I Did Nazi That Coming (This Week In Stupid)

Sir, is this train headed to Homosexuality? They told me it was going from Hell to Homosexuality, and I don't want to miss my stop.

No one would ever accuse Toilet Paper USA founder Charlie Kirk of being the most reasonable or rational commentator on current events. Still, when he declared recently that the “T” in “LGBT” stands for “tyranny” and not “transgender,” he merely confirmed what most observers already knew.

That’s he’s an idiot and a troll who’s been off his Thorazine for far too long?

Eh, quite possibly, but that would be far too simplistic. No, Kirk has a reputation for spreading false historical analysis combined with crackpot theology and “WTF?” Conservatism. And for some reason, he’s way too fixated on transgender identity, as if less than .5% of the population somehow threatens America’s frayed moral fiber.

Perhaps if he spent a bit more time trying to get his own house in order….

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This is a train that is headed to Hell, and the last stop on that train is homosexuality.

• Andrew Wommack

I love riding trains, but I’m unfamiliar with the one Andrew Wommack is conducting.

I’m not going to go too deep into the woods on this one, but the part I did love was when he went off on a ranting claiming, “homosexuality will kill you, transgenderism will kill you, liberalism will kill you.” And not a word about stupidity, Conservatism, or hypocritical Christianity. Go figure….

I wasn’t aware that being a Liberal was intimately connected with homosexuality and “transgenderism,” which seems to be the new American Taliban buzzword of the moment. “Transgenderism” carries the awful weight of an oppressive, potentially deadly belief system.

Silly me, but isn’t being transgender about deciding how one wants to live their life…and not an ideology?

Or is it just that folks like Wommack spend too much time thinking about what gays and transgender people do with their free time? Perhaps it’s time they considered what that says about themselves.

Perhaps their focus is on what a small minority of Americans (who mostly want to be left alone) are doing when it should be on what they’re afraid of. What is it about their own sexuality that they’re unwilling to address? What can’t they admit to themselves?

Perhaps they just need a couple of cans of Conservative Dad’s Ultra Right Beer 100% Woke-Free American Beer.

Then again, not everything’s what it seems.

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You're not alone if you’ve never heard of the Talus Dome in Edmonton, Alberta. It’s in Canada, after all, which for those of you who may have failed geography, is our neighbor north of the 49th parallel.

That’s C-A-N-A-D-A.

The Talus Dome is a piece of artwork (which you may or may not choose to interpret loosely) outside Edmonton that was installed in 2011. Its value as a piece of art has divided Edmontonians for years, but until this past week, no one had been misguided (or stupid) enough to climb inside the structure.

This week’s “Why-Yes-I-Am-A-Dumbass-Thanks-For-Asking” segment is dedicated to the brainiac who thought it would be a GREAT idea to climb to the top of the pile of steel balls and see what was inside.

It turns out what was inside was no way out.

A man who became trapped inside a notable piece of Edmonton public art made of large silver spheres was arrested soon after firefighters helped him escape the structure.

Edmonton firefighters were called to the Talus Dome sculpture around 8:30 p.m. Sunday after someone walking by noticed a strange sight. 

A man was inside the mound of polished stainless steel balls with no way out….

Connor Schwindt said he was on a post-Easter dinner run past the sculpture perched on the edge of Fox Drive and the Quesnell Bridge, when he noticed a commotion.

Firefighters were attempting to extricate the man. Schwindt said he asked firefighters if it was a man or animal trapped inside….

He said the man inside the structure was beginning to panic.

"It was kind of like watching a mouse fall into a bucket," said Schwindt. 

"He was just kind of running around inside of it starting to freak out because he couldn't get out." 

Police said the man climbed to the top of the dome and, once inside, discovered there was no way out of his predicament.

Extricating our intrepid explorer was no mean feat.

[F]irefighters had to cut into the structure and remove one of the balls, said Sarah Jackson, a spokesperson for Edmonton Fire Rescue Services.

Three crews, including a technical rescue team, were involved in the call, she said.

Once he was free of the structure, he was arrested and charged with one count of being an incorrigible dumbass mischief over $5,000 and then released.

There was no word on what the punishment for being an incorrigible dumbass over $5000 might be.

[Hans] Klaver said he's admired the shiny chrome exhibit for years and always wondered what it would look like from inside but has never been "curious or stupid enough" to give it a try.

He said he met the man's girlfriend who advised Klaver that she never thought scaling the sculpture was a good idea. 

"Maybe they should have left him there overnight, you know, throw him a sandwich or something," Klaver said with a laugh.

The moral of this story? Well, that should be easy. Never…no, always leave big balls alone. Nothing good will come of messing with big balls.

You can thank me later.

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Remember Mike Lindell, the “My Pillow” Guy who nearly ran his Minnesota-based business into the ground trying to prove that Joe Biden cheated and stole the 2020 election from The Former Guy? Yeah, he’s hit a rough patch lately…and just got burned by his hubris and karma.

Both of which can be a bitch if you’re not careful. And, as you might suspect, Lindell wasn’t.

Mike Lindell, who is both the president and also a client of pillows, was just telling us the other day that the real apocalypse will come when the AI gets inside your Roomba, shouts "I have a robotic boner for Benghazi!" and then rolls its own robot ass out the door to go vote for Hillary Clinton on your behalf. At least that is what we think he was saying, he is a very addled man, it is hard to tell.

But we think the real apocalypse will happen when Mike Lindell's firm, Lindell Management, has to pay out $5 million US American PillowBucks to a guy he challenged to prove his election fraud claims wrong in exchange for $5 million. The guy did it. Now a judge says Lindell has to give him $5 million.

APOCALYPSE!

What happened here is pretty simple to explain, and we just explained it in the last paragraph. But more specifically, Mikhail Pillow, CEO and founder of Lindell's Swindles (we may have gotten that entire name and company wrong) came up with a thing in August 2021 at his hilarious janky Cyber Symposium, wherein if somebody was able to Prove Mike Wrong — he said he had data PROVING China had interfered in the 2020 election — specifically they had to prove the info Mike gave had nothing to do with the 2020 election, can anybody PROVE he is wrong? Then oh, please have these here five million dollars.

Well, guess what? Someone proved Lindell wrong…and he refused to pay up.

Quelle surprise….

So Robert Zeidman, a 63-year-old nerd computer forensics expert from Nevada (and- surprise!- a Trump voter), examined Lindell’s data. Zeidman discovered that not only did it not prove voter fraud, but IT ALSO HAD NO CONNECTION TO THE 2020 ELECTION.

As Zeidman’s lawyers wrote to the arbitration panel examining his claim against Lindell, the data Lindell presented at the August 2021 symposium contained “no recognizable data in any known data format.”

Whatever Lindell had, it literally wasn’t data. For all anyone knew, it was a recipe for chocolate chip cookies from Lindell’s great-grandmother.

In their 23-page decision, the arbitrators said Zeidman proved that Lindell’s material “unequivocally did not reflect November 2020 election data.” They directed Lindell’s firm to pay Zeidman within 30 days….

Zeidman’s attorney, Brian Glasser, said the panel’s decision stands as a warning to others who have made wild allegations about election fraud. “I think the arbitrators thought it important that these claims be vetted, because they’ve done great harm to our country,” he said….

Lindell said in a text to The Post: “They made a terribly wrong decision! This will be going to court!”

A copy of contest rules submitted in the arbitration said disputes would be “resolved exclusively by final and binding arbitration” and noted that arbitration “is subject to very limited review by courts.”

This just in:

Mike Lindell is an idiot and a poster boy for the Dunning-Kruger Effect. Frankly, it’s a wonder he has ANY money left at this point. Because he’s also the poster boy for the adage: “A DUMBASS AND HIS MONEY ARE SOON PARTED.”

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“This Week In Stupid” seems like such an odd thing to arrive at. I mean, you’ve got Republicans, the American Taliban, and just getting through those two groups is EXHAUSTING. Once you wade through that waist-high pile of human flotsam, then you’ve got the regular, garden-variety stoopid, which can also be highly entertaining.

So this may, or may not, be a regular thing. Or it may be semi-regular. Or I may grow tired of it and move on to even dumber greener pastures. No promises and therefore no disappointments.

I do know I’ll never lack material. The chore lies in sifting the wheat from the chaff, and we have high (or low, depending on your perspective) standards here.

So tune in next week, when there may (or may not) be another edition of “This Week in Stupid.” I may keep doing this until I have reason to include myself.