.

Spending time on Truth Social is not something that a lucid, level-headed person will find particularly uplifting. It’s what I’ve always imagined having a lobotomy with a hacksaw and no local anesthetic must be like—painful, crude, and virtually guaran-damn-teed to cause a lot of collateral damage, like losing that memory of the night you drunkenly lost your virginity.

I like Truth Social (in small doses) because I rather enjoy trolling some of the knuckledraggers who can barely construct complete, coherent sentences, like this cretin, f’rinstance:

I don’t know who (and I don’t care to know) this person is, but they do share one thing with most of the denizens of Truth Social- anger and, in some cases, unmodulated rage. The level of anger and fury on the platform is epic to the point of being well beyond unhealthy. Going through life as angry and unhinged as some of these folks are can’t be good for you…and yet, they’re ready to explode 26/8/375 at a moment’s notice.

Their baseline rage level would bust veins for most of us on the outside.

Even better, they’re 110% convinced that only they have the corner on the market regarding truth, facts, and reality when what they have is a monopoly on highly corrosive emotions like rage, reaction, and abuse.

[H]ow many of us know what Truth Social is really like? Judging by the platform's relatively low number of active users, I'm guessing it's still a mystery to many Americans. So I joined Truth Social, selflessly going there so you don't have to.

Twenty-four hours of scrolling through posts from "Truthsayers" on the two-year-old platform explained why the site is tanking. In short, partisan echo chambers are stale, musty spaces that lack the sort of oppositional views needed to make social media tick. Truth Social feels like a MAGA town hall in a ventless conference room, where an endless line of folks step up to the mic to share how the world is out to get them.

The Truth Social feed I experienced was a mix of swaggering gun talk, typo-filled Bible scripture, violent Biden bashing, nonsensical conspiracy theories and more misguided memes about Jan. 6 “hostages," trans satanists and murderous migrants than anyone should be subjected to in one day. Or ever.

Paranoia is the coin of the realm on Truth Social. What’s hilarious is that these folks honestly believe the government feels sufficiently threatened by them to persecute them.

Sure, if by “persecute,” you mean “completely ignore.”

I’ve had more Scripture quoted at me by faux “Christians” than I care to think about. It’s creepy because these folks sincerely believe they’re trying to save my soul.

Physician, heal thyself.

NumberOneDeplorable? Seriously? Only on Truth Social would someone believe that a handle such as that would be anything but an embarrassment, especially for someone trying to pass herself off as a Christian.

“My Bible predicts the future.” Well, so does my magic 8-ball, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to use it when I buy lottery tickets. Nor does it mean I get to elevate myself above others.

“My belief is superior.” Well, given that I’m convinced that you believed in something that’s not real and is merely a confirmation of your narrow fears and prejudices, that doesn’t exactly scream “SUPERIORITY!” to me. Unless we’re talking about delusions.

This silliness is one example of the Looney Tunes delusions one encounters as a matter of course on Truth Social. It’s not the exception; IT’S THE NORM.

After more than a few minutes of this madness, I could feel the worms beginning to eat into my brain. That’s when I leave the trolls in my alerts alone and go into the posts to see what sort of silliness I might counter.

Seldom am I disappointed in what I find.

Here’s a soon-to-be classic from someone who’s definitely been off his Thorazine for far too long and probably still has strap marks on his arms and legs from the numerous times he’s been restrained. The paranoia is intense in this one:

The elites drink babies blood? The Covid vax is meant to depopulate the world? Mail in ballots were used to steal and election? Cancer is purposely caused by the govt.?

Not only is whoever is behind this account a blithering idiot and a waste of a perfectly good meat sack, but they also have no idea how to use proper punctuation or construct a sentence. Then again, I think functional illiteracy may be a prerequisite for membership in the Far-right.

Then there’s Diamond and Silk, only one of whom is still alive (Diamond? Silk? Who cares, as long as you can monetize it?). If you do it right, being dead is no impediment to making money on Truth Social.

Like every other wackjob on the platform, they’re convinced that the government continues to persecute the January 6th insurrectionists. To their way of thinking, they should be treated like patriots, not common criminals. (The five who died? Probably just Antifa rumors planted in the mainstream media.)

(Remember, it’s only sedition if you’re a Republican and you say it’s sedition. Otherwise, it’s just a regular tourist visit.)

How did they reanimate Diamond? Or was it Silk? Either way, it hardly matters. Between them, they have the IQ of an espresso machine.

Even Lara Logan (she used to be a reputable journalist until the aliens probed her) is on Truth Social:

Well, yes, Lara, that’s very perceptive of you. It IS the plan, and I believe Democrats will do it the right way- no cheating, no underhanded tricks, no abortive coup attempts, just outworking Republicans to win votes the old-fashioned way.

I don’t know what her problem might be with that, but the conspiracy center in her brain has been hyperactive since the aliens had their way with her.

There’s the occasional comic relief post (I can only hope you don’t have a mouthful of coffee as you’re looking at your computer):

I’d post a few inanities from Donald Trump, but it isn’t easy to know where to begin. Donny Diaperfull posted 77 times on Easter Sunday (Jesus, Donny, like, play a round of golf or something, ferchrissakes). Of course, he’s the star attraction of the moral and human sewer that is Trump Social, the godhead of all that’s good and holy about the #1 social media platform for the angry, rage-addled, dumb as dirt, and paranoid.

There are a few “normal” people here and there, people who are there for the LOLs like myself and who hang out for the case studies in the dark side of humanity. If they’re like me, they troll a few of the self-righteous, ill-informed, and moronic gasbags who believe they’ve ascended to the pantheon of God’s Chosen Ones.

From a trailer park in Coralville, Iowa.

(Trump has virtues? Who knew??)

I’ll let you in on a secret- Hillary Clinton was right all along when she called these folks “deplorables.” She knew of which she spoke. Lost in the Right-wing Sturm und Drang over her audacity to speak the truth was that she nailed it.

The fact that these human flotsam and jetsam have found their way to Truth Social means they have an echo chamber where they can feel brilliant and beautiful. It’s confirmation bias from sunup to sundown and beyond. As long as they stay contained within the bounds of the platform, life is good. No longer do they have to feel like circus freaks. They’re all circus freaks, so it no longer matters.

When they’re allowed into the general population, the problems start. Few of these wingnuts should be allowed to mingle with the general population. Nothing good can come of it.

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