Love is....

The secret to a happy, long-term marriage

Marriage is hard. I should know; I’ve failed twice and am now on my third (and last- just ask my wife) marriage. I got married right out of college, and what no one tells you when you marry young is that you won’t be the same person at 30 that you are at 23. There are so many pitfalls and issues to be managed. If you don’t pay attention, you may just wake up one morning and realize that you no longer really know your spouse. Or yourself

Getting married is easy. STAYING married is hard work, but it can also be very rewarding if both partners are committed to the same things in the same way. You have to learn to deal with anger, disappointment, and frustration without taking any of it personally or without making it personal.

Sometimes I’m not so good at the whole partnership thing, and my often feeble efforts can frustrate my partner. Fortunately, I’m blessed to be with someone who hasn’t given up on me, and we find ways to muddle through. It’s probably more than I deserve, but I’m pretty fortunate.

The beautiful thing about this short film is that it showcases the two extremes of relationships- the “can’t live with you/can’t live without you” element on one side and the long-running love and friendship element on the other. Both sides show how couples can deal with the frustrations of a long-term relationship.

Sometimes when I’m frustrated with my partner, I remind myself why we got together in the first place. I remember someone who I thought was the kindest, sweetest person I know. And I’m grateful for someone who doesn’t expect me to be anyone except who I am. When I keep those things in mind, it helps to minimize any anger I might feel. It also helps to put a disagreement in perspective. She’s still the same person I fell in love with and admire for the way she smiles at me when she walks in the door at the end of each day. We may not always see eye to eye 24/7/365, but negotiating the differences is part of the challenge and it helps to deepen the commitment I feel.

I love how this film can, in the space of a couple of minutes, show us what can be beautiful about marriage. It gives me hope for my own marriage and for the idea of growing old with someone whose company, friendship, and counsel I value more than anything else in this world.

More than anything, it gives me something to aspire to.