Kristi Noem- A power-hungry, dishonest, amoral, ambitious-to-a-fault Christocrat
And those are her good qualities
You have to give South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (R) credit for nailing the fact that there are indeed two sets of rules and that the press treats Conservatives differently. But the rest of it she got backasswards. She failed to acknowledge that the media uniformly gives Conservatives a free pass for the sorts of things they’d keelhaul Liberals for.
Por ejemplo, in her new book, Gov. Noem mentions that she once met North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. When pressed on that, she admitted that she didn’t precisely meet him in the traditional sense. In other words, she lied about it. If a Democrat had done the same thing, the demands for them to resign and retreat to a monastery in the mountains of South Korea would be never-ending.
Most normal human beings would throw themselves at the mercy of public opinion and hope to be forgiven. But, as
tells us, Gov. Noem, who’s already in a rather sizable hole because of the story in her book about executing a dog, decided it would be a GREAT idea to dig herself an even bigger hole. Sure, why not compound a monstrosity with a lie?Because stupid is as stupid does, yeah?
meanwhile, houndicide advocate Kristi Noem took one look at the hole she was in — and went out and got herself a way bigger shovel.
the latest contretemps has to do with Kristi’s weird-ass claim that she stared down Kim Jong Un — which of course, she didn’t, because she never met the guy.
so why put it in your book that you did? that’s what Face the Nation host Margaret Brennan wanted to know.
Perhaps Gov. Noem desperately wants to be Lord Stumblefucks Vice-President, and she can feel that slipping from her grip. And maybe she, in her own ginormously fucked-up way, is trying to do some damage control. In truth, though, all she’s doing is enlarging the hole with each stupid, ill-advised word.
And Kristi Noem has a plethora of stupid, ill-advised words.
Margaret Brennan: “you talk about meeting some world leaders, and one specific one. quote, ‘I remember when I met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. I’m sure he underestimated em, having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants (I’d been a children’s pastor, after all).’ did you meet Kim Jong Un?”
Noem: “you know, as soon as this was brought to my attention, I certainly made some changes, and looked at this passage. I’ve met with many, many world leaders. I’ve traveled around the world.”
Brennan: “so you did not meet with Kim Jong Un?”
Noem: “I've met with many world leaders. I'm not going to talk about specifics.”these “many world leaders,” Kristi — are they in the room with us right now?
Well, no, not exactly—except in her imagination.
Being a good Republican (the Party of Personal Responsibility ©, remember?), you’d think Gov. Noem would own up to her mistakes, fall on her sword, and ask for forgiveness, no?
Oh, HELL no. Gov. Noem was immediately casting about for someone to blame. And she didn’t have to look far.
Noem laid the blame for the lie squarely on her book’s ghostwriter, claiming that they put it in there and no one told me until all you people started asking me about it. I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know.
which is a fucking crock, because here’s Kristi, on Instagram, bragging about narrating the audiobook — over a month ago.
And, because there’s No Going Back (a truly regrettable book title given the circumstances), the bits about meeting Kim Jong-un and executing her dog are still in the book.
None of this—at least to her way of thinking—is her fault. That responsibility lies at the collective feet of the Liberal media, who hold Conservatives to a far stricter standard than Liberals.
That’s complete and utter bullshit, of course, because White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual males own most major media outlets. That said, my intention is not to disabuse her of her mistaken delusions. I don’t have that kind of time.
She’s lying, of course, and at some level, she has to know she’s lying. I don’t know enough about her, nor have I seen her in action enough to know how intelligent she is, so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. This courtesy may come back to haunt me, but I generally don’t like to assume without hard evidence that people are stupid.
I think Gov. Noem is smart enough to understand what she needs to lie about to get her story across, even if it isn’t credible. She’s not an exceptionally gifted prevaricator, though.
Noem, as you’ll recall, has a book out in stores today in which she chose to share she executed her 14-month-old dog Cricket like Tommy being escorted to get "the highest honor they could give you."
After Noem tried to paint Cricket as the Jason Voorhees of dogs last week on Hannity, Brennan called Noem’s bullshit by bringing up the second victim in her gravel pit slaughter.
BRENNAN: Because you put it in a part of a chapter called "Bad Day to Be a Goat." And then after you shot the dog, you quote "realized another unpleasant job needed to be done walking back up to the yard, I spotted our billy goat." You said he smelled and would chase kids. So, you took him to the gravel pit and shot him twice. How — how do you justify that? How was the goat a threat? And I'm asking you this because it seems like you're celebrating the killing of the animals.
Maybe Noem left Paramount+ on during a streaming of "Evil" while she slept and imagined her goat was conspiring against her.
Ah, yes, the goat. It's funny how that part of the animal execution hasn’t gained any traction.
Perhaps your first mistake was assuming that Kristi Noem has a heart. And a functional moral center. What she has in abundance is a driving political ambition that appears to override everything else—her devotion to marriage vows, her family, her state, and anything else a mother, wife, and self-described devoted Christian would aspire to.
Who knows if Kristi Noem still has a shot at being Lord Stumblefuck’s VP? With the mess he’s in these days, Gov. Noem’s dishonesty and cruelty would probably make her precisely what Mango Mussolini is looking for. And it’s not like the stable is full of top-drawer candidates, though plenty of also-rans and never-weres would leap at the chance to be a heartbeat away from the dictatorship. Gov. Noem is also-ran and never-was enough to still be at the top of the list.
Then again, never being afraid to stick her foot in her mouth, there’s this beauty:
Sometimes, keeping your mouth shut is the better part of valor. Then again, if anyone in this debate has displayed a complete lack of courage, it would have to be Gov. Kristi Noem.
Ah, but there was more:
Fellow “CBS Mornings” host Gayle King tried to shift the conversation to Noem’s “mean girls” anecdote regarding former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley. Gayle read the excerpt in the book regarding how Haley offered to be a friend/mentor to Noem and her feelings of being “very much threatened.” Noem reiterated that "words matter," and described the call where she claimed Haley said she would “tell her, with long pauses, if she heard bad things about her.” Gayle King, no stranger to healthy female friendships, could still not make sense on how this was somehow a threat before Noem shifted to trashing Haley for running against Trump in the primaries.
Noem, seeking a respite from the mean ol’ journalists, decided to run to Fox Business and Fox News’s “The Brian Kilmeade Show” to be given unlimited time to be xenophobic while being thrown softball questions about the controversial anecdotes in her book.
But while we subjected ourselves to Brian Kilmeade (you owe us!) and her appearance on “CBS Mornings,” Noem had a new excuse as to why she shared her Franz Ferdinand treatment of the late Cricket.
Noem on “CBS Mornings”:
NOEM: People [in South Dakota] have known for years. My political opponents have tried to use this story against me in previous campaigns. I wanted people to know the truth. And that's why I put that in this book.
Noem on “The Brian Kilmeade Show”:
And that's the reason for telling the story is my political opponents in South Dakota have tried to use the story against me in my last two elections.
Way to get ahead of the story, Governor! She had chances to workshop this so she didn’t sound like a sociopath who wants to continue their unsated canine bloodlust before the White House press secretary had to address veiled threats at Joe Biden’s dog Commander, but chose another way instead. A braver way maybe. Certainly a stupider one.
This whole dog execution fiasco might have faded into oblivion had she gone back to South Dakota and laid low for a few days or weeks. By then, the nation’s attention would’ve turned to Lord Stumblefuck’s latest fuck-up. But, with a book to promote, she couldn’t very well do that, which led to the blatant lie about meeting Kim Jong-un. Since that was already in the book and the audio version, she couldn’t easily laugh it off, and so she had to find a way to lie about that as well.
It would appear she isn’t intelligent enough to do anything save for reading what’s set in front of her. So, the dog execution story and the lie about meeting Kim Jong-un are in the print and audio versions of the book. Despite her efforts to blame her ghostwriter, she read the book for the audio version, so it’s not like she can claim she doesn’t know what’s in the book.
At this point, you may well be thinking what I’m thinking: “How is it possible for a Governor of a state to be so flippin’ vacant?” I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. Perhaps the good people of South Dakota aren’t that demanding of their Governor, and all they want is someone who will keep their taxes low and their roads paved.
Aim low, boys—they’re riding Shetland ponies!!!
Here’s a news flash, Governor: It’s not that Americans don’t trust “fake news.” Americans with a grip on reality know when they’re being lied to, and they hate liars—and you, Governor, are a liar.
Kristi Noem is a liar and a power-hungry political careerist concerned with one thing—political power. She claims to be a faithful, moral Christian, though she’s had an extramarital affair with former Trump advisor Corey Lewandowski. Gov. Noem laments the “double standards” arrayed against Conservatives, but she has no problem using them to her advantage when she’s lying. And she has no problem hiding behind the “fake news!” cry when she’s caught in a lie.
Kristin Noem is a typical amoral, dishonest, power-hungry Republican, and to pretend she’s anything else is to miss the mark.
But she’s attractive, so she has a decent shot at being Lord Stumblefuck’s VP.
If it weren’t for low standards, today’s GOP would have no standards at all.
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