Let's try not to envision sexual congress with the world’s most odious Oompa-Loompa

We should all feel sorry for Stormy Daniels

Sometimes, I like to begin a newsletter by utterly nauseating my readers. That way, no matter what my topic might be or how poorly I relay the details of it, I can’t exceed the damage already done. The bar can’t be set any lower, and anything I do after that is by definition a win.

It’s always good to know where the limits are, knowhutimean?? And if it’s already on the floor, it’s virtually impossible to make things worse than they already are.

So you’ve already lost your dinner? That’s good because now I know that no matter what I have to say or how poorly I may say it, I can only go up from there.

AIM LOW BOYS!! THEY’RE RIDING SHETLAND PONIES!! (Apologies to the late sportswriter, Lewis Grizzard, who was one of my writing heroes.)

This explains why I’ve opened with a video about Stormy Daniels describing having sex with the world’s most grotesquesly orange-hued (barely) humanoid, Donald Trump. Yes, it’s nausea-inducing, and yes, there’s a very good chance it will convince you to swear off sex for the rest of your life.

That said, could it possibly get any worse than trying to envision sexual congress with the world’s most odious and rancid Oompa-Loompa?

I think not.

But, instead of wasting brain cells on that unpleasantness, I’m going to dive feet-first into my latest find from the Lincoln Project (though if I never see Fred Trump’s face again I will die a VERY happy boy):

Lock him up!

Lock him up!

Lock him up, you weak, whiny, impotent, MAGA pinheads! You’ve spent the past nine years thinking the world is your bitch. Well, it looks like Karma’s about to make you her bitch, which means there’s about to be a run on schadenfreude.

Yes, while pundits across the media spectrum have soiled their shorts fearing that Agolf Shitler may have figured out how to fuck America while simultaneously escaping accountability for said fuckery, I’m working overtime trying not to wallow in negativity.

I’m trying to remain positive and believe that FAFO still holds meaning here in the ancestral home of the concept.

What is FAFO, you might reasonably ask. No, we’re not talking about a 15-year-old Brazilian soccer prodigies who’s scored more goals with his dick that Mohamed Salah has ever scored with his cultured left foot. It’s “fuck around and find out,” that uniquely American concept which helps hold fools accountable for their descent into irresponsibility and generalized fuckery, which Lord Stumblefuck specializes in.

Fortunately, it may finally be catching up with him. Or perhaps not. We can all lose our shit over it, but keep in mind that Election Day is six months away. That’s a helluva long time to keep our collective blood pressure at near-record levels, no?

Deep breaths, people. Inhale…exhale…repeat. Let’s not become so focused on the future that we neglect to live in the present, eh?

Beside, the FAFO space/time continuum will happen independent of how many brain cells we devote to worrying about the election. Karma being what it is, what has gone around will eventually come around. It may not be in the manner or timing we would prefer, but if there’s one thing in this world that remains pure and true, it’s this:

Karma is still undefeated.

To those MAGAnauts who believe that “only Trump can save us” (from what?), I’d offer up only one question:

(Don’tcha just LOVE Truth Social? Where true Patriots can speak their mind??)

And, if your answer to the question posed in the graphic is a resounding “YES!” I’d ask a couple of follow-up questions:

Who defines “treasonous?” And then, as a corollary, who gets to decide who and what constitutes a “treasonous politician?” Will “treason” mean the textbook defintion? Or will it become a catch-all to be used again those the regime in power dislikes and wants to be rid of?

Yes, Indecision 2024 may be taking us to a rather unpleasant fork in the road. What sort of country- what sort of PEOPLE- do we want to be? Are we going to continue be the country the rest of the work looks to for help in times of desperation? Or are we going to shrink back with in our borders and tell the rest of the world to go fuck themselves?

Will we continue to support our friends and allies? Or will we even continue to have friends and allies?

Will we even give a damn about the rest of the world? Or will we continue to be a bulwark against tyranny? No, it’s hardly a perfect situation, but we do better more often than not, and I think the world recognizes that. With Donald Trump in power, though, the world knows that it’s going to be all about Donald Trump for four years.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

- Woody Allen

I know; every four years we succumb to the “this election is the most important of our lifetime!” mantra as if it actually means something. THIS TIME, THOUGH, WE MEAN IT, DAMNIT!!! When you look at the choice laid out before us, it should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, we’re up against people who are refusing to use their brains and save America.

The stupidverse is working full-time and then some to brainwash the gullible and the brain-dead into voting for Donald Trump. It’s why so many undereducated poor White Folks attend Trump rallies. “ONLY TRUMP CAN SAVE US” they scream, but from what? The world’s best economy? The world’s best military and best security situation?

Seriously, what is it that MAGAnauts feel that Trump must save them from? A world in which non-Whites are treated as if they matter? Because equality can feel like oppression to those who’ve grown accustomed to being on top of the food chain their entire lives.

“Only Trump can save us?” If that’s the case, we are well and truly fucked.

Wir sind SEHR gefickt.

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