Scrabble goes "woke"- Because I can't write about boobs every day

The stupid...it's coming for us

Of all the things I could’ve chosen to lose sleep over this week, the game of Scrabble going “woke” wasn’t on my radar. But, sometimes the weird shit comes out of nowhere and grabs you when you don’t expect it, knowhutimean?

During a week when they clearly were at a loss for things to light their farts on fire about, this was the best they could do, courtesy of my newest hero,

Jeff Tiedrich

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Fox News has a brand new complaint: Scrabble has “gone woke.”

you may be asking yourself, what the fuck does that mean? did Greg Gutfeld realize that you can use the tiles to spell out D I V E R S I T Y?

here’s what has ol’ Greggers in a lather: it’s the same game — nothing has changed — but included in the box is an additional set of rules for simplified games, for people who just want to get it the fuck over with faster.

Judge Drunkie was also horrified.

“They have removed certain words,” announced Judge Jeanine. “They banned racist and LGBTQ slurs from the tournaments.”

OH MY GOD THEY BANNED SLURS FROM TOURNAMENTS. welcome to life in Sleepy Brandon’s dsytopian hellscape, Jeanine.

OMFG…so you can’t demean people based on their skin color, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation? Well, at least you still have religion, right?

RIGHT??

it’s a fucking game, you dipshits. you can play it by any rules you want. in the privacy of her own home, Jeanine can still cackle tipsily as she gleefully spells out the n-word.

Good Lord, y’all; THIS is the best you can do? You’re going to raise the idiocy bar to DEFCON 4 and lose your shit because you can’t gratuitously insult people while playing a game?

AYFKM????

Oh, the fucking humanity of it all. It makes me want to juggle razor blades in my bathtub.

Get over yourselves, willya? This world isn’t the property and purview of god, God-fearin’, White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual Patriots like yourself. You don’t own America. Besides, what’s so wrong with showing some respect to others? Are you so put out by the thought of being kind, compassionate, and respectful to those who happen not to be like you?

What is “woke?” At its most basic, it’s about being aware of systemic discrimination and injustice. It’s about recognizing when some folks aren’t being kind, respectful, and/or treating others with dignity. And it’s about recognizing that those situations shouldn’t be allowed to stand.

If you can’t get behind that and you STILL believe that being a good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual Patriot means the world is YOURS…well, you suck being a human being.

And that’s a “you” problem, my friend.

No, what you’re looking at isn’t a shot from the sex dungeon of Sen. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY)…and you wondered how he maintained that youthful glow, yeah?

Well, the secret’s out, boys.

Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself here. Or perhaps not.

Republicans have been suffering from some seriously self-inflected bad PR of late. Y’all know about South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (R), who wrote a book in which she included a story about executing a dog and, well, you know the details. As might be imagined, I don’t want to rehash them.

One episode that didn’t get much press in the hoo-hah over Kristi Noem's dog execution (“I can do the hard jobs!”) comes from Oklahoma, where Republicans want to be able to spank disabled kids for Jesus.

Oh, ferchrissakes. Seriously?

Yes, Virginia, seriously. Most of the American Taliban was hatched sans a sense of humor.

Republicans have been on a real a hot streak lately when it comes to admitting things that no normal human being should do or, if they do, admit out loud. You know, things like “shooting a puppy in the face.”

As such, several Oklahoma Republicans spent some time this week pleading with their fellow legislators to not pass a bill that would ban teachers and other school officials from hitting children with disabilities.

Yes, the same state that banned teaching students about racism because it might cause white students “discomfort,” that has over 50 bills targeting LGBTQ+ people, most of which imply they are trying to sexually “groom” children, still has corporal punishment at its public schools. Like, instead of getting detention, your teacher or principal can spank you. On your butt.

No shit? Are we back in 1970s northern Minnesota when I was in school, and teachers could spank students? It wasn’t right then, and it’s even less morally correct today. Adults striking children as a means of disciplining them is reprehensible. I realize that someone adults get off on that crap, but fear as a motivator sends nothing but wrong messages.

I grew up living with a father who used that sort of fear, and he beat me frequently; I can still remember how the sound of his leather belt being pulled out of his belt loops could loosen my sphincter. The sour, acidic dread in the pit of my stomach hovered a mere notch or two above losing control of my bowels as Dad bent me over a chair, my bare ass pointing toward ceiling as he gave me his best “this hurts me more than it does you” lecture.

Fuck you, Dad. How’ bout we trade places for once?

No one stood up for me then…but I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand by quietly while pseudo-Christian sub-humans like John Talley and Anthony Moore put the state of Oklahoma’s imprimatur on beating children in the name of discipline and Jesus Christ.

[Talley and Moore,] whom were rather taken aback when it initially failed last year, having been under the impression that “not beating children with disabilities” was something everyone could get behind. What fools!

Via Tulsa World:

“I told (Talley) I would co-author this bill with him, that this would be an easy bill to carry because there’s going to be nobody who’s for corporal punishment on students with disabilities,” said Rep. Anthony Moore, R-Clinton. “Apparently I was wrong.

“I could talk at great length about what ‘the rod’ means in the Bible,” said Moore, a former prosecutor. “I could talk at great length about the data that could fill this room about the fact that corporal punishment on children with disabilities is a poor decision.”

As it turns out, many Oklahoma Republicans definitely love the idea of schools beating children, including those with disabilities. Why? Because the Bible tells them so and they don’t need any reason other than that.

The bill’s primary opponent is Rep. Jim Olsen, whom we last heard from in December, back when he was trying to plaster the Ten Commandments all over public schools. In fact, we brought up his opposition to this bill when it came up last year as evidence of his extremism. Who would have known he’d have so many on his side?

Wow…here’s going out on a limb: “[C]orporal punishment on children with disabilities is a poor decision.” How is beating a disabled (or any) child supposed to improve behavioral and educational outcomes? How can a child be expected to learn in an atmosphere dominated by fear?

The short version is, of course, that leaning can’t take place in that sort of environment. Teachers should not be beating children- period, end of story.

And you’d think that salient argument would be enough to convince reasonable, rational people (including Christians) to leave corporal punishment in the dustbin of history, where it rightfully belongs.

Then again, this is Oklahoma we’re talking about, where reasoned, rational thought is too often deprived of oxygen and choked out by good, God-fearin’, White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual Patriots.

Hey, if you can’t put up the Ten Commandments all over Oklahoma’s public schools, you might as well beat kids in the name of Jesus, eh?

One of the things I truly love (and by “love,” I mean despise with every fiber of my being) is that redneck Christians, left to their own devices, will conjure up all manner of creative justifications for their un-Christian Christianity, to wit:

Transcript via Friendly Atheist:

I already cited Proverbs 13:24: “Whoever spares the rod hates their child, but he who loves them disciplines them.” And we're saying the state of Oklahoma has unilaterally decided if you have vision impairment, you cannot be disciplined, even if your parents want that. We're going to unilaterally take that away from our schools and our parents, more importantly. If you are hearing impaired, suddenly you're in a different class, you cannot be disciplined. And we've already made it abundantly clear that children can misbehave regardless of their abilities or inabilities, capabilities or incapabilities. … Are we sending a message that we don't love our children?

No one ever said that children cannot be disciplined, just that there are nonviolent means of accomplishing that — means that are far more effective and less likely to cause lasting trauma than hitting, at least according to approximately 80,000 studies on the subject.

I’ll freely admit that my own experience with physical abuse- that’s what corporal punishment is and what my father did to me- has left me as perhaps not the most objective person on this subject. Then again, objectivity isn’t a requirement to understand that beating children, whether disabled or not, is a sign of abject weakness and cruelty.

If you can’t teach or raise children without beating them and thus convincing them to fear and hate you, then you suck as an educator, parent and/or a human being and you have no business being any of the above.

Sometimes, I wish could go back to writing about boobs every day.

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