North Dakota- No Sex Please, We're Christians
We also hate cartoon genitals and gay stuff
Have you ever wondered why North Dakota is so sparsely populated? I know; nobody cares, but work with me here, willya? It’s not only because the Frozen Wasteland State is, in fact, a God-forsaken frozen wasteland. And it’s also not because I once fell asleep while driving between Fargo and Bismarck and Fargo on I-94 at 70 MPH. When I woke up two hours later, I discovered I was still in the same lane.
(Yeah, it’s that flat. And that boring.)
No, it’s because those tortured, repressed souls who live in North Dakota are deathly afraid of sex. And, as any biology student knows, no species can reproduce if they don’t do the horizontal mambo at least once in a while.
Despite this, North Dakotans continue their War on Sex.
Republicans in the North Dakota state House of Representatives have introduced a bill that would not only ban public libraries from carrying any books with "sexually explicit" content, but would also jail librarians for up to 30 days on felony charges (plus up to a $1500 fine) if they fail to remove such works within 30 days of a written request from anyone. No, the bill doesn't include any other evaluation of the book; it would simply have to be removed. Good law-writing!
Just to make clear that the bill's authors are bigots, House Bill 1205 wouldn't just ban public libraries from owning books that include photos, pictures, or other "visual depictions" of various sex acts, but also "sexual preferences," "sexual perversion," sex-based classifications" (?!?), "sexual Idenitity" or "gender identity," although the bill doesn't define any of those terms.
The bill does at least generously include an exception for "works of art" with "serious artistic significance" and for books used in science classes, including "biology, anatomy, physiology, or sexual education classes." What a relief!
‘Course, there has to be some sex edumication ‘cuz people need to know just enough to consider sex shameful, nasty, and dirty. That won’t stop them from having children, but it’s usually enough to prevent them from enjoying sex…or at least to induce feelings of guilt when they do begin to enjoy it.
And the good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian heterosexuals living in North Dakota, like state House Majority Leader Mike Lefor (R), sure as Hell don’t want their young ‘uns thinking about things like alternative sexuality. I mean, “gender fluidity?” That s**t will FREEZE in North Dakota, as anything fluid does during the brutal winter months.
Beyond that, their precious snowflakes could be irreparably damaged by
“disturbing and disgusting” content, including ones that describe virginity as a silly label and assert that gender is fluid….
Lefor argued that a child’s exposure to such content has been associated with addiction, poor self esteem, devalued intimacy, increasing divorce rates, unprotected sex among young people and poor well-being — though did he did not offer any evidence to support such claims.
Lefor then went on to say that exposing children to “such content” can also lead to them wanting to move to Florida during the winter and/or- GASP!!!- becoming Liberals.
Worse, they might learn to enjoy sex and become swingers, transgender people, bisexuals, or Green Bay Packers fans.
Oh, the humanity….
And the books used in some sex edumication classes might not teach children to hate their bodies, like their parent’s generation and those who came before them. Because if kids begin to enjoy sex, they may never leave the bedroom. If that happens, who’s going to tend the farm?
Stark County resident Autumn Richard also spoke in favor of the bill, giving examples of explicit content in the graphic novel “Let’s Talk About It: The Teen’s Guide to Sex, Relationships, and Being a Human” and the kids’ comic book “Sex Is a Funny Word” — both available in public libraries….
Richard argued the books might have beneficial knowledge about contraceptives, body image and abusive relationships, but many sections provide information that she said was harmful for minors.
And by “harmful for minors,” we suspect she was speaking in code and was referring to “butt stuff,” like, you know, “gay stuff.” Because, as ANY good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian heterosexual North Dakota resident knows, there are no LGBTQ people in the Frozen Wasteland State.
None. Zero. Zip. Nada.
So why would anyone need to talk about it?
Rep. Mike Lefor (R-Dickinson) knows obscenity when he sees it…and this has “gay stuff” in it.
So, if there are no gay people in North Dakota, why would students need to learn about them? Especially when they’re going to grow up, learn to hate sex, and live (and eventually die) on their farm? What else do they need to know outside of corn and soybean prices?
Oh, and how not to freeze to death in their combine?
Of course, Lefor’s concerns extend to North Dakota’s libraries because it’s important not to introduce impure thoughts into the minds of the Frozen Wasteland State’s residents.
The Bismarck Tribune notes that Lefor also cited tiny cartoon genitals in Let's Talk About It as a reason that no one must ever see the book in a library, let alone talk about it. The book has recently been the object of the usual screamy public comments at a local library board meeting.
Perhaps Lefor is concerned because the “cartoon genitals” were modeled on his own, and they’re far smaller than he believes they should be. That WOULD be obscene, eh?
As for the screamy comments, North Dakota is a good, God-fearing state that (pretends to) hates sex with the best of them. No White Conservative Christian heterosexual is going to put up with cartoon genitals being available to perverts in public libraries. I mean, who would want their tax dollars going to feed someone’s perversion??
Not everyone in North Dakota is getting in line behind Rep. Lefor. Some who are pro-perversion favor making printed masturbation aids available in public libraries. What’s next? The Communist Manifesto? Mein Kampf? People Magazine?
Lefor's bill and a similar one, Senate Bill 2123 introduced by Sen. Todd Beard, R-Williston, "promote censorship and book bans" and have "been drafted with vague and open-ended language, which leaves the door open for unintended consequences and room for interpretation," Bismarck Veterans Memorial Public Library Director Christine Kujawa said.
She questioned how the library -- with more than 470,000 print and digital items, 20,000 items added annually, and an average 187,000 visitors annually -- could monitor access to objectionable content.
"The answer is, we can’t and shouldn’t. Citizens should have the freedom to choose the information they want to access. In the case of minors, parents are responsible for this, not the government. Not in North Dakota, in the United States, a state and country so rightfully proud of a representative democracy," Kujawa said.
Trained librarians with master's degrees in literature choose materials for the library's collection, which go by the library's collection development policy approved by its board of trustees per state law, she told the House panel. Community members also make suggestions for books.
That’s right. If community members want to make masturbation aids available to junior high school boys in their public libraries, then that’s their choice. But they shouldn’t be surprised when the pages stick together, knowhutimean?
Banning books may be a slippery slope, but the good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian heterosexuals of North Dakota only want to ensure that their progeny grow up to be as fearful and ignorant of sex as they are. Is that too much to ask for?
(Don’t even get me started on the Republican legislator who wants to fine state-funded groups $1500 for using the “wrong” pronouns….)
To ensure this happens, SB 2123 includes a $1500 fine for “displaying materials with depictions or written descriptions of nudity ‘in a manner to exploit sex, lust, or perversion’ in places frequented by minors.” So, like gas stations, 7-Elevens, and libraries, yeah?
This ought to be fun.
Of course, I’m not sure what else you can expect from North Dakota. Even though I grew up two hours east of Fargo in Minnesota, I never set foot in the Frozen Wasteland State until I was almost 30 and on a business trip. It’s a place frozen in time like it’s perpetually 1957.
That said, I hear that the North Dakota summers, which last from June 27-30, are lovely. But, unfortunately, the winters, which last from July 1-May 31, can be brutal. This helps to explain why those few hardy souls who live in North Dakota are so fearful of the outside world.
‘Cuz there be gay people out there….
Seeing that pic of Lefor (and his haircut), my first thought was, here is a man who once saw Captain Kangaroo and it changed his life.
I wonder how these asshats plan on censoring the internet?
Or you give real power to people who believe their faith gives them the right to force their beliefs on everyone, even those who happen not to share it.