Is It Any Wonder That I'm Good Without God?

No one- not even the Pope- tells me how to properly lead my life

Pope Francis lamented Wednesday that many couples are choosing to have pets over children, saying that a trend of forgoing child-rearing “takes some of our humanity away.”

The pontiff started his weekly address at the Vatican by praising the paternal virtues of the biblical Joseph. But his reflection on the importance of parenthood shifted to a warning about dwindling birthrates, encouraging people to “take the risk of welcoming children,” biological or adopted.

“Today … we see a form of selfishness,” the pope said, according to translations in multiple reports. “We see that some people do not want to have a child.”

Or, he said, they may have one or two kids — “but they have dogs and cats that take the place of children.”

I’ll admit to being a wee bit different from most folks in many respects, but one of the most obvious differences is my decision to forego having children. I’ve never wanted children and I don’t regret that decision. NO ONE- not even the freakin’ Pope- has the right to judge me and find me wanting for that.

Wait a minute…isn’t the Pope also childless?? Et tu, Brute??

There are few things more personal and consequential than the desire to have and raise children. Most people grow up knowing they’re going to have a family someday and they eagerly look forward to that. I was never among them. There has never been a time in my life when I’ve been enthusiastic about the idea of starting a family. Part of it was my childhood, but most of my decision was simply my preference to live my live for myself.

I’ve always believed that if you’re not 110% committed to having and raising children, then you have no business doing it. I was never even close to being that committed, and thankfully I possessed the self-awareness to recognize that. So many people have children because…well, because that’s what they’re supposed to do, right? They succumb to pressure from family, peers, or their spouse without really taking the time to understand what THEY want or what’s the best choice for them.

Every child should be wanted. I never felt as if I would be in a place where I wanted a child in my life. It’s not and never has been about taking “the risk of welcoming children.” It has always been about my being emotionally ready and equipped to make the necessary sacrifices to be present in the life of a child.

The pope, who has called for the adoption process to become easier, said people who do not have children “are lacking something, something fundamental, something important.” And he cautioned that countries may soon be forced to grapple with the consequences of lower birthrates — such as lower tax revenue and shrinking economies.

Am I “lacking something, something fundamental, something important” in my life? Perhaps to some that might seem true, but I’ve never felt that way. I’ve never felt a responsibility to contribute to the collective birth rate, and I sincerely doubt humanity will be poorer for being without my progeny.

I will readily own up to being selfish- and in this context, I believe having the self-awareness to understand that is a good thing. There are things I’ve wanted out of life- and none of them involved raising a family. If that makes me “selfish” or “self-centered,” then, yes, I’m guilty as charged. I’ll own that and be OK with it, because I don’t see that as a negative thing. I’m simply being honest about what I want from my life.

My decision to be childless is not negative. It’s not, as the Pope states, “a form of selfishness.” I reject that negative connotation of selfishness. Having a family is not a requirement. Nowhere is it written that an adult is required to propagate. Not spreading my seed is, I believe, the responsible thing to do.

I will also freely admit to having “dogs and cats that take the place of children” - and there’s nothing wrong with that. My life has never been about raising children, and the fact is that along with my wife, my dog and my two cats ARE my family. That’s as much long-term commitment as I care to have in my life, because there are things I want out of life that don’t involve children. If that makes me “selfish,” then I’ll proudly wear that label.

I admire people who’ve decided to have and raise a family because that’s a level of commitment and maturity I’ve never felt moved to incorporate into my life.

I’ve been fortunate to be able to do things with my life that I never would’ve been able to do had there been a family for me to consider. Those things have always been more important to me than children. I have nieces and nephews whom I adore, so it’s not as if there aren’t children in my life. I’ve just wanted them to go home to someone else.

Having children is a very personal decision. Raising them is a two-decade (or more) commitment, something not to be entered into lightly. In a different time and place, it’s possible I might have felt differently. The truth is that while I have nothing against children, I’ve never wanted any of my own. There’s certainly nothing wrong with doing what I think is best for myself, but if that makes me “selfish,” I can live with that label.

Would that more people could be honest enough with themselves to make such a decision without feeling guilty. There would be more wanted children and more committed parents.

Perhaps instead of worrying about “selfish” people like me who’ve chosen to make a family of their pets, Pope Francis could do more good by working to help the neglected and abused children in this world. Once again, when presented with an opportunity to make a real difference, the Catholic Church whiffs and focuses on an unimportant side issue.

And people wonder why I’m good without God….

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