January 6th- Just another "normal tourist day" that got a wee bit out of hand
The Worst Frat Party EVER
those goofy gaslighters are back, peddling the same old snake oil, and their message is as batshit as ever.
January 6 was a just lighthearted tourist romp. but also it was antifa. but also people were just blowing off steam. but also it was Black Lives Matter. but also anyone jailed for it is a political prisoner. but also it was the FBI dressed as Trump supporters.
I know, right? it’s complete conflicting nonsense. my dudes, you’re supposed to be lighting the gas, not inhaling it.
can you believe we’re still doing this, almost three years after the fact?
Once upon a time, a few thousand concerned members of Idealistic Dildos Everywhere for all Americans (IDEA) decided to hold their national convention on the steps of the US Capitol. And you might have heard that things got a wee bit out of hand…something about free beer on the National Mall’s reflecting pool (that’s a mistake nobody will be making again).
And you might have heard that, after a few too many Bud Lights, some in the crowd decided to visit the Capitol. Unfortunately, Congress was in session, and the Capitol Police didn’t appreciate the day-drinking crowds, all of whom wanted to pee on Nancy Pelosi’s desk for some reason.
By the time everyone was cleared out and the party was moved to a Motel Six in Crystal City, much damage had been done. It turned out to be The Worst Frat Party EVER ©.
Over the past three years, the mythology surrounding The Worst Frat Party EVER © has grown to pretty ridiculous proportions. It’s become so bad that some Republicans continue to try to portray it as “just another normal tourist day.” Right…like it’s normal for tourists from rural West Bumfuk, TN, to defecate on the floors of the Capitol, break windows, and steal letter openers from the offices of Congresscritters.
Sure, it’s not at all unusual for tourists to break into the office of the Speaker of the House, read her mail, and walk out carrying a lectern from her office.
“Oh, yeah, no worries…that shit happens ALL the time….”
a whole cottage industry has built up around the lunatics and crackpots who are all pushing various fairy tales of what “really happened” on January 6th, 2021.
these conspiratorial fever dreams have their own colorful cast of characters — shadowy Deep State figures with names like “Scaffold Commander” and “Fence Cutter Bulwark.”
there are podcasts. youtube videos. web sites. tiktoks. radio shows. but somehow the proof of this Deep State skulduggery is always just out of reach, just around the corner, but just you wait, any day now they’ll have it for sure.
this cockamamie bullshit is infecting even the upper echelons of the GOP. Marjorie Three Toes Greene holds jailhouse photo ops and yammers incoherently about “political prisoners.” Clay Higgins loves to hold hearings so he can yell about “ghost buses” full of “FBI agents dressed as Trump supporters.”
“Ghost buses?” “FBI agents dressed as Trump supporters?” WTF? Do these vapid shitferbrainz have nothing better to do than to sit around campfires, sing Kum Ba Yah, and pull conspiracy theories out of their backsides? I don’t know what these intellectual lightweights have been smoking in their off hours; I only know I want no part of it.
“Ghost buses?” Seriously? That’s comic book stuff, and we should be able to expect that Rep. Higgins is smarter than a box of dog hair. Sadly, this does not seem to be the case.
To no one’s surprise, Donald Trump
has gotten into the game, too, promising to pardon everyone in sight — and he’s even planning on citing all of these idiotic conspiracy theories as proof of his innocence in his upcoming Big Insurrection Fuckery Trial in DC next year.
anyway, January 6 is back in the news because Not Yet Fired House Speaker Holy Mike Johnson is releasing all the footage of the assault on the Capitol.
there’s just one hitch.
Yeah, and it’s a big one. It turns out that a lot of what’s on the tape is seriously incriminating, and MAGA Mike Johnson has decided that faces need to be blurred to protect the guilty…because January 6th WAS just a “normal tourist day,” after all.
“we’re going through a methodical process of releasing them as quickly as we can. as you know, we have to blur some of the faces of persons who participated in the events of that day, because we don’t want them to be retaliated against, and to be charged by the DOJ.”
not to put too fine a point on this, but what in the actual fuck?
“we don’t want them to be retaliated against, and to be charged by the DOJ”
you don’t want to … identify lawbreakers? because … why? because you want them to get away with it?
awesome fucking job you’re doing here, Mike. way to uphold your oath to protect the Constitution — and way to obstruct justice.
Yeah, but the beautiful thing about obstructing justice is that you have to prove intent, and that’s a high bar. MAGA Mike can say he was merely trying to protect the identity of people on the tapes from being identified and harassed. Which, to his twisted, holier-than-thou way of thinking, probably holds some logic.
From here, though, it looks like he’s trying to protect the guilty.
The good news is that the Department of Justice already has an unedited copy of the tapes to work from.
Karma can be a real bitch, eh? Especially when paired with the refreshing, minty taste of schadenfreude.
Is it just me, or does Donald Trump’s mouth look like an asshole when it’s blurred like that?
Eeewwww….
oh, and the icing on the cake? the nutballs in the Freedom Caucus are already pissed off at Holy Mike for blurring the faces of — get ready for it — FBI agents.
Mike, you’re never going to please these lunatics. stop trying.
So, were the insurrectionists/rioters/tourists FBI agents or not? Is it true that only their hairdressers know for sure? Because MAGA Mike sure as Hell doesn’t seem to know.
Was it an insurrection? The worst threat to our democracy in our lifetimes? Or was it just the Worst Frat Party EVER ©?
The fact that five people died on January 6th, at least for me, eliminates the idea of that day being “just another normal tourist visit”- especially since the usual tourist visits given by Congressional staffers weren’t supposed to be conducted in the days leading up to January 6th.
Yeah, can you believe that we’re still doing this shit, almost three years later…and that, after all this time, we still have people trying to evade accountability for their actions?
If you were there, you were knowingly participating in a coup attempt. You knew it, you wanted it, and you ignored the fact that you were committing a federal crime and that there were consequences that came with it. It’s time to face the music. Grow the f**k up, already.
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Who ya' gonna call?
GHOST BUSSES!!
I think we've got a hit in the making here.