Meth- We're On It...And Other Tales Of Woe

Welcome to my thought experiment

(Ed. Note: I don't know whether the following 1200 words will make any sense. I was frustrated, so I sat down at my keyboard and started writing. What you have before you is a thought experiment. Except for some light editing, it’s what spooled out of my brain. If you like it, thank you. If you don’t, I was kidnapped by gremlins and bear no responsibility for what follows.)

Today, at least for one day, I’m sick to death of dealing with an America that staggers from one crisis to the next, so I thought I’d dive into a different side of life. So, with some help from the South Dakota Department of Propaganda and a few other friends, I’m going to do something a bit out of the ordinary today.

What follows is 1244 words of stream-of-consciousness. I’m writing this having no idea where my brain will take me. That’s not unprecedented, but I usually at least have some idea where I’m going to end up after 1000-1500 words. I have no clue today, so if you stick with me here, you’ll get a glimpse into my creative process. And, yes, it’s every bit as chaotic and pinball-like as you might expect.

So, while I’m pondering my next step, here’s a wonderful video on why Sioux Falls, SD, is such a fantastic place to live. At least I have to assume it’s lovely; I haven’t watched it, either (And Sioux Falls is nothing close to extraordinary; trust me on this one)

(Sioux Falls- Because it’s closer to home than Darfur.)

I suppose we all know racists who are scared of angry Black men, right? But, did you know there’s nothing more frightening in America today than an angry White man? How do I know this? ‘Cuz CNN says so…and if you read the article and think about it, they have a point.

The one legacy of the Trump regime that upsets me (no, I’m not THAT kind of angry White man) is that angry Whites now feel they’re permitted to air their grievances. That often means angry Conservative White males, but not always. Here in Portland, there have been demonstrations on and off since George Floyd’s murder by more left-leaning crowds that have resulted in significant property damage.

Imagine if Black men had done the same thing? It would be a race war.

Oh, and lets’ not forget that in the world of some White Conservatives, winners are losers, and losers are…WTF???

And if you want something to be frightened about (and you’re not on meth), did you know that the communist Chinese government is buying farms in Central Washington? They may not be, but Dan Newhouse wants you scared and sleepless over the possibility.

And if that isn’t bad enough, South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (R) and some of her constituents are worried about drought control. Some of these folks are a wee bit…out there. Then again, it’s South Dakota. You try living in the middle of nowhere during the long, cold winters and see what that does to your perspective on the world, eh??

Well, that and too many years spent watching nothing but Fox News Channel.

And while I’m thinking about it, whatever happened to our God-given right to hate and discriminate against someone because they’re different? Shouldn’t good, God-fearing Conservative Christian White heterosexuals be free to hold themselves above the LGBTQ community? After all, it wasn’t “Adam and Steve” in the Bible,” it was “Adam and EVE,” amiright??

I suppose Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a rainbow-colored unicorn??

Jesus Christ preached love, tolerance, and acceptance, which was SO 2000 years ago. Now you’ve got gays trying to recruit our children. They’ve stolen the rainbow and won’t stop until they’ve turned everyone gay!

I mean, what about the open displays of homosexuality?? Wouldn’t Arkansas cease to exist without the open hostility to the LGBTQ community that holds it together?

Oh, wait; you mean there aren’t any open displays of total out-there gayness? I’ll have to get back to you on that.

And since when is ice cream not gender-neutral?

Sometimes I have days when I feel contrary, like wearing my “FUCK TED CRUZ” t-shirt (yes, I have one) and walking into a Klan rally. Fortunately, I can stay home and take out my foul mood on my keyboard.

Call this a thought experiment or an attempt to give my readers a glimpse into my creative process. Like most writers, I spend WAY too much time in my head, and it’s not always pretty. So on days like this, I want to take my AR-15 and a few dozen watermelons out on the back 40 and let the testosterone flow.

Then I remembered I don’t have an AR-15, it’s not watermelon season, and the testosterone ain’t what it used to be.

Damn the bad luck.

Then again, few things provide me with more unadulterated and unbridled joy than the volatile combination of human stupidity, fireworks, and combustion engines. It’s almost enough to make me believe in a benevolent God.

If I haven’t given you enough to think about today (or reason enough to curse me), how about 9:31 of Ben Shapiro and Malcolm Nance debating Critical Race Theory?

(Spoiler alert: I don’t think either Shapiro nor Nance have any idea what CRT is.)

I don’t know about you, but nine-and-a-half minutes of listening to Ben Shapiro talking about anything is enough to leave me begging for mercy.

My condolences. Or you could listen to John Oliver’s take on CRT. I know which one I’d rather listen to, but I’ll leave that up to you.

I’ll leave you with John Oliver discoursing on the Confederacy, which, as with anything Oliver discusses, is freakin’ hilarious.

Of course, these 1244 words go against everything I’ve ever learned about writing. And that’s the point. I wanted to try something reflective of the mental disorganization I live with every day. While I try to make light of it, living with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is no joke.

Imagine having a discussion with your spouse or partner and realizing two minutes into the conversation that you have no idea what you’re discussing. It’s not that you weren’t paying attention; your ability to follow the conversation exceeded its capacity.

Or consider living in fear of your spouse listing things off that you need to pick up at the grocery store and knowing that if the list is more than four or five items long, you’ll inevitably forget something.

I can’t even argue with my wife without forgetting the points I want to make five minutes into the discussion.

I could go into detail about the things that strike fear into me, and you’d probably laugh because they’re minor organizational things that you probably take for granted. But I look at them and see something that might as well be written in Hebrew.

So I’m finishing this up, hoping it at least provides a glimpse into the chaos I live with daily. I wish I were “normal,” whatever that means, but I can console myself with the knowledge that many famous creative people also have ADD. It’s the only thing I’ll ever have in common with Albert Einstein or Jackson Pollock.

Be sure to tune in Monday when our regular programming will resume. :-)