If Rights Are Like Pie, Can I Have Blueberry (This Week In Stupid)?

The teachings of Jesus Christ are optional for true Christians

What is it about White Conservative Christian heterosexuals that make them believe that giving the LGBTQ community equal rights means they’re getting “special rights” and that REAL Americans (them) will be getting fewer?

Rights aren’t like pie, y’all. There isn’t a finite amount to be apportioned- and giving equal rights to a historically oppressed minority doesn’t mean they’re getting “special rights.”

And, no- no one’s going to join a “minority sex class” so they can be “oppressed” and get “special rights.” Just stop being so stupid and holier-than-thou, willya?

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You know you have WAY too much time on your hands when….

Surfing a 115-foot wave seems like a great idea. But, of course, I’m not a surfer- I don’t even know how to swim- so the idea of catching a wave like this seems…well, f*****g nuts at the very least. And yet, there are adrenaline junkies who live for things like this because it’s what they do.

Still, watch the video. And then consider your odds of survival if you wipe out and all that water comes crashing down on top of you. I’d submit that it’s not good. But then that’s part of the thrill, eh? At least until the rush catches up with you and the Coast Guard finds your battered body three weeks later, 40 miles down the coast.

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Can we? Please? I try to give Republicans the benefit of the doubt (which, BTW, is more challenging than you think), but some should be subjected to mandatory scab checks on their knuckles before being allowed on the House floor.

Why did these folks run for Congress? Did they think they were doing so out of a legitimate desire to engage in public service? Or did they do so because they saw an opportunity to feed their massive egos? It certainly wasn’t out of any intellectual sense that they could serve the country or their constituents; none of them have a functional IQ. Instead, most- and certainly these three- are poster children for the Dunning-Kruger effect.

If these are the people planning to Make America Great Again, Wir sind SEHR gefickt, knowhutimean?

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Pornhub blocked access to users in Utah on Monday in an apparent protest of a new state law which enforces stricter age-verification measures for adult content. According to Axios, residents who visit the website now see a message from the company which says it has “made the difficult decision to completely disable access to our website in Utah.” According to Fox 13 in Salt Lake City, users began noticing a change early Monday after receiving a 403 “This state is not whitelisted” error message on the site. It was soon changed to feature a lengthy statement from Pornhub explaining: “As you may know, your elected officials in Utah are requiring us to verify your age before allowing you access to our website. While safety and compliance are at the forefront of our mission, giving your ID card every time you want to visit an adult platform is not the most effective solution for protecting our users, and in fact, will put children and your privacy at risk.” The new age verification law, Online Pornography Viewing Age Requirements, was enacted in March and is due to take effect on Wednesday. Brazzers, YouPorn and Redtube were also affected, Pornhub told Axios.

It’s not exactly a state secret that some of the biggest consumers of online pornography are those in red states…like Utah, f’rinstance. Though Mormon Church elders and state legislators make plenty of noise about morality and sexual impropriety, etc., the urge to fap is strong in Utah. It’s the more sexually repressed states where people sex find release online…because it’s safer and there’s less risk of exposure and embarrassment.

So grab your Kleenex and your laptop….

Imagine the surprise of horny Utahans when they tried to get onto Pornhub.com, only to discover that the site had blocked their entire state. Because Pornhub is the largest porn site on da Interwebz, it can afford to throw its weight around when needed.

Of course, any tech-savvy Utahan will hop onto their VPN and route their connection through the Faroe Islands to get their porn fix. Even so, Pornhub can make a statement about the hypocrisy of Utah’s legislators. Many of the holier-than-thou Republican Mormons probably went home to dial up some porn after passing their pro-morality legislation.

Do as I say, not as I do.

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Just Christians being Christians, right?? If you’ve ever been on Gab.com (which I wouldn’t recommend), you understand it’s a vile cesspool of racism and anti-semitism. And yet Andrew Torba, the CEO of Gab, presents himself as a holier-than-thou Christian committed to free speech.

Yeah, if Torba’s a Christian, I’m the Queen of Denmark.

Andrew Torba’s the sort of religious fanatic who would’ve been a Commander in Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. And he would’ve been ruthless in his devotion to his belief that he was doing the Lord’s work.

Has the man ever heard of the Gospel of Jesus Christ? And the things He preached- love, tolerance, acceptance, and understanding? If he has, he’s chosen to ignore them…or he’s decided they apply only to White Conservative Christian heterosexual patriots.

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Is there anything that this world needs less of than Tucker Carlson and Piers Morgan discussing their respective sexual techniques? Just thinking about that makes me want to gag, but we were almost “treated” to precisely that discussion.

Oh, the humanity….

In another round of leaked footage obtained by liberal media watchdog Media Matters, fired Fox News star Tucker Carlson told then-colleague Piers Morgan that he’d love to share his sex “technique” on-air. Ugh. While preparing for an April 2022 interview with Morgan, Carlson heaped praise upon the ex-CNN host before going on a bizarro tangent. “If we’re going to talk about sex, I’d love to hit some of the fine points of technique, but, you know, but it’s your show. It’s totally up to you,” Carlson quipped, prompting Morgan to laugh. “We can certainly talk about your sexual technique, especially after your tanning testicles last week,” the British gossip host replied.

So, Piers…do you ask her for anal or throw her on her stomach and go for it? And does “no” mean “no,” or is it just the gateway to “yes,” and she’s just playing with you? I mean, women are such fickle creatures, knowhutimean??

And is it poor form to ask for a blowjob before dessert, or should you wait until the port arrives?

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So…the first casualties of war are always…the pigeons?

Police in Moscow were sent on a frantic chase this week for a Ukrainian pigeon supposedly hellbent on dropping explosives on the city. Russian media reported that an entire squad of police officers responded on Monday after an “alarmed” man phoned to report a “Ukrainian saboteur pigeon.” The man, who said he’d seen the enemy bird “with his own eyes,” claimed it was “painted in the colors of the Ukrainian flag” and clutching a mine in its claws. Police searched the entire area but found no evidence of any mines, and only “ordinary” pigeons milling about.

I find a certain amount of schadenfreude in the fact that Russians are chasing about after “Ukrainian pigeons.” While their armed forces have been firing missiles indiscriminately at civilian targets inside Ukraine, Russian civilians have been largely unaffected by the war.

If Russian cities and civilians had to fear even a tiny portion of what Ukrainians have faced, it might change the course of the war. Unfortunately, for Russians, the war in Ukraine is an abstract concept that most view as a righteous fight- because state media have propagandized them into believing that.

Maybe a few more “Ukrainian pigeons” set loose in Moscow and other Russian cities might change what the war looks like for Russian civilians, who’ve not known suffering or death…yet.

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It’s May, which in Texas means it’s “WTF??” season in Austin. Yes, in the Texas legislature, Republicans are, as usual, deeply invested in determining how to f**k up democracy while keeping themselves in power.

In this case, they’ve come up with a plan under which they may be able to invalidate the election in Harris County, the state’s most populous county, home to Houston, and also a reliably blue outpost.

[T]he state Senate passed a bill that would allow Gov. Greg Abbott's handpicked secretary of state to overturn elections in Harris County, the Democratic stronghold where Houston lives, but not in any other county in the state.

The bill targeting Harris County was a big priority for Texas Republicans, who insist that they were robbed of their rightful victories in Harris County when about 20 of the county's 728 polling places ran out of paper for ballots. A Houston Chronicle analysis showed that was no evidence of systematic voter disenfranchisement, and more importantly, no evidence that the polling place glitches would have changed the outcome of the election.

But it made Republicans mighty mad, and they're sure they wuz robbed, so they introduced SB 1993, which would authorize the secretary of state to order that elections get a do-over in "a county with a population of 2.7 million or more," of which Texas has exactly one: Harris County, which in recent years has trended increasingly Democratic, which oughta be illegal. The population threshold is just a skosh over Dallas County's 2.58 million, how about that? But Dallas delivers for the GOP, so it's not a problem.

Republicans understand that they’re likely to remain the minority party into the foreseeable future. That happens when you have no workable ideas to present to the country. So they’re heavily invested in creating new and ever more creative ways to exercise majority rule as the minority party.

Sure, there’s gerrymandering, which works well…to a point. But it can’t be the only tool in the GOP toolbox, and so the bill passed by the Texas Senate is brilliant in its cynicism. It gives Republicans the opportunity to demand a “mulligan” in Harris County so they can jigger things to their advantage in a re-done election.

Will the bill pass and make it to Gov. Greg Abbott’s desk for him to sign? Is Pee Wee Herman known for publicly spanking his monkey? Of course, it will.

And then we’ll see what happens when Democrats fire up their lawyers to get one of the most anti-democratic bills in American history overturned. Because, as we all know, Republicans don’t give a damn about democracy anymore.

Gentlemen, start your lawyers!!