Louie Gohmert- East Texan For "Performance Art"
If he opened a restaurant, the daily specials would be word salads
If you’ve never listened to words pour forth from the mouth of Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), you’ve missed a real treat. I won’t even call what he does “speech” because the word doesn’t begin to do justice to his linguistic stylings. His word salads are more “performance art” than anything else.
There’s a reason Gohmert is the male version of “America’s Dumbest Congressperson,” and it’s not because he has a firm grasp on reality, logic, or the rhetorical arts. No, it’s because the Congressman from the swamps of East Texas understands NONE of those things.
He’s the Republican poster boy for the Dunning-Kruger Effect, which, simply put, is the idea that one is too dense to recognize that one is, in fact, intellectually moribund.
Put Gohmert in front of a microphone- particularly on the House floor- and the first words that come to mind are “loose cannon.” The man doesn’t come with an editor- or an “off” switch- so grab your popcorn and let the crazy wash over you.
Congress was having that time when members are allowed to walk up to any old microphone and say any old words. Even the Republicans! They get to talk and talk and talk and say all the words that come to mind. If they want to work through their feelings, they can do that. If they want to say whatever conspiracy theories they've got on their minds, that's fine. If they want to tell a funny story about a clown they met one time who tickled their funny bone, oh boy, you've never seen a clown like this, they can talk about it!
Nobody does cancel culture to them, and the woke mob cannot find them there.
So Louie Gohmert got up there yesterday and well, darnit, he wanted to talk about his good friends Diamond and Silk, because they were all chatting one day recently, like they do, Louie and Diamond and Silk, and they said, oh golly, Louie, we paid the internet extra money to make our names show up more often, but their names didn't show up more often, and not only that, there was an algorithm that sent names to the bottom of the search results, and "THAT'S CALLED FRAUD."
Louie Gohmert is an important law-talkin' man, who knows of what he speaks when he says "THAT'S CALLED FRAUD" about the algorithms Diamond and also Silk witnessed with their own eyes.
That’s right; he may be just a simple country lawyer, but Louie Gohmert knows FRAUD when he sees it, and dadgummit, THAT’S CALLED FRAUD!!
Of course, Gohmert knows a little about many things, but he never seems to be able to put it all together when he needs it. As a result, he ends up sounding like a blithering idiot, which isn’t far from the truth.
Then, as Gohmert is prone to doing, he’ll continue spouting word salads until he hits on something that feels like it works. And, to no one’s surprise, he ends up accusing the Hillary Clinton campaign of colluding with Russia.
(Wow…what a unique, never before heard accusation!)
He even produced a graphic for the occasion, which, with no context, makes as much sense as it did when he introduced it before the empty house chamber.
Yep, Louie Gohmert made himself a chart, and boy is it purty! Even if it’s total bullshit and proves nothing about anything. But it sure does make Barack Obama look guilty as sin, which is all Gohmert needs to speak to the QAnon conspiracy theorists.
I mean, c’mon…. Eric Holder! Fast & Furious! Lois Lerner! The Clinton Foundation! James Comey! Loretta Lynch! Hillary’s emails! Fusion GPS! Susan Rice!
And Barack HUSSEIN Obama at the center of it all as the locus of Evil? What more do we need, people??? THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
It’s a veritable “Who’s who?” of the evil Democratic underworld dedicated to undermining everything Americans hold to be good, decent, and holy. With Russia involved, they were probably just a few short months removed from drinking the blood of small children and sacrificing virgins.
Or was it drinking the blood of virgins and sacrificing children? I can never keep these things straight.
Thank GOD Donald J. Trump came along and saved America from these evil bastards!
Yes, Louie Gohmert may sound dumb, act dumb, and actually BE dumb, but rest assured that his heart’s in the right place. All he wants is for Republicans to be able to protect the little guy. And to ban abortion. And turn America into Gilead. And issue newborns AR-15s and 1000 rounds of ammunition at birth. Oh, and to force Americans to convert to radical evangelical Christianity under pain of death.
That’s not so much to ask, is it? Just because Conservative White heterosexual Christians want to rule the world…well, does that make them evil?
Well…actually, yes. Yes, it does. But Gohmert makes it seem like such a kindly and benign lesser evil.
We should hope that if Republicans turn America into Gilead, Gohmert is appointed High Priest and Chief Dance Party Host. Sure, living in America will suck, but at least it will look like fun…until someone figures out that Gohmert has no idea what he’s talking about. As per usual.
Then the first bloody coup ought to be all sorts of fun to watch, no?
But then, just as I was trying to figure out how to properly recognize Gohmert’s contributions as America’s Dumbest Congressman, he decides that it’s time for him to ride off into the sunset. Yes, Louie Gohmert’s going back home to his asparagus ranch or whatever it is a simple country lawyer does in east Texas.
Alligator ‘rasslin’?
Gohmert, who in 17 years in Congress has passed ONE piece of legislation, decided that it was time to go back to Texas and make what impact he could at home. And so he ran for Attorney General in the same primary with incumbent Ken Paxton (best known for his hypocrisy and for having America’s most punchable face).
Unfortunately, things didn’t go quite as planned, and Gohmert got his ass handed to him, limping away from the GOP primary with a pitiful fourth-place finish.
Uh…who’s Eva Guzman, anyway?? Didn’t she sing Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina?
In Washington, Louie Gohmert was a comic, if more often idiotic outlier. More often than not, no one (including Gohmert) knew what he was talking about, but he was a Fox News favorite. And he could weave conspiracy theories like few of his contemporaries ever could.
In Texas, though, Gohmert is actually closer to the mainstream of the state’s GOP. That may not sound scary, but when you consider the recent history of the Texas Republican Party, it truly is.
“He's gone from something of an outlier that people chalked up to some combination of region and personality, to someone who is more representative of a big faction of a big share of Republican voters and even Republican elites.”
Jim Henson, director of the Texas Politics Project at the University of Texas at Austin
Gohmert hasn’t announced what he’s going to do once he’s done in Congress. Perhaps he’ll go back to asparagus ranching or gator ‘rasslin’ or just being a simple country lawyer in the swamps of East Texas. Or maybe he’ll be welcomed with open arms into the Texas GOP, where intelligence and reason go to die.
Whatever Louie Gohmert decides to do, he still has much to offer the Lone Star State. There’s no doubt that Congress and C-SPAN will miss his word salads and his ability to conjure up conspiracy theories out of thin air, but there are many who can and will fill his shoes. In Texas, though, Gohmert is and will remain one of a kind.
Who knows? Perhaps Gohmert will find a way to drive the Texas GOP even farther to the Right and deeper into the arms of the party’s Looney Tunes faction. Or maybe he’ll end up on a court-ordered Thorazine regimen. I’d hate to see him silenced like that, though. I’d miss his word salads. They may be devoid of nutrition and wholly unsatisfying, but they sure as Hell are entertaining.
Besides, whoever replaces Louie Gohmert in Congress will be another brain-dead “America First” Trumper with no sense of humor and whose lips are firmly attached to Donald Trump’s ample ass.
BOOOOORRRRING.
We’ll miss you, Louie. Word salads will never be the same.
Some of those pictures were hysterical -- "deleting a text," "the goldfish".