Remember "The Party Of Small Government?"

It was really about getting government off the backs of wealthy White Conservative Christian heterosexual males.

Thank GOD for the clarity and (more or less) sound judgment of White Conservative Christian heterosexual males, for without them, how would women know what to do with their bodies? How else will the half of the population with ladyparts understand that they can’t do with their body as they please, that their reproductive functions are the property of the State?

It takes good Christian men like Judge Jared Smith to set ladies straight. That he did when he ruled in January that a pregnant 17-year-old girl wasn’t sufficiently “mature” to have an abortion (Yet she was “mature” enough to give birth? WTF??).

There may well be no real justice in the Universe, just a series of accidents. Gilda Radner was gone at 42, while Henry Kissinger seems set to survive until the dying Sun expands and devours Earth.

But once in a while, people do seem to get at least a little of what they deserve, like when 105-year-old Civil Rights activist Amelia Boynton, who was beaten by cops in Selma and attended the signing of the Voting Rights Act in 1965, was Barack Obama's guest for his 2015 State of the Union address. He met with her in the office of her old friend John Lewis, and told her, accurately, "I am here because of you." Talk about the moral arc of the universe!

Other times, people get what's coming to them in a more punitive sense, so let's turn our attention to Tuesday's judicial elections in Hillsborough County, Florida, where voters elected attorney Nancy Jacobs to replace incumbent Circuit Judge Jared Smith. Smith gained national notoriety in January when he ruled that a pregnant 17-year-old wasn't "mature" enough to be allowed to have an abortion, so she'd have to give birth. Fortunately, Smith's decision was reversed on appeal.

And now, in one of those rare cases where judges aren't simply reelected because voters don't know anything about judicial candidates, Smith has lost his seat, goodbye, despite somehow getting the endorsement of the Tampa Bay Times before the election.

I realize that professional pundits are still trying to make a living by explaining Floriduh, but the “‘WTF?’ State” has become the political equivalent of Looney Tunes. Seriously, Ron DeSantis? Rick Scott? Marco Rubio? WTF, amiright??

Gov. DeSantis may be fond of saying that Floriduh is where “Woke” goes to die, but anyone who’s been paying attention understands that the “‘WTF?’ State” is where reason and reality go to die. It may seem that Gov. DeSantis is the loudest voice in Floriduh, but that doesn’t make him the smartest one, even if it is a low bar.

As for Judge Jared Smith, he isn’t the problem. He is, however, a symptom of the severe sickness afflicting Floriduh and the rest of the American Taliban. These folks may think they’re doing God’s work, but abject cruelty as a policy is nowhere to be found in Scripture.

God’s work? They have enough trouble finishing their own work.

Of course, I’m making the mistake of assuming that members of the American Taliban read and give a damn about the teachings of the Prince of Peace they claim to revere. Truthfully, the only thing they care anything for is pure, unadulterated, and unchecked political power. If they have to use Jesus Christ as a pretext for seizing power and creating their religious dictatorship, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, no?

The case in question came before Judge Smith before Roe v. Wade was rolled back, but the same draconian reasoning appears to have been employed to deny the teenage girl access to an abortion.

The case in which Smith ruled was adjudicated in January and concluded well before the US Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade in June. Still, it almost certainly led to Smith's defeat Tuesday.

Under Florida's parental consent law, teens who can't get parental permission for an abortion (due to fear of abuse, lack of support from parents, and so on) can seek "judicial bypass" and ask a judge for a waiver, which is why "Jane Doe," the pregnant 17-year-old, went before Judge Smith. Her mother lives out of state, and her father doesn't believe in abortion rights.

As the appeals court decision explains, Smith ruled that the girl had less than average intelligence

because "[w]hile she claimed that her grades were 'Bs' during her testimony, her GPA is currently 2.0. Clearly, a 'B' average would not equate to a 2.0 GPA." The court reasoned, "Petitioner's testimony evinces either a lack of intelligence or credibility, either of which weigh against a finding of maturity pursuant to the statute."‘

We'll confess we aren't sure whether that means abortions are only allowed for Honors students, or for C students who don't put on airs about getting a fancy B average.

So let that be a lesson to you, kids- good grades are important because you never know when you might need an abortion. A “B” average would probably have allowed the girl in question to obtain permission, but a “C” average was a bridge too far.

How could someone with only a “C” average be considered “mature enough” to obtain an abortion?

Bottom line: In Floriduh, a judge can deny a teenage girl an abortion if they don’t feel the girl’s grades are up to snuff.

Also, if you'd really like to tear out your hair, Smith also suggested the girl hadn't shown "emotional maturity" because she only contributed basic chores around the house, and had no responsibilities in the care of younger siblings. The appellate judges note rather tartly that "the Petitioner testified that her youngest sibling is thirty. There is no record evidence establishing the existence of a younger family member."

Guys, I don’t know about you, but this makes me damned happy I was born male…and that I don’t live in Floriduh. Sure, I’m gratified that Judge Smith was shown the door by his constituents, who believed he wasn’t following the law and was issuing rulings based on his religious beliefs. But this is the worst and most lingering impact of the Trump Effect. Thankfully, Judge Smith was voted out, but other Arch-Conservative jurists in their lifetime are issuing decisions based more on their political ideology and less on the law. These judges will be impacting our lives for generations to come.

Whatever happened to the “Party of Small Government?” Or was it just about getting government off the backs of wealthy White Conservative Christian heterosexual males?

As if I even need to provide an answer to that.