Hi, My Name Is Herschel Walker And I'm Dumb
A noun, a verb, and "I'm just a poor country boy who won the Heisman Trophy"
I heard a joke the other day, and while I don’t recall the source, I couldn’t decide whether it was cruel or spot-on. In the end, since former USFL and NFL star Herschel Walker is running for a US Senate seat in Georgia, I decided it was spot on, so I thought I’d pass it along:
The other night, as my wife and I were getting ready for bed, she started saying something completely incoherent. At first, I thought she was having a seizure…and then I realized she was quoting Herschel Walker verbatim.
If you haven’t been in Bangladesh for the past 12 months, you know that Walker (A noun, a verb, and “I won the Heisman Trophy!!”) is running for a US Senate seat in Georgia. His opponent, incumbent Democrat Rev. Raphael Warnock, is intelligent, capable, and an accomplished orator. Walker is, sadly, none of those things, and yet he has a reasonable chance of winning.
Herschel Walker is a habitual liar who invents accomplishments as he goes. In short, he’s a fact checker’s nightmare, and his staff seldom has any idea what will come out of his mouth, so they’re in constant damage-control mode. And yet, miraculously, the race is close, a reality that says more about the standards and intelligence of Georgia voters than it does about the candidates.
Hey, y’all, Herschel Walker’s running for the US Senate! Yes, it’s still true, and Savannah Now reports that Walker's amping up his game. He's "added experienced advisors from Washington to help beef up his campaign presence, minimize the missteps, and silence critics who are skeptical of his character."
This is all normal Senate campaign stuff less than two months before the election. You can see how well it's working based on what Walker said to the press during a trip to Savannah last week:
“WALKER: I am getting out talking to people and talking to you (referring to the media).”
Walker is aware of himself and his surroundings. He's aced at least two of the qualifications for sentience. There's no stopping him now.
On October 14, Georgia voters will finally see Walker and incumbent Democratic Sen. Raphael Warnock debate the issues that concern them. I mean, Warnock will definitely discuss relevant issues, and Walker will regurgitate garbled rightwing talking points. He's already lowering expectations for the debate, which I don't think is his way of luring Warnock into a false sense of security. He's just that stupid. It's the classic dope-a-dope maneuver.
Yes, he’s just that dense. And yet the question remains: How stupid is Herschel Walker?
Well, Walker seems to give himself points for self-awareness. After all, he’s getting out and meeting the people. However, that’s probably in very controlled circumstances where his inability to string together complete sentences can be camouflaged and kept under wraps.
So, he gets out and talks to the people about how he’s just a simple country boy, and Sen. Warnock’s an intelligent guy who wears fancy suits and puts on airs. So, of course, Walker isn’t exactly some poor country bumpkin. But he does go out of his way to act dumb because, truthfully, he IS dumb. After all, he majored in football at the University of Georgia.
[W]e can assume Walker has some nice suits. He boasts an estimated net worth of between $29 and $65 million and earned $4 million in income last year. Warnock, a pastor, is worth between $554,000 and $1.3 million. Walker isn't the working-class candidate just because he probably needs a crib sheet to spell his own name.
“So, he is going to show up and embarrass me at the debate Oct. 14, and I’m just waiting to show up and I will do my best.”
That’s a pretty sad and pathetic attempt to set expectations somewhere around zero. Sure, Walker says, he’s just a simple country boy who doesn’t know nuthin’, so how’s he going to be able to compete when Sen. Warnock begins tossing around his $20 words?
Does that mean that Walker can’t be a better Senator than Warnock? HELL, YES, it means that. Have you listened to Walker try to explain anything more complicated than, well….
He has, to date, speculated about America’s “good air” floating to China, given a nonsensical answer on gun control, falsely claimed to be in law enforcement, and publicly acknowledged having three children with women he wasn’t married to….
The question going forward is whether Walker’s “I’m not that smart” line is part of a concerted strategy from his campaign or just another gaffe committed by a first-time candidate who has struggled mightily to adapt to the pace and requirements of the campaign trail.
Walker has struggled to hit his stride on the campaign trail, but the fact that he has an “R” behind his name in a red state has helped him make up ground he might otherwise have lost. Republican voters in Georgia tend not to be demanding- they hate Democrats. It’s pretty simple, really.
The October 14th debate, if it does come off, will be late enough that most voters will have already made up their minds. The debate will likely only change minds (and very few at that) if Walker screws the pooch and demonstrates himself to be a blithering idiot, which is a distinct possibility.
Because he is.
Unless the moderator tosses Walker a bunch of softball questions, I suspect Sen. Warnock will expose him for the dullard he is. Of course, Herschel Walker has no business being allowed anywhere near the Senate…unless he’s part of a tour group. But as an elected member of the Peach State’s delegation? Georgia deserves far better than someone as dishonest, ignorant, and barely literate as Herschel Walker.
