The Quickest Route To Celebrity In Conservative White America?
Murder Liberals with an AR-15
Kyle Rittenhouse got away with murder. Wait, let’s rephrase that so the lawyers don’t go crazy: Kyle Rittenhouse fatally shot two people, permanently injured a third, and a jury acquitted him of all charges. He’s a free man, but instead of celebrating his good fortune on the nation’s finest golf courses, all he can do is complain.
A grumpy Rittenhouse appeared on Tucker Carlson’s "Young Vigilante Showcase" Monday and declared his plans to launch a charitable foundation to assist the small business owners in Kenosha, Wisconsin, he was so eager to violently defend. No, just kidding. He’s starting something called the “Media Accountability Project.” He’s not 17 anymore and will now assault his enemies with go-nowhere nuisance suits. Considering his established pattern of resolving conflict, this is arguably an improvement.
In a normal, rational world, Kyle Rittenhouse would’ve already had his 15 minutes and been long since been consigned to making appearances on low-brow dreck like “Dancing With the Stars” to support his celebrity habit. But, this being a decidedly not normal or rational world, he has Fox News ready, willing, and able to hold him up for worship by the adoring throng of Joe and Ethel Sixpacks.
Many an angry White, middle-American Conservative think Rittenhouse sits at the right hand of God…er, Tucker Carlson. So when Carlson had Rittenhouse on his show, it was time for some serious hero-worship…and Rittenhouse played his role as the misunderstood hero perfectly. Not bad for a kid who probably couldn’t get laid if his life depended on it.
(Who’s responsible for dressing the poor kid? Why does he look he an inept enforcer from The Sopranos on every television appearance?)
As a frequent Fox News guest, Rittenhouse might have trouble identifying a legitimate news organization, but politicians, athletes, celebrities, and Whoopi Goldberg aren’t news organizations. Rittenhouse is upset that Goldberg referred to him as a murderer after he was acquitted. Technically, he's only admitted to double homicide. (“Double homicider” doesn’t quite have the same ring as “murderer.”) There’s a legal distinction, sure, but good luck proving that Goldberg understands it and thus knowingly defamed him on-air rather than correctly observing he’d killed two people.
This is an obvious cash grab, but it’s nonetheless amusing to see Rittenhouse whine about media accountability while on Tucker Carlson’s Fox News program. That Fox News still exists and Carlson himself isn’t wearing a big barrel held up by suspenders after personally losing multiple lawsuits should demonstrate how difficult it is to successfully sue people for defamation. Sarah Palin sued the New York Times and all she had to show for it was a potential COVID-19 outbreak.
Yes, Kyle Rittenhouse is a murderer. There’s no other word for what he did in Kenosha, Wisconsin, on that terrible summer night. Rittenhouse murdered two people who posed no threat while he played armed vigilante. That he got off was merely a function of how the law is written, not because he was innocent. He shot and killed two people; that is the fact of the matter. That he was able to claim self-defense is a travesty of law.
And, yes, sometimes the law is an ass.
Of course, Conservatives excel at monetizing grievances, and Rittenhouse is merely taking a page out of that playbook. He has no case, but sometimes nuisance lawsuits yield unwarranted settlements, so Rittenhouse may yet get a payday.
I sincerely hope that legal fees will consume every farthing of any undeserved settlement he might receive.
Rittenhouse is also offended that people have called him a “white supremacist,” but that’s hardly damaged his reputation in rightwing circles. He was offered congressional internships and received a standing ovation at last year’s Conservative Political Action Conference. It’s more career-derailing to claim he was the lead in the Dear Evan Hansen movie.
Former MSNBC anchor David Shuster tweeted: "The courts have long established that calling somebody a “murderer” is an opinion + a legal right, even after the person is found 'not guilty.’ At that point, one can still call them a murderer, just not a 'convicted murderer.' Nobody has called Rittenhouse that. He has no case.”
When the spoiled baby double killer threatened to sue President Joe Biden last year for defamation, University of Michigan law professor Barbara McQuade, a former US attorney, said, “By inserting himself into the civil unrest in Kenosha, Rittenhouse voluntarily became a limited purpose public figure, which subjects defamation claims against him to the actual malice standard.”
Rittenhouse sounds like a spoiled child who resents being held accountable in the court of public opinion. Unfortunately, as a public figure, the legal options available to him are few. His anger and desire to get his pound of flesh from someone’s wallet are going to run up against the 1st Amendment…and guess which one’s going to prevail?
Here’s a hint: It won’t be the spoiled 18-year-old murderer.
There’s another way to look at this: How much lower can Kyle Rittenhouse go? If you murder two innocent people when you’re 17, what are you going to do when you’re 30? 40? 50? If you’ve shown yourself willing to profit off your criminal immorality as a minor, you’re not exactly setting yourself up for success as an adult, are you?
All of this silliness begs another question: Isn’t there a parent (or at least a mature adult) or two to offer guidance to the poor, misguided, and unreasonably entitled man-child?? Shouldn’t someone be telling him that the best thing to do when you’ve murdered two people- AND BEEN ACQUITTED- is to lay low and not attract attention?
Instead, Rittenhouse is a frequent Fox News guest who’s trying to monetize his abject awfulness by suing celebrities and “news organizations” for maligning his sterling, unassailable character. How dare ANYONE call him a murderer? He was acquitted…and besides, it was self-defense.
Right. Rittenhouse was acquitted because the law’s an ass. And it was self-defense in the same way I’m Donna Summer. But for how the law is written in Wisconsin, Rittenhouse should be doing hard time in the Badger State. Instead, he’s on the “Petty Grievances 2022 Tour” in the hope of monetizing his status as a Conservative White 2nd Amendment hero.
Kyle Rittenhouse is nothing more than a common, garden-variety murderer who was compensating for his shortcomings on that night in Kenosha. He should be behind bars, not chatting up Tucker Carlson.
Then again, being a White Conservative in America means never having to say you’re sorry- or worry about being held responsible for your actions.