"No Way To Prevent This...."
Didja hear the shooter was a left-handed transexual leftist illegal alien...AND a soccer fan? And maybe even a porn addict?
(When a parody site nails it, you know we’re completely and utterly f****d)
It was inevitable, of course, that in the aftermath of the massacre at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, TX, Very Serious White Folks would weigh in with their theories on what, why, and how such an unspeakable tragedy could happen.
By Very Serious White Folks, I’m referring to the Right-wing intelligentsia, the source of all knowledge and wisdom- at least to those who get their news and information from Fox News Channel.
[After the semi-]regular sacrifice of children to the Second Amendment, the Onion has devoted its main page to all 21 times it's had to use its headline "No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens." It's a far more intelligent use of the English language than anything you'd find in rightwing media since the murders, virtually all of which boiled down to explaining why this tragedy had absolutely nothing to do with the roughly 390 million firearms privately owned by Americans. There are 120 guns for every 100 of us, so we suppose that in keeping with the principle of democracy, we ought to let the guns vote. In fact, that may be the only argument Fox News hasn't aired yet. They may be saving it for primetime tonight.
Of course, it’s not about the guns. How could it be? ANY right-thinking, God-fearing ‘Merican Patriot KNOWS in their heart of hearts that it’s not about the guns- because only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun.
And an armed society is a scared shitless polite society.
And the Tree of Liberty must now and again be watered with the blood of Patriots (in this case, second- to fourth-graders and a couple of teachers).
And…well, [insert trite, pointless pro-gun propaganda here].
The bad faith takes came hot and heavy, even semi-automatically, you could say. There were old familiar favorites, like "Let's arm the teachers," and some very au courant blends of conspiracy theory with the latest rightwing mania.The shooter was an 18-year-old from Uvalde, but that didn't prevent wingnuts from circulating rumors that maybe he was an undocumented border-jumper (A Florida GOP candidate was "just asking"), or spreading photos of a completely different transgender person and claiming they were the shooter. Actual Congressman Paul Gosar combined the two lies, insisting in a now-deleted tweet that the killer was a "Transsexual Leftist Illegal Alien," and probably a soccer fan, too.
Tucker Carlson, of course, was quick to pile on President Joe Biden- “frail, confused, bitterly partisan”- for daring to voice his anger and frustration over two teachers and 19 children having been sacrificed at the altar of Republican intransigence.
Of course, to the Far-Right intelligentsia, the ONLY proper response would have been for the Left to shut up and wait for the moment to pass. Only then, when everyone has moved on to the next mass shooting, could they speak. But, of course, then it would once again be too soon, and they’d again be accused of “politicizing” an abject tragedy.
According to the Right-wing intelligentsia, the only appropriate and respectful role for Democrats is to STFU until Republicans tell them it’s OK to speak. That will never happen, of course.
And if nothing changes, nothing changes- which is precisely what Republicans want.
[Carlson] went on, imagining a much kinder, more respectful America where Biden might have called on Americans to pray for the murdered children and teachers, and for their families, and simply left it there, without that very undignified senile talk about preventing it from happening again. To which, we can only answer, borrowing the words of Rep. Ruben Gallego to Ted Cruz yesterday, "Just to be clear fuck you [Tucker Carlson] you fucking baby killer."
If only Sleepy Joe knew when to STFU and let the Very Serious White Folks address Americans' pain. Because one thing Very Serious White Folks excel at is telling Conservative White Christians at whom to direct their anger.
Then there’s Mark Levin, who’s convinced that there are so many school shootings because we’ve turned away from God.
Yeah, that MUST be it.
Fox News talking bald head Mark Levin explained that we mustn't fall prey to the simplistic thinking that we can ever hope to keep weapons designed to maim human beings out of the hands of 18-year-olds with murderous intent. Instead, he explained, we all need to turn to God, and once we're a godly nation again and have mandatory school prayer again, well, we'd be godly.
As if.
But wait, there’s more….
According to Levin, more laws won’t work, nor will more mental health treatment. Only more faith in God will cure the problem. Because America was founded on a Judeo-Christian belief system, and ONLY returning to that belief system can pull America out of the moral black hole in which we find ourselves.
And if you can’t accept that, you should probably keep on going. I hear Canada and Mexico are beautiful this time of year.
Finally, there’s the Queen of Mean, Laura Ingraham, who probably pees on her children’s Christmas presents for giggles. She was only too happy to host a guest who blamed the Uvalde shooting on- wait for it- parents.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Blaming the victims of an unspeakable tragedy is about as low and heartless as it gets, but it’s also peak Ingraham, who’s never met a wound into which she couldn’t pour large amounts of salt.
Oh, and to be extra classy, Pollack opined that it was scandalous that we were sending military equipment to Ukraine when we should be up-armoring our elementary and high schools.
Right. So we should turn our schools into the equivalent of war zones. How is that supposed to be conducive to learning?
I get it; parents want their children to be safe. They deserve that at the very least, but do we want to drop our kids off at the equivalent of minimum-security prisons every morning? Do we become so paranoid and frightened of what might happen that we give in to that fear?
Or do we work to force Congress to address the elephant in the room- the GOP that refuses even to consider laws that might (and I emphasize MIGHT) show promise of getting weapons of war off America’s streets?
At what point do we stop listening to Very Serious White Folks and determine that we’re going to travel a different path, one that might help to reduce the opportunity to shoot up schools and other public gathering places?
Because if nothing changes, nothing’s going to change.
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