It's time to obsess over something really important...like the color of Santa's skin
The Wingnut Grievance Bubble also wants us to believe that Jesus was a White Conservative Cisgender Heterosexual
The sad thing is that so many people, in the belief that the universe is organized to suit and influence them, are willing to sacrifice even the slight cranial capacity with which evolution has equipped us.
Christopher Hitchens
He inclined his head ever so slightly, displaying with his bearing the supreme confidence, even arrogance, that is the sole providence of cats, dragons, and certain highborn women.
Christopher Paolini, Inheritance
This has to be one of the silliest debates known to Mankind- What color is Santa’s skin? And how can he not be White? Everyone KNOWS he’s White…’cuz Megyn Kelly tells us so.
Right. Good night, game over, drive home safely. Glad we settled that one, eh??
Fox News has never been known for honest and open intellectual debate, but the question of the color of Santa’s skin seems particularly silly, no? What difference does it make? Well, if you’re a good, patriotic, God-fearing White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual, it apparently makes a great deal of difference.
It was back in the Dark Ages- 2013- when Kelly went off the deep end with this:
Megyn Kelly declared on her Fox News show that both Santa Claus and Jesus were white. Discussing a piece in Slate by Aisha Harris about a black versus white Santa, Kelly that "just because it makes you feel uncomfortable it doesn't mean it has to change."Â
"You know, I've given her her due. Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change," Kelly said. "Jesus was a white man, too. It's like we have, he's a historical figure that's a verifiable fact, as is Santa, I just want kids to know that. How do you revise it in the middle of the legacy in the story and change Santa from white to black?"
Santa Claus can be traced to a real life monk named St. Nicholas who lived in what is today Turkey, according to the History Channel. Jesus Christ was born to a Jewish family around what is now Israel, and his race has long been debated with several scholars saying he likely looked like what many modern day people of Middle Eastern descent look like.
The unusual segment, where the panelists also debated whether Santa Claus should be a penguin as Harris writes in her piece, seemed to be directly contradicting what Kelly said on Monday when she appeared on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno."
"I'm a straight news anchor, I'm not one of the opinion hosts," she told Leno. "The way we do it on the Fox News Channel is the straight news anchors like us give a hard time to both sides."
It seems as though there may be other things to debate that are "straight news" beyond whether Santa and Jesus where white.
Debating the skin color of a mythical creature (Santa Claus) who drives a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer isn’t at all odd. It sounds like the ramblings of someone coming down off of a bad acid trip.
Then again, the idea that Jesus is a White man isn’t at all odd, either…even though he was born in the Middle East. WTF??
This is but one depiction, based on the work and research of Dutch photographer Bas Uterwijk (Damn, but he kinda looks like Liverpool striker Mo Salah….):
I have been a professional photographer for the last 14 years but I have a background in Computer Generated images and Special Effects. A little over a year ago I stumbled upon the #artificialintelligence #Artbreeder software (formerly Ganbreeder) which utilizes a neural network trained on photographs and paintings of thousands human faces. This application makes it possible to combine multiple sources of faces and merge them in a synthesized version, guided by the artistic decisions of the user. I use it to create historical and fictional characters. When I was playing around with several cultural depictions of Jesus of Nazareth of Byzantine and Renaissance origin including Leonardo da Vinci's "Salvator Mundi", and the Turin Shroud. Tweaking the ethnicity to a more convincing Middle-Eastern face. I was happy with the result as a representation of a collective cultural depiction but at the same time I felt it lacked any historical accuracy. So I changed the hair and beard to a more credible length and style for the time and region and I brought in elements found in some #Fayum mummy portraits, pushing the renaissance art to the background. The result is a artistic impression of how this man could have looked, more than it is a scientific search for an exact likeness.
So, even if Jesus Christ existed as the Son of God (he didn’t, but I’ll play along), given that he was born in the Middle, the likelihood of him being Caucasian is highly unlikely. Why Megyn Kelly and others in the Wingnut Grievance Bubble would have so much emotional capital involved in Jesus being White defies rational understanding.
Then again, Kelly might be off her Thorazine again.
It doesn’t make sense that Jesus would’ve been a White Conservative Cisgender Heterosexual, but to Kelly and the denizens of the Wingnut Grievance Bubble, it’s apparently of great importance. So, let them believe what they will. If it gives them comfort, who am I to question their delusions?
As for Santa Claus, since the provenance of his existence is even harder to come by, I’ll expend even less emotional energy on his skin tone. He can be White, Green, Chartreuse, 90-grit, plaid, or whatever y’all want him to be…it doesn’t matter. As long as you enjoy Christmas and it’s a special time for you, your friends, and loved ones, who f*****g cares what Santa Claus looks like or what his skin color might be?
Too many uptight members of the Wingnut Grievance Bubble spend far too much time and energy worrying about things that genuinely don’t matter. Santa Claus isn’t real, so why not make him whatever you want or need him to be…or not? Make him (or her) White (or Black). Make him straight (or gay). Make him right-handed (or left-). Put him in a red Speedo and handcuffs. Who cares…and why should it matter if anyone did?
It doesn’t matter. Since Santa’s a product of our collective imagination, our imaginations can make him whatever makes us the happiest…and isn’t Christmas about happiness? Instead of spending your time in the Wingnut Grievance Bubble wasting brain cells on things that genuinely don’t matter, enjoy the Christmas season for what it’s supposed to represent- peace, love, understanding, goodwill among men, and the Packers getting drubbed regularly and mercilessly.
As for the color of Jesus Christ’s skin, I can’t help you there, Cowboy. I don’t believe in Him, either, so the color of His skin doesn’t matter to me. That’s an argument for those who care about such things to sort out. I’ve got far more important things on my mind.
So…Merry Christmas to all and to all a hearty F**K YOU, JESUS WAS WHITE!!!!
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