"I HAVE A PENIS FOR A REASON, DAMNIT!"
Why else would God have chosen Josh Hawley to rule the world??
Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) on Sunday night told fellow conservatives they must stop liberals from attacking masculinity and creating a nation of “idle men” who watch pornography and play video games instead of working and raising families.
Hawley delivered the speech on the “future of the American man” at the National Conservatism Conference in Orlando, calling for a return to traditional gender roles. He said liberals’ “attempt to give us a world beyond men” was part of their larger effort to “deconstruct America,” an endeavor that, according to the senator, includes critical race theory, economic socialism and doing away with the concept of gender altogether.
“The Left want to define traditional masculinity as toxic. They want to define the traditional masculine virtues — things like courage and independence and assertiveness — as a danger to society,” Hawley said….
“Can we be surprised that after years of being told they are the problem, that their manhood is the problem, more and more men are withdrawing into the enclave of idleness and pornography and video games?” the senator remarked.
I’ll have to admit that it took me a bit to stop laughing long enough to clean up the tea I spewed across my MacBook’s screen and keyboard. If there’s one thing I might not expect to see on an episode of The Daily Show, it’s Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) discoursing seriously on the “future of the American man.”
‘Cuz if there’s ANYONE I want lecturing me on masculinity, it’s Hawley, who’s to American manhood what Randy Rainbow is to Swedish Death Metal. Not that I’m unwilling to have a discussion with Hawley about how society and the media view and treat masculinity these days, but this isn’t about that. Not even close.
No, if Hawley’s giving a speech about anything, you can be sure that one of two things are happening:
He’s accusing “The Left” of trying to deny America everything that makes it good, righteous, and holy. Yes, “The Left” wants nothing more than to emasculate men and turn them into genderless shock troops for Nancy Pelosi’s War on Christmas.
He’s advancing his political brand because the one word anyone could use to describe Josh Hawley, it’s “ambitious.” Hawley doesn’t want to be President; he wants to be Supreme Unquestioned Ruler of the Known (and Unknown) Universe.
Hawley called for conservatives to fight the “attack on men” and push for “a revival of strong and healthy manhood in America.”
“We need men to raise up sons and daughters after them, to pass on the great truths of our culture and history, to defend liberty, to share in the work of self-government,” he said. “We need the kind of men who make republics possible. And it is not too much to say that our ability to get that kind of men will determine the success of our long experiment in liberty.”
Right, we need the sort of brave, selfless men who will wear red baseball caps, scream, “LET’S GO, BRANDON!!” and attempt to start a revolution by storming the U.S. Capitol. We need men who will refuse to get vaccinated against COVID-19 so they can die like men, not live like frightened eunuchs with microchips and fetal tissue floating through their bloodstream.
We need steadfast and resolute Penis-Americans willing to die for their right to carry any degree of firepower anywhere they choose. You never know when a Starbucks might come under enemy fire as you’re ordering your Venti No-Foam Two-Pump Vanilla Mocha Latte (with room, of course). If you can’t return fire, who’s going to protect defenseless baristas and thus your right to be fully caffeinated?
Actually, no. We need nothing of the sort. I’m sick and tired of Josh Hawley thinking he can spread his meaningless, sexist crap to an amped-up crowd looking for a reason to kill Libs. There IS no “war on men,” just as there’s no “war on Christmas” or a “war on edible pink crotchless panties.”
Just because self-righteous Far-Right Conservatives say it’s happening…well, that doesn’t mean Gov. Kristi Noem (R-SD) can fly.
All of that is just so much cheap, meaningless crap intended to rile up the easily manipulated MAGA-hatted brigades (LET’S GO, BRANDON!!!). Whipping up the faux outrage means that Hawley and his fellow travelers don’t have to talk about real issues. You know, the kinds of problems that are tough to solve and require talking and LISTENING to people from all walks of life? Nah, that’s just too damned much work for lazy Conservatives like Hawley, who’d rather toss a few rhetorical bombs and walk away from the conflagration with a smug grin on his face.
Call this a hunch, but when Hawley says he’s looking for “the kind of men who make republics possible,” I’m guessing he’s including himself in the conversation. Because the junior Senator from Missouri wants to run the show. Not only could Hawley not “make republics possible,” I’d wager he doesn’t know the business end of an M-16 from a claw hammer.
While Hawley claims there’s “an attack on manhood,” experts say they’re not challenging masculinity generally, but rather, some of its harmful downsides — stoicism, dominance, aggression — or what has been colloquially referred to as “toxic masculinity.” The American Psychological Association for the first time in 2018 issued guidelines about what it called “traditional masculinity.” Pressuring boys and men to conform to such a “traditional masculinity ideology” can lead to higher rates of suicide, violence and substance abuse, the association warned.
The group defines that ideology as “a particular constellation of standards that have held sway over large segments of the population, including: anti-femininity, achievement, eschewal of the appearance of weakness, and adventure, risk, and violence.”
Fredric Rabinowitz, a psychology professor who helped the APA develop the 2018 guidelines, said they were designed to help boys and men lead happier, healthier lives.
As a result of his epic lack of self-awareness, Josh Hawley has become the poster boy for toxic masculinity AND the Dunning-Kruger Effect. He’s Donald Trump, except that he can put his Ivy League edumication to use. But he’s still too intellectually and morally bereft to recognize just how thoroughly vacant and sociopathically dense he truly is.
The disappointing thing about Hawley is that he’s too intelligent to be so appallingly thick. He sees himself as a sort of Mussolini wannabe- a brilliant populist who can make heads roll when he needs to.
My response to Hawley shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. He thinks Liberals want to define “traditional” masculine virtues- courage, independence, assertiveness- as unfavorable. Of course, Hawley is a man of integrity, honor, and gallantry in the same way I’m Walter White.
His speech in Orlando wasn’t a defense of “masculinity” as much as it was cheap nationalist/sexist propaganda intended to rile up his Fox News-addicted base. As long as they see themselves as under attack, they’ll swallow any dezinformatziya Hawley feeds them.
Josh Hawley is no public servant. Instead, he views his position in the Senate as a stepping stone to his ultimate goal- Supreme Unquestioned Ruler of the Known (and Unknown) Universe. For years, pundits have talked about a more intelligent and ruthless version of Donald Trump. Well, I’m here to tell you that Trump 2.0 is Josh Hawley, and if he ever does see the inside of the Oval Office, America’s going to be in a world of hurt.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Of course, I’m a History and Anthropology major with a Subtack site, a bad attitude, and an inability to tolerate Right-wing fuckery. So what do I know, right??
Enjoy your weekend, Comrades, because on Monday we start all over again.
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