On Today's Premiere Of "Velma's Lesbian Leather Revue"....
One more thing the Rabid Right can pointlessly lose their $#!@ over
So what are Conservatives losing their everlovin’ $#!@ over now? Perhaps the Thai policeman who murdered more than three dozen kids at a daycare center?
Nah.
Christian Walker being blamed for his father’s inability to tell the truth?
Nope.
Or perhaps female professional soccer players being forced to watch porn and engage in sexual relationships with their coaches?
As if.
No, they’re melting down over a cartoon character identifying as a lesbian.
OMIGAWD, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?? HOW DARE THEY FORCE SUCH SINFUL DEBAUCHERY ON OUR POOR IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN??
Good Lord, of all the things to lose your mind over….
So, Velma from "Scooby-Doo" is gay. That's neither major news nor a big surprise to anyone who spent their childhood afternoons watching the classic cartoon, but rightwingers have predictably freaked out. Is nothing sacred, not even the madcap adventures of a talking dog and his stoner friend?
The Washington Examiner declared, "Scooby-Doo's Velma is now a lesbian." ("Lesbian" might as well have appeared in that creepy horror movie font from the "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!" intro.)
Jinkies, Velma from Scooby-Doo is officially a lesbian.
A clip from a new movie titled Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo! appears to show Velma fawning over a costume designer named Coco Diablo.You hear that? It's official. The Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo film probably includes Velma's lesbian christening ceremony.
Predictably, the Examiner doesn't consider the possibility that Velma's bisexual. Her lack of interest in Shaggy and Fred is hardly conclusive. Past live-action adaptations tried to overtly state Velma’s sexuality, and they might’ve gotten away with it if not for those meddling studio executives.
Unless the film has scenes of Velma naked and scissoring with another character, I fail to see what the Sturm un Drang is about. So she’s a lesbian? Does she do anything about it? Does she have her own gratuitous and passionate lesbian sex scene?
No? Then where’s the fire??
On Fox News's "The Faulkner Focus," the chyron read "Scooby Doo Goes Woke When Velma Comes Out As Gay." Now, even the existence of queer people is "woke." We don't know Velma's politics — although we can guess because she actually solves the mysteries and doesn't just blame illegal immigrants.
Rightwing commentator Steven Crowder complained that including LGBTQ characters forces parents to answer complex girl-on-girl sex questions that they wouldn't otherwise because heterosexual couples are "the norm." He's obviously no expert in early childhood development because that's not how any of this works. Kids will drive you crazy asking questions about how sofas work, and there's at least one in every American household.
“Scooby Doo Goes Woke?” WTactualF?? Not that anyone could define “woke.” You’d have to spot them Ron DeSantis and a copy of the Urban Dictionary, and even then, I wouldn’t bet on anyone figuring it out.
So kids ask their parents a few questions? Big deal; if parents can’t handle their offspring pitching queries at them, perhaps they shouldn’t BE parents, knowhutimean?? It’s what kids do. They’re going to run into these things in the real world. If they don’t start asking these questions at an early age, imagine the sort of misinformation, hate, and propaganda with which their heads will be filled.
And I seriously doubt that “Scooby” will now feature lesbian sex scenes any more than their earlier work featured heterosexual sex. It’s a children’s cartoon, so sex acts won’t feature prominently.
Sure, the Rabid, Ridiculous Right can spew their righteous fury over whatever secretly turns them on. But all they’re going to do is to draw yet more attention to what they’re trying to suppress. Unfortunately, they’ll have to explain even more to the children they’re trying to “protect.”
One’s sexuality is only as offensive as one chooses to make it. If you decide not to be LGBTQ, then good on you; no one will force you to partake. What happens between consenting adults is no one’s damned business, anyway. Yet too many on the Rabid, Ridiculous Right insist on making it their business. They believe everyone who doesn’t share their sexuality and belief system is going straight to Hell. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? And it certainly sounds as if someone needs to improve their marketing and sales campaigns.
‘Course, if you can feign righteous indignation over a Black mermaid, doing the same over a lesbian cartoon character probably makes perfect sense. I suspect the fact that neither of these characters exist matters not at all to you, so opposed are you to things falling outside your accepted boundaries.
And they’ll next tell us that Jesus Christ and Santa Claus aren’t White….
Why does it matter that Velma is lesbian? Is it really so terrible that some children might find something about her with which they can identify? Must we insist that everything we expose our children to be uniformly White, Conservative, Christian, and heterosexual? Must we teach them that everyone fits into that narrow box, even when we know it’s not true?
What are we protecting them from?
And the idea that “including LGBTQ characters forces parents to answer complex girl-on-girl sex questions that they wouldn't otherwise” ignores the reality that kids are curious and will ask questions about anything. It’s what kids do, so if kids ask about LGBTQ characters, parents can consider it a teachable moment…or freak out and think that little Mary might be a lesbian.
The Rabid, Ridiculous Right also misses the obvious solution available to parents. If content from “Scooby Doo” or other children’s programming offends them, they can prevent their children from watching. Instead, sit them in front of the “700 Club” or “Veggie Tales.”
Parents can and should exercise control over what their children watch on television. If Velma being lesbian offends you, perhaps “SpongeBob Squarepants” might be more your style. Then again, I’d wager you’ll find something about that show to get your knickers in a twist soon enough.
Because if not or righteous outrage, you’d have no reason to live.
Why do I find myself wondering whether these people can actually make the distinction between a cartoon character and a real one?