The (Not So) Subtle Art Of Not Giving a F**k
What if you just did what you do because you do what you can?
So what if you suck? So what if everyone thinks you’re a talentless hack, delusional, a clown? Who even gets to decide these things? Flawed, biased humans, book reviewers, dance aficionados—people who may very well be, taken on the aggregate, a bunch of bitter wannabes.
Are they creating? No.
Are you creating? I sure hope so.
Are these detractors (whose opinions you fear) people you actually like and respect? We’re so busy tap dancing, we forget to ask ourselves whether we approve of the disapprovers.
Am I creating? Youbetcha. It’s what I do…but it ain’t always easy.
There's a lot of self-talk to manage for those of us creative types who spend a lot of time in our heads. And seldom is this self-talk positive. No, it’s called the “inner critic” for a good reason, and it very often sounds something like this:
“WHAT IF IT SUCKS???”
Whether you paint, sculpt, make music, cook, write, or engage in any other creative endeavor, part of the process is getting over your inner critic. Sometimes it can be paralyzing, and sometimes it can be a healthy voice of caution. Whatever it is, it helps to know how to manage it. Or to beat it into submission. Sometimes it just can’t take a hint.
I can only share what works for me, but I’ve also been fortunate to have friends and supporters who recognize my skill and talent and have propped me up over the years. That’s helped me recognize and understand one fundamental fact- I’m a good writer. It’s the one thing in my life that I’m unshakeably confident of. When I pick up my guitar, I’m confident but not nearly as certain. But, when I sit down at my laptop, I KNOW that I can create something worth reading. I string together coherent, readable sentences. It’s what I do, and I’m grateful for it.
I was fortunate enough to be blessed with the ability to write as I breathe. Writing has always been very easy for me- stream of consciousness on speed. My only problem is that sometimes my fingers have trouble keeping up with my brain. It’s a good problem to have, but I’m an editor’s nightmare.
I’m not immune from struggling with my inner critic, though. It’s the voice that screams, “WHAT IF IT SUCKS???” as I tap away at my keyboard. It’s why I obsess over an essay before I release it into the world. Even though I’m confident of my abilities, I still chase perfection even as I recognize the futility.
Andy Warhol had a perfect response to those who worried about suckage: “SO WHAT?” So what if something sucks donkey balls? No matter what you do or how well you might do it, there will be someone out there ready, willing, and able to take a shit on it if given half a chance. There will also be those who will see the same piece of work through the rose-colored glasses of unalloyed brilliance. They’re probably both right. And way wrong.
The beautiful thing is that opinions carry only as much weight and relevance as you grant them. If someone doesn’t like a piece that I wrote…well, SO WHAT? If someone does like it…well, I’m not going to say SO WHAT??, but I’m also not going to let it alter what I do or how I do it. The fact is that I write for myself. I hope readers will like and enjoy what I have to say and find it relevant and worthwhile. Nevertheless, I also know I’m not going to please 100% of the people 100% of the time.
There was a time when I wasn’t so confident of my abilities. I wasn’t always so laissez-faire about the opinions of others about my writing. It took a long time, a lot of positive feedback, and a lot of counseling to recognize that I had something to offer the world. I’m not going to cure cancer, split atoms, improve on an Eddie van Halen guitar solo, or invent a better tiramisu. But, if I can convince people to think about something different, or think at all, then I guess I’ve done a good thing.
I may be in the eyes of some “a talentless hack, delusional, a clown”…but we all know what opinions are like, no? Indeed we do; everyone has one. I don’t expect to be everyone’s cup of tea.
It’s true; I may be a deeply flawed and imperfect human being…but I’m also a creative one, which means I spend WAY too much time in my head. Unfortunately, it also means that I’m on a first-name basis with most of my demons. Yes, we go WAY back. Thankfully, I’ve found a way to keep them at bay so I can do what I need to do to write and create things that I think are important.
I do this hoping that someone will recognize my artistic brilliance and offer me a multi-book contract that will allow me to support my family. Well, that’s the dream. The truth is that with the publishing world being what it is these days, it will probably never happen. That sad reality won’t keep me from writing, though. I suspect that the day will come when they’ll have to pry my laptop from my cold, dead fingers. Until then, I’ll do what I do…’cuz it’s what I do and I can’t imagine NOT doing it.
I’ve already achieved one dream- writing and publishing a book- although I haven’t looked at the book in months. When people ask me about it, more often than not, I can’t even remember the title- “American Evolution” (and, yes, it’s still available on Amazon). Yet, for some odd reason, I keep wanting to call it “American Exorcism.” I don’t look back at what I’ve done previously, which means I remember the book, if not much of what’s in it.
I’m currently working on my next book, a collection of essays from my previous blog of 20 years, and this site. I hope to be able to publish that next summer, but we’ll see what happens. I’ll begin working on it in earnest next month, and hopefully I’ll have a better idea of what I’m getting into then.
Then I’ll try to figure out how to monetize this site…and this is where I’m going to need help from y’all. I need to be able to spread the word, but I suck at self-promotion. I’m a writer, not a marketer.
If you know people who you think might enjoy North Stars and Cowboy Bars, please spread the word. As with any pursuit, positive word of mouth is the best advertising.
BUT WHAT IF IT SUCKS??
SO WHAT??
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