Marsha, Marsha, Marsha
Has Marsha Blackburn EVER had a rational opinion...about ANYTHING??
If I were a better person, I’d throw out a Randy Rainbow-style joke about Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN). But, alas, I’m not, and any joke might (inaccurately) be interpreted as misogyny. So I’ll leave it to my gentle reader to interpret the above “Wicked Witch of the West” picture as you see fit. With any luck, perhaps someone will drop a house on her.
Blackburn, who’s (not exactly) renowned for her prowess as a constitutional scholar, majored in…wait for it…Home Economics at Mississippi State University. I have a good friend who graduated from MSU in Starkvegas, so I’m going to refrain from the previously obligatory “four years in Starkville??” jokes. But, seriously, Marsha…”Home Economics??”
What, MSU wasn’t offering “Mrs” degrees when Sen. Blackburn was matriculating for matrimony there?
It's so banal that it barely merits mention, but you probably have noticed that one of the Republican talking points in opposition to Joe Biden's student loan relief is that Republicans — responsible, hard-working Republicans! — don't want to pay for "silly" degrees, and they especially don't want to pay for degrees they don't morally approve of, like "gender studies" or degrees that imply that Black people exist.
As we all know, Republicans only major in carpentry, bootstrap-pulling, and MBA.
GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert said some shit about lesbian ice dancing theory or something. Wait, it was just "lesbian dance theory." Lesbian ice dancing theory is funnier, obviously, but we actually ... ugh, we are sorry ... that one is still kind of funny. Goddammit, Lauren Boebert.
Yeah, the whole of the Republican reaction to Biden’s student loan reaction was kookoo for Cocoa Puffs. But, then again, the entire GOP is opposed to ANYTHING even faintly redolent of a victory for this President.
Judging by the reaction, you could’ve been forgiven for thinking that Joe Biden had just issued an executive order legalizing sex with farm animals.
[S]peaking of college, and speaking of useless degrees, yes, it is true, Marsha Blackburn was a home economics major at Mississippi State University.
But wait! You are saying we are being unfair, which is unfair of you, because we haven't said anything yet. That was you in your dark heart making fun of Marsha Blackburn's home economics degree. You bastard.
But wait! You are still saying we are being unfair, because for one thing, Marsha Blackburn is not asking us to pay back her student loans for her crap degree. She was the recipient of a 4-H scholarship, which we assume paid at least a good chunk of her tuition. And no, we don't know why she got that scholarship, maybe she raised a prize heifer during her time with 4-H and it agreed to pay for some of her college.
But wait! You are also probably wanting us to note that a home economics degree trains somebody to serve their MAN, whereas a gender studies degree trains them to serve their PRONOUNS. Pretty sure only one of those is part of Jesus's approved curriculum and therefore a worthwhile use of our taxpayer money!
You really should be more woke, we swear.
But to be honest, godly traditional southern Christian motherfuckers like Blackburn probably do see a distinction here between someone who would take out student loans to, for all practical purposes, get an "MRS degree," as opposed to people who take out loans to study things that godly traditional southern Christian motherfuckers consider icky and gay, like gender studies, or synchronized lesbianism.
Of course, I should exercise caution about denigrating a Home Economics degree. I took a Home Ec class during the last semester of my senior year of high school. I needed one more class to graduate, and since I was already a member of the National Honor Society and had been accepted to a college, I needed something easy.
Home ec was awesome; we made spaghetti, Baked Alaska, and learned how to sift flour. I also caught flies, put them in the microwave, and took bets on how long they’d survive until they’d turn into a puddle of goo (the average was about 30 seconds on high). I actually made some money doing that.
I learned how to properly wear an apron, measure sugar, and drive our fresh-out-of-college teacher to the brink of madness. Looking back, I probably could’ve played fewer pranks on her, but it was all in good fun- though tying strings to the legs of flies and letting them fly around the classrooms was a bit of a distraction.
Still and all, maybe Sen. Blackburn’s royal butthurt over forgiving loans for “gender studies” degrees might be a wee bit…oh, I don’t know, hypocritical??
Of course, it’s not like a “Mrs”- er, Home Economics degree prepared her for a life in politics. Or anywhere outside the home for that matter. Sen. Blackburn has the mental agility of a can of spray paint, which prepared her as much as anything could to represent Tennessee in the Senate.
Republicans on Capitol Hill, many of whom had Payroll Protection Plan (PPP) loans forgiven by the federal government during the pandemic, have no problem with their hypocrisy. To their way of thinking, subsidizing businesses is perfectly acceptable, but doing the same for people is…wait for it…
SOCIALISM!!!! (Stop me if you’ve heard this before)
Yes, and we all know what socialism breeds, don’t we?
Government handouts will lead to people no longer wanting to work.
Something for nothing can only lead to dependence on government largesse.
America as we know it will collapse as personal initiative is destroyed by “free stuff.”
Getting money without earning it turns people into Green Bay Packers fans.
But if government handouts are bad for individuals, how is it that they don’t have the same effect on businesses? Why do subsidies destroy individual initiative, but provide a needed lifeline to “job creators?”
Beyond that, why do Republicans like Blackburn believe they have the right to pass judgment on what is a “worthy” education path? How is a B.A. in Home Economics “more” worthy than one in Gender Studies? And what’s the criteria, other than Republicans like Blackburn believe Gender Studies to be laughable?
As if Home Economics is any more or less credible.
When you manage to get past all of the bluster and hypocrisy, what you have is an argument based largely on racism. President’s Biden loan forgiveness program will overwhelmingly benefit those on the lower end of the socioeconomic scale (the Democratic base). Republicans hate programs that benefit minorities and the poor, because there’s no benefit in it for them. Their base will see relatively little benefit, and so they’re going to virulently oppose anything that looks as if it will be a victory for a President they despise.
It’s not about doing what’s best for America. The GOP could care less about Americans who aren’t going to vote for them anyway. They see their chances to take over the House and Senate dwindling as they drown in their own incompetence and blind idolatry. They’re lips are so firmly attached to Donald Trump’s ass that, even though they know it’s going to sink them, they can’t break free.
I WISH I COULD QUIT YOU!!!
It’s like watching a slow-motion train wreck, and it’s actually fun to observe it all going down from the other side of the fence. The GOP is slowly but surely eating its young because they’re completely wedded to a former President who’s coming apart at the seams and taking the party down with him.
Ah, schadenfreude, thou art a fickle but thoroughly enjoyable state of affairs…and karma’s a bitch.
Yes. It. Is.
