Honey, Laura Ingraham and Tulsi Gabbard are on; grab the hand cream and Kleenex, willya??

Sometimes, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Smirking Suppository and Fascist Wannabe say what???

The sad thing is that so many people, in the belief that the universe is organized to suit and influence them, are willing to sacrifice even the slight cranial capacity with which evolution has equipped us.

• Christopher Hitchens

How many consuming fires can there be in the words: freedom, peace and democracy and how easy they can be extinguished by ignorance, stupidity and arrogance?

• Sorin Cerin, Wisdom Collection: The Book of Wisdom

There are people whose opinions I value less than Laura Ingraham and Tulsi Gabbard. And yet, there they were, sharing the same screen on Fox News as if their radiant stupidity was somehow multiplied exponentially by their sultry, smokin’ hot arrogance.

It was like the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of Ignorance with two Conservative never-weres who believed they had something to add to the public discourse. I suspect the idea was to get most of their 45-64-year-old White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual audience reaching for the Kleenex and the hand cream as two of Fox News’ sexpots spoke of Dear Leader in soft, sultry tones.

I’m surprised they didn’t have Ingraham and Gabbard in sheer bikinis and wrapped suggestively around stripper poles as they breathless teased their cleavage and delivered their trenchant, libidinous commentary.

Fox News and its associated buttsniffers spent the weekend letting their projection fantasies spiral out of control. What else can you do when the other side is correctly pointing out that your fairly inevitable nominee is a white nationalist fascist who’s already tried to steal every election he’s competed in, and who incited a terrorist attack against the nation when he lost the second one?

On the Laura Ingraham show Friday night, she and fellow democracy champion Tulsi Gabbard said all the talk about Donald Trump being a fascist is a sinister attempt to get a lone wolf to assassinate Donald Trump. The chyron said it’s the Left’s “blueprint” for 2024, to state out loud who Donald Trump is.

And as America’s middle-aged White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual males became ever more excited:

God, I love it when you talk dirty to me….

And then, just in time for the climax….

It was a climactic explosion of stupidity, followed by a metaphorical cigarette and a satisfied sigh.

While these two intellectual giants are busy fearing for America’s future because the Left wants to use Donald Trump’s noggin for target practice, Fox News’ 45-64 male demographic is furiously trying to get themselves off before their wives escape the kitchen to tell them dinner’s ready.

HONEY, WHY IS THERE A CONTAINER OF LUBRIDERM AND A BOX OF KLEENEX IN THE LIVING ROOM?

AND WHY ARE YOUR HANDS SO SOFT??

“I like the phrase, the destroyers of democracy….” That sounds like the opening band from a Suburbs concert I attended in Minneapolis in the early ‘80s.

“PLEASE WELCOME, FROM EAST CORNHOLE, NEW BRUNSWICK…THE DESTROYERS OF DEMOCRACY!!!”

Yeah, their first and only tour didn’t last long. Their lead singer died of an Old Milwaukee overdose. The drummer fled to Mexico after he was caught in flagrante delicto with Girl Scout Troop #43 from East Lansing, MI. The keyboardist was a Russian spy with a taste for young boys. And the lead guitarist joined the Heaven’s Gate cult…and I think we all know how that turned out.

So much for the Destroyers of Democracy. Not exactly Judas Priest, were they??

Seriously, though, no one is inviting anyone to take a shot at Donald Trump. Not that I or anyone else would lose any sleep if that happened, but no decent person would wish that on anyone. The last thing we want is for MAGA Nation to have a martyr of their very own.

That said, it would save taxpayers a shit-ton of money that might otherwise be spent incarcerating him, no? So it’s not the worst thing in the world.

Just saying….

So when Tulsi Gabbard says that the possibility of Trump being assassinated should alarm every American, it’s easy to say…fuck you. Where, Ms. Gabbard, is your concern when he threatens violence against good and decent Americans who only “crimes” are wanting to keep his ass out of the White House?

Methinks mayhaps thou dost protesteth overmuch, no?

Oh…and lose the hypocrisy while you’re at it.

This is what almost made me spew my copy over my laptop’s keyboard:

INGRAHAM: I mean, unlike the Left, we don't believe in censoring people's speech, but by doing what they're doing and saying what they're saying, they can talk about dog whistles, that's a dog whistle to violence. If Hitler is in waiting, then you've got to stop Hitler.

Yes, pure as the driven snow we are. It’s why we wear white after Labor Day, so that all the filthy dogs on the Left may know the purity of our hearts and minds.

[insert sound of gag reflex being triggered here]

Yes, Republicans are furious that we on the Left aren’t stupidly tiptoeing into their cleverly laid trap as they expected we would.

Say what?

It appears Republicans aren’t happy that Democrats, liberals and other people who love America are sounding alarms right now about how we’re sleepwalking into fascism. One of the most widely read — the one Ingraham and Gabbard were all wee-wee-d up over — is from Robert Kagan in the Washington Post last Thursday (gift link), which argues that a “Trump dictatorship is increasingly inevitable.” That’s the headline, and you should read the entire thing, with your inhaler close by.

Here is just a tiny taste:

It is worth getting inside Trump’s head a bit and imagining his mood following an election victory. He will have spent the previous year, and more, fighting to stay out of jail, plagued by myriad persecutors and helpless to do what he likes to do best: exact revenge. Think of the fury that will have built up inside him, a fury that, from his point of view, he has worked hard to contain. As he once put it, “I think I’ve been toned down, if you want to know the truth. I could really tone it up.” Indeed he could — and will. We caught a glimpse of his deep thirst for vengeance in his Veterans Day promise to “root out the Communists, Marxists, Fascists, and Radical Left Thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our Country, lie, steal, and cheat on Elections, and will do anything possible, whether legally or illegally, to destroy America, and the American Dream.” Note the equation of himself with “America and the American Dream.” It is he they are trying to destroy, he believes, and as president, he will return the favor.

Yes, imagine Donald Trump on 1.20.25, all oathed up and sitting in the Oval Office- angry, hopped up on Adderall, and looking for revenge. Don’t you think he isn’t going to be looking to kick ass and take names the moment he finishes the Oath of Office?

Yeah, he’s going to be looking to “root out the Communists, Marxists, Fascists, and Radical Left Thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our Country, lie, steal, and cheat on Elections, and will do anything possible, whether legally or illegally, to destroy America, and the American Dream.” And that means people like you and me, people who want only for America to be what it has been, not a fascist playground for an unbalanced sociopath hip-deep in dementia symptoms and jonesing for revenge against his perceived enemies.

Yeah, a good time will NOT be had by all, y’all. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

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