It's never too late to be who you are

Whether at 21 or 61, being your authentic self is a wonderful place to be

Difference in opinions has cost many millions of lives: for instance, whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh; whether the juice of a certain berry be blood or wine.

• Jonathan Swift, Gulliver’s Travels

I’ve never met Charlie. We could walk past each other on the street and not know it. Yet today, I’m just a little bit happier knowing that Charlie, wherever he may be, has found it within himself to screw up the courage to take that big step. So it took him 61 years to come out as gay; so what? The smile on his face is the relief of someone who’s had the burden of six troublesome decades lifted from his slumped shoulders.

Such a step shouldn’t be so difficult. It shouldn’t be so emotionally volatile and challenging to step off into that great unknown, yet…. I’ve never had to face a moment like that, so I can’t begin to understand what Charlie had to endure to get there and then cross that line. Nor do I know what may have held him back for 61 years, but the good news is that he got there. Hopefully, the sailing will be smooth from here.

Even though we now live in a society far more willing to accept those who embrace alternative sexualities, it’s still not an easy journey. I can look back to my college years when a friend on my dorm floor was beaten up for being gay. That’s a comparatively rare occurrence today, but that’s not to say that being anything but cisgender and/or heterosexual is easy. Coming out as “different” from the “norm” can be and very often is difficult and stressful.

I suppose that’s easy for me to say; I honestly have no idea. I’m White, cisgender, and heterosexual…so what do I know? I’ve never had to deal with rejection from parents, friends, or coworkers because of who or how I love. I’ve never had to hide who I am to be accepted or because I feared losing a job I loved because I’m not who people think I am.

I don’t know Charlie’s story, and I’m working off one post on Threads I stumbled across. I don’t know the struggles, the rejections, and the pain he’s dealt with over his 61 years. Still, he’s only a couple of years younger than me, and I know from watching people in my life how difficult it’s been for those who identify as LGBTQ. I’ve listened to the stories people have told me- of how their families have rejected them, of the jobs they’ve lost, of the times they’ve been attacked and beaten, all because of who they are.

What those who hate and fear the LGBTQ community either don’t or refuse to understand is that one’s sexuality or gender identity is a small part of the totality of who they are. People don’t look at me and immediately think, “Oh, he’s straight.” That’s the assumption, the baseline from which almost all humans proceed. So why do we look at members of the LGBTQ community and begin with their sexuality or gender identity as their primary identity?

Look at the picture of Charlie. Absent the text surrounding it, would your first thought be, “Oh, he’s gay?” I don’t think it would be presumptuous to say probably not. He looks like a “normal” (insofar as that’s possible) 61-year-old man…and perhaps that’s the point of all of this. Being LGBTQ should be normal. There’s no need for it to be anything but ordinary.

One’s sexuality and/or gender identity is only as abnormal or threatening as someone chooses to make it. From where I sit, who or how someone loves and/or their gender identity is their business and has no material impact on the quality of my life. I may not understand it, but then I don’t have to. My responsibility is to accept the person for who they are. Period.

Are they a good person? Do they treat me with respect? Do they make me laugh? I care about those things; everything else is unimportant and doesn’t impact me.

I read and/or listen to a lot of Far-Right voices who virulently oppose everything about the LGBTQ community. They’re convinced that gays are “grooming” and “recruiting” kids to their “lifestyle.” They believe that drag queens are pedophiles (the truth is that most pedophiles are White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexuals, many in Christian churches).

The reality is that these folks are scared and uninformed. They allow their fear and ignorance to dictate their reactions and opinions, but in truth, they know not of which they speak.

Most in the LGBTQ community are barely a threat to themselves, much less anyone in the heterosexual community. They don’t “groom” or “recruit” children, and they’re not pedophiles. Then again, it’s easier to blame gays for pedophilia than to face the fact that the problem exists almost exclusively within the heterosexual community- THEIR community.

When you get past all of the Sturm und Drang, this is about people like Charlie wanting to be their authentic selves. It’s about them deciding they’re tired of playing a role that’s never reflected who they’ve always believed themselves to be. At some point, whether at 21 or 61, people like Charlie realize that happiness isn’t possible by being someone others expect them to be. True happiness can only come through being their authentic self, the person they’ve always known themselves to be but have never felt safe letting out of the box.

I don’t know a thing about Charlie, but I love his smile and words. They speak to someone who feels like he’s in a good place. Who can’t get behind that? I hope he finds the peace and happiness he deserves. And I hope that he’ll have many years ahead of him to enjoy his newfound freedom.

I can’t relate to Charlie’s journey or the burdens he’s borne, but I’m happy that he’s arrived at a place where he feels he can finally be his authentic self. Whatever that might mean for him going forward, I wish him nothing but happiness.

Lord knows this world isn’t suffering from an oversupply of happiness these days.

(All of my posts are now public. Any reader financial support will be considered pledges- support that’s greatly appreciated but not required to get to all of my work. I’ll trust my readers to determine if my work is worthy of their financial support and at what level. To those who do offer their support, thank you. It means more than you know.)