How To Know You Have Too Damned Much Money This Christmas Season
If you're buying gifts from the 2021 Neiman Marcus Christmas Book, here's your sign
Instead of a lump of coal, how would you like to find a 30.86-carat diamond in your stocking? The $6.1 million heart-shaped gem is the most expensive gift in the year's edition of the annual Neiman Marcus Christmas Book.
The Dallas-based department store unveiled its holiday catalog, which features the Mughal Heart Diamond and six other fantasy gifts. Designing the nearly 100-page book takes months of planning.
“It takes over 2,000 hours of effort and big teams across the organization contributing,” explained Daz McColl, chief marketing officer at Neiman Marcus.
Like other years, the gifts aren’t limited to physical items. The second priciest on the list is a $395,000 private party for 20 on the stage of the legendary Apollo Theater, complete with a Roaring Twenties theme. Two of the fantasy items have an eco-friendly twist: a $345,000 sustainability-focused shopping experience, along with a $285,000 customized fully-electric Hummer truck and auto auction package.
Are you drawing a blank for what to get that special someone this Christmas? Unsure how you’ll find that gift that lets them know all over again just how much you love them and would go to the ends of the Earth for them? Do you have more money than sense and more disposable income than some Third World economies?
Fear not, fair prince (or princess); no one’s going to ask you to solve world hunger….
No, silly wabbit; I’m talking about the 2021 Neiman Marcus Christmas Book, the catalog of all things excessively excessive. It’s like a friend used to say about cocaine- “It’s God’s way of telling you that you have too damned much money.” And if you’re seriously perusing the Christmas Book in search of a gift, you might have too damned much money yourself.
Then again, there are worse problems to have, no??
Or you could sit in front of a fire pit and use $10,000 bills for kindling.
Seriously, who in their right mind is going to run to Starbucks with $6.1 million on their ring finger? The insurance alone would be prohibitive, as would the potential limitations on where and when the diamond could be worn. Just imagine the panic that would be triggered if the ring was misplaced while washing your hands in a public restroom.
If that prospect leaves you cold, there’s always this beauty:
Yes, the Barrett-Jackson Hummer EV Edition 1, “the world’s first fully electric super truck.” At $285k, you can park this bad boy in your driveway and consider it an upraised middle finger to your neighbors. Or perhaps just a way to confirm that you DO have too damned much money.
Not that I wouldn’t mind having one of these in my driveway, of course, but it might be a bit too ostentatious for our middle-class neighborhood, where my neighbor’s Tesla sticks out like a sore thumb.
If it’s true that a fool and his money are soon parted, then the 2021 Neiman Marcus Christmas Book is a fabulous tool for those hoping to separate fools from their disposable income.
The least expensive fantasy gift is a family trip to London, and the chance for your child to have a personalized book written about them. It’s McColl’s favorite gift.
“The idea of a family being able to have that experience and create that book together is a really good symbol of the love and relationships we have at Neiman Marcus, and how we think about our customers,” he said, explaining that some of the price benefits the Boys and Girls Club.
Curating the luxury wish list takes a team effort.
Call me silly, but if I had a child (I don’t) and wanted them to grow up with a sense of perspective and a well-adjusted head on their shoulders, I’m not sure I’d be spending $35,000 to have a book written about them. Of course, that might be “a really good symbol of the love and relationships” at Neiman Marcus, but those of us who live in the real world might want to put that money in a college fund.
I know; that’s horribly practical and considerate of a child’s future, but I’m not sure what sort of lesson conspicuous consumption teaches a child. That’s probably a very proletarian view of child-rearing, but if you’re driving a Mercedes S-class when you’re 16, what are you going to drive when you’re 30?
Of course, these might sound like the ramblings of someone who, in his wildest dreams, couldn’t afford to drop $285k on a fully-electric Hummer EV, and you wouldn’t be wrong. But, in my case, I’ve chosen to look at material goods a wee bit differently. Like the old Sheryl Crow song, it’s not about having what you want; it’s about wanting what you have- and I have more than I have any right to have expected.
I’ll never go skiing in Jackson Hole with Lindsey Vonn (that’s OK; I don’t ski). I’ll never spend $35,000 to have a book written about a child (that I don’t have). I can almost guaran-damn-tee that I’ll never drop $285k on a fully-electric Hummer or $6.1 million on a diamond ring. But then again, I don’t need to. I’m OK with being “poor” by comparison (and I’m certainly NOT poor).
On this Black Friday, I’m probably not going to buy anything for anyone, myself included. There’s no need to; I have everything I need within the four walls of my house.
‘Course, if your life isn’t complete without a $6.1 million diamond ring or a $285k Hummer, then, by all means, pump that money into the economy. Someone’s got to prop up Neiman Marcus’ stock price, eh?
If you need me, I’ll be sitting next to the fire pit in my back yard burning $20 bills- but only because I couldn’t find a $10,000 bill to save my life.
Merry Christmas and Happy Conspicuous Consumption!!!