Kay Ivey- Here In Alabama, We Gon' Be Batsh*t Crazy

NO WAY JOSE- 'Cuz leadership matters less than cheap pandering and meaningless gestures

Since I’m vacationing in the South, I thought it only natural to write about the South….

I get it; no one should try to understand Alabama without first taking a few hits off some fine Tuscaloosa ditchweed- ‘cuz there’s no way the Batshit Crazy State will make any sense if you’re not thoroughly altered. Of course, this is ESPECIALLY true if you’re trying to decipher Governor Kay Ivey, who really should come equipped with a translator. And tranquilizers.

Gov. Ivey comes across as your average grandmother- if Grandma had just discovered your stash of fine indica wacky tobacky and then decided to make a few political campaign ads. Her eyes become tiny slits, her cheeks flush, and her voice takes on the tone of someone who just discovered top-notch weed for the first time and is having the ride of her life.

HANG ON, KIDS!! GRANDMA’S RUNNIN’ FOR RE-ELECTION!!

I’m Kay Ivey. If Joe Biden keeps shipping illegal immigrants into our states, we all gonna have to learn Spanish.

Well, Governor, PRESIDENT Biden isn’t shipping illegal immigrants anywhere (Though Texas Gov.- and fellow Republican- Greg Abbott is sending them to Washington, DC). You’re just using the specter of dark-skinned immigrants who don’t speak English to scare your ignorant, racist base.

And, when last I checked, Alabama doesn’t share a border with Mexico, amiright??

My message to Biden: NO WAY, JOSE!!

Well, Governor, I think you’re well on your way to establishing your racist bona fides. Not that you care, I suppose, because you’ve long proven that you’ll say just about anything that you think will help to improve your political prospects. And, let’s face it- Alabama voters aren’t the most discerning, are they?

No, most Alabama voters would vote for a pulled pork sandwich and a Yoo-Hoo if they had an (R) behind them.

That’s why I sent National Guard troops to protect the southern border.

Yeah, because Alabama’s border with Mexico has been particularly porous over the years, and Gov. Ivey has been taking a LOT of heat for being irresponsible.

Uh, wait….

That’s why we banned sanctuary cities in Alabama.

Right. Because compassion and human kindness are things Alabama’s Republican voters won’t tolerate. If they’re not White, Conservative, heterosexual, Christian, and English speakers, they can go to New York or California, where bleeding-heart Liberals will welcome them with open arms.

‘Cuz here in Alabama, we shoot brown-skinned illegals on sight.

Being poor isn’t a crime in the Batshit Crazy State unless you happen to be poor AND brown-skinned.

The Left can try to counsel me; I don’t care. Here in Alabama, we gonna enforce the LAW.

As with most of Ivey’s ads, the problem is that she never addresses any of the issues that impact Alabama. Nothing about COVID, unemployment, infrastructure, education, healthcare, etc. It’s all hot-button issues guaranteed to rile up the base- abortion, illegal immigration, critical race theory, transgender sports, prayer in schools, and other problems that have no day-to-day impact on Alabama.

Someone should probably tell Gov. Ivey about the separation of Church and State. Oh, and that Liberals aren’t teaching kids “to hate America.”

It’s a load of crap, but she’s pandering to a base that’s about as politically savvy as a catfish. For Gov. Ivey, it’s all about keeping ‘em scared and stupid.

The truth is that Gov. Ivey represents a party that’s already boasted about having no legislative agenda to run on during this year’s midterm elections. Nothing about how to make America a better place. Nothing about how to improve the lives of the middle class. Nothing about foreign policy, economic policy, protecting the homeland, infrastructure, education, healthcare- you know, the things that really do make America great?

This lack of ideas is because they know that campaigning on ideas would mean making promises for which they’d be held accountable. Republicans want political power without accountability, so the less they have to promise their constituents, the better.

They’ll demonize non-Whites, non-Christians, non-heterosexuals- in short, those who aren’t like them. They’ll double down on racism, homophobia, religious hypocrisy, and any other hatred/hypocrisy that they believe will help to activate their base.

Keep ‘em scared and stupid, eh?

Of course, as a sage person once said, voters always get precisely the quality of leadership they deserve. The surprise is that the standards of Alabama voters are so abysmally low. Then again, these are the same folks that almost elected a Right-wing pedophile, Judge Roy Moore, to the US Senate. Moore was once banned from a mall for creeping on teenage girls- precisely the sort of moral clarity Alabama should expect from its elected representatives.

And Republicans think DEMOCRATS are pedophiles? Please….

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