So God made Trump...build an empire of lies
If you believe God gave us Donald Trump, it's time you removed your anterior from your posterior and found a better deity
You got no business coming in here and playing the asshole.’
‘I am an asshole, Sully. We haven’t even scraped the surface yet.’
Daniel Polansky, She Who Waits
Those of you who grew up in the Midwest as I did are probably familiar with the late Conservative radio personality Paul Harvey. My Dad listened to him on the radio, and He enjoyed Harvey’s folksy charm and pregnant pauses at the end of his broadcasts. For me, Harvey’s voice was synonymous with growing up in the Midwest; hardly a day went by when I didn’t hear him philosophizing about something.
One of Donald Trump’s deluded followers made a video (you can see it here) using Harvey’s “So God Made a Farmer” speech from 1978 (which I’ve heard many times) as a framework for praising Orange Jesus as a God-like being. (Caution: It may leave you wanting to vomit.)
And on June 14, 1946, God looked down on His planned paradise and said, “I need a caretaker.” So God gave us Trump.
God said, “I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, fix this country, work all day, fight the Marxists, eat supper, then go to the Oval Office and stay past midnight at a meeting of the heads of state.” So God made Trump.
“I need somebody with arms strong enough to rustle the deep state and yet gentle enough to deliver his own grandchild. Somebody to ruffle the feathers, tame the cantankerous World Economic Forum, come home hungry, have to wait until the First Lady is done with lunch with friends, then tell the ladies to be sure and come back real soon—and mean it.” So God gave us Trump.
“I need somebody who can shape an ax but wield a sword, who had the courage to step foot in North Korea, who can make money from the tar of the sand, turn liquid to gold, who understands the difference between tariffs and inflation, will finish his 40-hour week by Tuesday noon but then put in another 72 hours.” So God made Trump.
God had to have somebody willing to go into the den of vipers, call out the fake news for their tongues as sharp as a serpent's—the poison of vipers is on their lips—and yet stop. So God made Trump. '
God said, “I need somebody who will be strong and courageous, who will not be afraid or terrified of the wolves when they attack. A man who cares for the flock, a shepherd to mankind, who won't ever leave nor forsake them. I need the most diligent worker to follow the path and remain strong in faith and know the belief of God and country. Somebody who's willing to drill, bring back manufacturing and American jobs, farm the lands, secure our borders, build our military, fight the system all day, and finish a hard week's work by attending church on Sunday.”
And then his oldest son turns and says, “Dad, let's make America great again. Dad, let's build back a country to be the envy of the world again.”
So God made Trump.
“Finish a hard week’s work by attending church on Sunday?” When has Mango Mussolini ever attended church on ANY day that didn’t involve a funeral?
That there’s nothing remotely true about anything in the video is unsurprising. The degree of sycophancy and saccharine hero worship is sickening and utterly delusional. It’s the most sickening piece of false hero worship I’ve seen in quite some time.
Even worse, it’s a rip-off of a Ron DeSantis ad based on the same Paul Harvey speech.
When the DeSantis team used that speech for his 2022 re-election campaign, they took the script, changed “farmer” to “fighter,” modified the rest of the script accordingly, and painted the conservative culture warrior as if he were some kind of American savior.
This ad doesn’t even bother to stick to the original. It co-opts the format while making shit up to appease the sort of ignorant white evangelicals and conservative Catholics who fall for anything. (The irony is that if Joe Biden released a similar ad, every white evangelical pastor and FOX anchor would be screaming about blasphemy.)
The ad is a series of lies.
To call it “a series of lies” is to be overly charitable. It’s a hopelessly sloppy, wet, sycophantic kiss dedicated to a wannabe dictator. The tone and tenor of the video are what one might expect of a North Korean government documentary chronicling the “achievements” of Kim Jong-un.
“A shepherd to Mankind…?” Seriously?
Good Lord, y’all; the only thing missing from the video is someone showing up at the end with a pair of kneepads and a tube of lipstick. Yeah, it’s that gross.
And the distortions and outright lies would be entertaining if the video didn’t take itself so seriously.
Trump isn’t a “caretaker.” He botched the response to COVID in significant ways, and his promotion of hydro may have helped kill 17,000 people. Of all the ways you can describe Trump, family man will never make the cut.
He doesn’t “work all day.” He didn’t when he was president, either, taking numerous vacations while lining his own pockets and filling up his schedule with “unstructured Executive Time.”
If he delivered his own grandchild, there’s no record of it. It’s also a ridiculous claim since Trump is famously germaphobic.
Trump? A caretaker?? That’s rich. One reliable estimate I’ve seen holds him responsible for 750,000 COVID-19 deaths in the US alone. More like an undertaker, don’tchathink?? That’s genocide, not caretaking.
As for “work all day,” the man who said he’d be “too busy to play golf” played golf more than he worked. “Working hard” had never been part of the Trump vernacular.
And “delivering his own grandchild?” WTF is that about? The next thing we know, they’ll tell us that he was stranded with his family in a sand trap on the 15th hole at one of his properties during a snowstorm with one of his pregnant daughters. When she went into labor and conditions were too bad for his helicopter to fly, one of his butlers went back to the clubhouse for hot water and towels.
Trump then delivered a healthy baby boy and ran five miles to the nearest hospital while cradling the baby in his arms.
Of course, as we all know, Trump couldn’t run five yards if he had to hit the toilet after a trip to a Taco Bell.
He praises North Korea. He can’t turn liquid to gold because he’s famously a con artist. And he sure as hell never ends his week “by attending church on Sunday.” While Biden attends regularly, Trump almost never did, and when he showed up, it was often for a photo-op, campaign rally, or funeral.
The idea that Trump is a devout man of faith is a farce. He’s a sexual abuser. He’s the Two Corinthians guy. He’s the guy who said he doesn’t need forgiveness. He couldn’t name his favorite Bible verse. He held up a Bible in front of a church after his team used tear gas to drive away peaceful protesters.
As I’ve said before, not a single white evangelical church in America would ever allow Trump to be their pastor if they wanted to be taken seriously. And yet more than half of Republican voters (a good chunk of whom would describe themselves as conservative Christians) seriously believe Trump is a person of faith.
If Donald “Two Corinthians” Trump is a man of faith, I’m Stormy Daniels. He pays for sex, which is probably the only way he can get it anymore. He held up a Bible upside down in front of a church. And he wouldn’t know what to do inside a church if you spotted him two altar boys and a priest.
The ad Trump shared was made by the “Dilley 300 Meme Team,” which is run by MAGA cultist Brenden Dilley. In 2019, Dilley openly declared his strategy in a livestream: “It doesn’t have to be true; it just has to go viral.”
That strategy hasn’t changed in the years since because it still works. MAGA cultists believe every lie they’re fed no matter how ludicrous. (After Democratic activist Ron Filipkowski shared the Trump video and correctly pointed out it was a “ripoff” of the DeSantis ad, Dilley responded by saying “None of what you just said is true.” Even though it’s 100% accurate.)
Dilley, of course, can say that because lying is his signature move. He’s never cared about the truth; all he’s ever cared about is the effectiveness of his videos. Are they accepted as true? Nothing else matters to him, so he creates truth on the fly.
The more convincing you are when spreading these lies, the more likely it is that gullible followers will believe you. It works on the FOX crowd. It works in megachurches. It works in multi-level marketing scams. It’s works when spreading pseudo-science. And it’s why actual journalists are having such a hard time breaking through against bad-faith actors who don’t give a damn what the evidence reveals.
Even if this video doesn’t spread beyond Trump’s social media, it’s likely not the last time we’ll see Trump depicted as a Messiah, sent by God to prevent the (false) persecution of Christians. No amount of criminal convictions, fascist rhetoric, or stream-of-consciousness ramblings will change that.
A God who gave us Trump isn’t a God worth worshiping.
And just as a God who gave us Trump isn’t worth worshiping, neither is a God who gave us a world in which truth is fungible and can be manipulated by those who care nothing for what’s real.
The fact is that “It doesn’t have to be real; it just has to go viral” is more or less the raison d’etre of today’s GOP. Truth can be manufactured to fit the prevailing desired narrative and manipulated as circumstances require.
When you see yourself as a persecuted majority, you can create a truth that always serves your purpose and can never be questioned. It can morph into whatever form and function is needed to support your cause. That’s the beauty of well-constructed propaganda.
One of the comments on this post summed up the hypocrisy of the “God gave us Donald Trump” crowd:
God may have given us Donald Trump, but then again he also gave us schizophrenia, muscular dystrophy, cancer, ingrown toenails, male pattern baldness, and a thousand other diseases we could do without. So, what's their point? They have no point of course. They are simply making excuses for the indefensible. Few things ever better demonstrated the disconnect between religion and morality quite like the evangelicals pledging their unconditional love for Donald Trump.
Yes, Evangelicals are to Christianity what Pee Wee Herman was to keeping his pants buttoned in a movie theater.
I never dreamed that in my lifetime, I’d see an American Presidential candidate resort to Nazi tactics to win the Presidency so that he could destroy democracy and install himself as a dictator.
It’s sad and tremendously disappointing that such a charlatan has thoroughly duped so many millions of my fellow citizens. In 2020, more than 72 MILLION people voted for Donald Trump, a staggering number that still defies explanation. How could so many be so fucking stupid and gullible? How could so many value the future of their country so lightly?
And how is it that four years later, we’re about to do it all over again…and it appears the threat to our democracy may be even greater this time around?
No, God didn’t give us Trump…and any “God” who would do something so heinous is no deity worth worshiping.
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