The Gospel According to Annie Oakley
Or, "If only Jesus had possessed a few AR-15s"
If there’s one person I wouldn't want teaching my Sunday School class (though I can’t imagine why I’d ever be IN a Sunday School class), it would be Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO). As the freshman Congresswoman has amply demonstrated during her first term, there are many descriptors one might reasonably use to describe her. Hypocrite. Ignoramus. Dumbass. Moral black hole. I could go on, but you can probably smell what I’m cooking.
The one word I would never use to describe Rep. Boebert is “Christian.” Her theology is wildly hypocritical and self-serving and has almost nothing to do with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Colorado Congresswoman Lauren Boebert was a guest speaker at Charis Christian Center's "Family Camp Meeting 2022," held from June 8-12, and used said platform to bastardize her own religion. Boebert, despite whatever her religion says about false idols, has a co-equal deity: Guns. More specifically, in this instance, the AR-15 that has been used in mass shootings in Uvalde, Texas, Buffalo, New York, and many more.
Lauren Boebert: Bad at paying taxes, bad at paying employees, bad at cooking food, bad at Bible!
In this section of her speech, she spoke about "cancel culture" (removing all meaning from that phrase) and how AR-15s can't be blamed for mass shootings[.]
This is hardly the first time that Rep. Boebert has made the case that her Bible heroes had been “canceled.” It does, however, appear to be a new low for her in that it’s the first time she’s woven her gun fetish into her Right-wing fantasy to produce something truly and intensely stupid beyond words.
There are no words to describe the depths to which she’s sunk, though I’ll give it a try.
Of course, Cain used a rock to kill a single person, whereas an AR-15 can fire multiple rounds per minute at a rapid clip.
If you wanted to kill multiple people at the time the Second Amendment was written, you either needed as many shooters as possible or victims who refused to move out of the way, since it took an average of 20-30 seconds per shot as the 18th century muzzleloader required 12 steps to load and fire. That's just one of the reasons — "well-regulated militia" being another — why every argument regarding "the Founding Fathers' intentions" since District of Columbia v. Heller has been a bad faith misreading of the history and context of it.
But Boebert saved the best for last when she used Homer Simpson's logic to argue why Jesus could have used an AR-15.
Yes, she argued that Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, could have benefited from having an AR-15.
Welcome to today’s “WTF??” moment, eh?
“Well, he didn’t have enough [AR-15s] to keep his government from killing him.”
Right. If only Jesus had possessed an AR-15. He could’ve laid waste to the Pharisees and the Romans and…well, pretty much everyone, don’tchathink?
Yeah, and if only Jesus and his disciples had enjoyed the benefits of the 2nd Amendment. Then, they could’ve armed themselves to the teeth and been ready to defend themselves from anyone and anything.
Of course, that would’ve run counter to the whole salvation story, wouldn’t it? Jesus wouldn’t have had to die for anyone’s sins if He and His disciples had been holed up in a manger defending themselves from attacking hordes of Romans and Pharisees.
Things would’ve been a whole lot different, don’tchathink? In fact, it might’ve looked a lot like this. (Caution: possible bloodshed and awful dance moves).
Since Cain didn’t kill Abel with an AR-15, there’s no way we can blame guns for mass shootings. Perhaps they had violent video games in the Garden of Eden? Or maybe Cain didn’t get enough hugs from his mother? Whatever the case, it wasn’t because of guns.
I’m not sure I can find the words to adequately describe how incredibly dense Rep. Boebert is in this respect. There’s no credible way to relate the story of the Crucifixion to that of modern weapons of war. And yet Rep. Boebert and those in her audience swallowed her argument as if she was delivering a Nobel Peace Prize lecture.
Yeah, that’ll be the day….
What semi-automatic rifle would Jesus fire??
Boebert et al never got the philosophical framework of Christianity. The savior got the job of being the last human sacrifice, giving up his own life to save others. The 'prosperity gospel' leaders make someone else sacrifice so they can be rich.
"an AR-15 can fire multiple rounds per minute at a rapid clip." -- That statement wildly understates matters. Even without "enhancements" like a bump-stock, provided your finger doesn't cramp up you can easily empty a 40-round magazine in 30 seconds or less.