On this week's episode of "F**k Around and Find Out"....

Homophobic bigot Kim Davis finds out that fucking around (i.e.- breaking the law) can be an expensive proposition.

Kim Davis: When Christian = Self-superior Asshole

Because people are assholes," said Bear, dutifully keeping his head down. "Ninety percent of all problems are caused by people being assholes.

• Becky Chambers

Kim Davis, the homophobic former clerk of Rowan County, Kentucky, long ago used up her 15 minutes of infamy. Under normal circumstances, I’d be reluctant to add to that total, but Davis defines the beauty of “fuck around and find out.”

She figured that because she was “serving” her flavor of God, the laws of mere mortals were beneath her. Well, she fucked around long enough and refused to perform the duties of her office by denying a marriage certificate to a gay couple, who then sued Davis from Rowan County to Possum Holler.

She then found out.

Davis had no legal or moral precedent to stand on. She had an obligation to perform the roles of her position, and she refused to do so because of her homophobia and “Christianity.”

Precisely what Jesus would do, eh?

Nah, the Prince of Peace wasn’t a homophobic dick.

U.S. District Judge David Bunning had already ruled in 2022 that Davis broke the law when she refused to do her job, by signing a legal marriage license, on account of her Christian bigotry. When a jury heard the case last September to assess damages, they didn’t buy any of the arguments offered by her attorneys at Liberty Counsel. So they eventually ruled that Davis owed David Ermold and David Moore $50,000 each. (A different jury decided that another same-sex couple was owed no damages from Davis. It’s not clear why Davis escaped punishment in that case.) Liberty Counsel had argued that Davis had qualified immunity and couldn’t be sued. The jury, on the other hand, was persuaded by the principle of fuck around and find out.

At the time, Liberty Counsel said they would appeal the decision… and, of course, that went nowhere because Kim Davis clearly broke the law.

But that left one open question: How much money did her side need to pay the Plaintiffs’ lawyers? She lost the case; now it was a matter of paperwork. The Plaintiffs asked for “$246,026.40 in attorneys’ fees and $14,058.30 in expenses.” Davis’ team tried to whittle that down to a little over $100,000.

Once again, Judge Bunning didn’t buy any of the Davis team’s arguments. Even if you don’t follow legal cases, you will thoroughly enjoy reading this decision.

Consider how Bunning lays out the matter at hand, implying that the Plaintiffs’ lawyers have been working on this case for years:

The procedural history of this case is well documented in the record and the Court need not reiterate it in detail here. In sum, following extensive discovery, multiple motions, dispositive and otherwise, four appeals to the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals, one petition for a writ of certiorari to the United States Supreme Court and a three-day jury trial, this case is on the eve of final resolution. One issue remains — attorneys’ fees and expenses.

What Ms. Davis either didn’t or (more likely) refused to recognize is that the Jesus Christ she claims to revere was big on things like love, tolerance, understanding, acceptance, and generally not being a dick toward others.

I’m not sure what Bible Ms. Davis has been perusing, but hers is apparently full of Scripture about how treating others like shit and being a bigoted homophobe is a very godly thing.

It’s too bad that her futile legal battle hasn’t gone her way…and that it’s cost her so much: “$246,026.40 in attorneys’ fees and $14,058.30 in expenses.”

Ah, but karma can be a real bitch, can’t she?

If Davis and her Liberty Counsel attorney had recognized that they were fighting a losing battle and quit while they still hadn’t embarrassed themselves, they could have saved her a lot of money. That they didn’t, and that they arrogantly and self-righteously kept pissing into the wind only means they got what such folks so arrogant and self-righteous deserve.

Yeah, Liberty Counsel can still claim they’re fighting the good fight, that they’re fighting to protect a good and righteous Christian from the oppressive hand of the evil and secular judicial system that knows not the light of God’s love.

And lonely 206-year-old ladies in their Hoverounds and their portable oxygen tanks can write Liberty Counsel large checks so they can continue fighting off the Satanic hordes.

Whatever they’re doing, it’s lifetime employment for lawyers at Liberty Counsel…otherwise, they’d have to go out and get real jobs.

But then I found out Cletus still loved me….

God does work in mysterious ways, doesn’t She??

Try and stay with me here…Ms. Davis married Earl, had twins with Bubba, divorced Earl, married Cletus, divorced Cletus, married Bubba, divorced Bubba, and then remarried Cletus.

Have you got all that? And this woman is the self-appointed spokeswoman for the sanctity of marriage?

WTF??

Yeah…speaking of loving pretending to be victims, Kim Davis is practically a professional victim now. She’s convinced herself that she’s being persecuted by an evil, secular legal system that wants to make an example of Christians like her.

The problem with Davis’ Christianity is that not only does she not practice it in Church, she doesn’t practice it in her life. If she were indeed a Christian, she’d understand that the Jesus Christ she claims to revere would’ve welcomed a gay couple with open arms and an open heart. Kim Davis not only refused their request for a marriage license, she rejected them out of hand.

Her bigotry and homophobia may play well in Possum Holler, Kentucky, but it’s hardly “Christian.” That she cast her lot with the Far-Right Liberty Counsel certainly wasn’t the wisest move she could’ve made; it appears they’re using her simply for fundraising purposes and that she’ll be on the hook for the $260,000 worth of legal fees. There goes that trip to Cabo, eh?

When you’re stupid, homophobic, AND bigoted, karma’s going to pretty much have her way with you.

And we’ll be riding the Schadenfreude Express all the way home, don’tchaknow?

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