There are Republican assholes...and then there are Texas Republican assholes

Texas AG Ken Paxton takes Republican assholery to new heights...or depths, depending upon your perspective

It takes a lot to stand out among the assholes in the Texas GOP. When your competition is Gov. Greg Abbott and Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, both of whom are hypocritical, self-professed Christians who’d back over their wives and families if there were a political advantage to be had, you’re up against it.

Then again, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has never been one to back down from a challenge, and when it comes to proving who’s the biggest asshole in the Texas GOP, Ken Paxton has always been the choice of the smart money.

Not only is Paxton as corrupt and sleazy as the day is long, but he is, as the Texas-ism goes, “all hate and no cattle.” His principles, such as they are, extend no further than doing whatever it takes to slime his way up the political ladder.

Now Paxton is showing another side of his hard-heated, self-absorbed assholery by suing Harris County, where Houston is located, for undertaking a pilot basic income program intended to combat poverty.

Because you know what helps defeat poverty? THROWING MONEY AT IT!!

Oh, the humanity….

‘Cuz, like any good White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual patriotic Texan, Ken Paxton HATES the poors with the passion of a thousand burning suns. And because EVERYTHING’S bigger in the Lone Star State, there are many of them for him to despise.

It’s not as if this is the first time a universal basic income scheme has been tried, but it’s the first time Paxton has had the opportunity to piss in the sandbox over such a plan.

When you’re a dick, you’re a dick, knowhutimean?

There’s petty, and then there’s petty.

Last year, Harris County Judge Lina Hidalgo (basically Houston’s county mayor) announced plans for a guaranteed income pilot program that would provide a randomly selected group of 1,928 eligible low-income residents with $500, no strings attached, guaranteed income every month for 18 months. It’s nothing new. Cities and counties across the US and even across Texas have been implementing these pilot programs for the last few years with great success — showing that “just throwing money at it” is, in fact, a great way to handle the problem of poverty.

The program is funded by $20.5 million from the American Rescue Plan, not any Texas tax dollars.

But Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton isn’t having any of it. This week, he announced that he was actually going to sue Harris County over the program, which he claims violates the Texas constitution.

Damn, y’all; that IS petty. Then again, this is Ken Paxton we’re talking about- a man with all the compassion, love, and kindness of a ‘96 Ford F-150 with bald tires and a busted muffler.

No, wait, that was the truck I left behind in Texas.

Of course, claiming something is “unconstitutional” in Texas is the Republican state sport. Anyone can do it and get away with it unless you have a decent lawyer on your side.

He claims:

The Texas Constitution expressly forbids “any county, city, town or other political corporation or subdivision of the State … to grant public money or thing of value in aid of, or to any individual.” Harris County’s program to give public money away with no conditions, no control over expenditure of that money, and no guarantee of public benefit is prohibited. The Constitution also provides that everyone has “equal rights, and no man, or set of men, is entitled to exclusive separate public emoluments.” This lottery-based handout violates the Texas Constitution because the selection of recipients is inherently arbitrary. County governments have limited authority to act and, like all governments, can only act in accordance with the Constitution. Harris County has exceeded that authority. 

Here, in full, is the part of the Texas constitution that Mean Old Miser Paxton claims the program violates:

The Legislature shall have no power to make any grant or authorize the making of any grant of public moneys to any individual, association of individuals, municipal or other corporations whatsoever; provided that the provisions of this Section shall not be construed so as to prevent the grant of aid in cases of public calamity.

Well, Harris County is not “the Legislature” and this is quite clearly “the grant of aid in cases of public calamity” — for those who would consider poverty a calamity.

The money for the pilot program isn’t even coming from anywhere in Texas; it’s from President Biden’s American Rescue Plan. So, what dog does Paxton have in this fight? The Texas Constitution wouldn’t seem to apply in this case, but I’m not an attorney, so I’m not about to tie myself in rhetorical knots.

More than anything, this seems like an opportunity for Ken Paxton (a self-professed “Christian,” after all) to display a unique degree of gratuitous cruelty toward a community that doesn’t vote Democratic. So, where’s the downside for him?

Hey, it’s what Republican Jesus would do, yeah??

Guaranteed income pilot programs are Republicans’ worst nightmare. Not because they don’t work, as some often say “just throwing money at a problem” does not, but because they do. And the fact that they work upends just about every criticism they’ve ever had about any program designed to help the poor. There is low administrative cost so they actually cost less than traditional welfare programs and studies show that when you give people money with no strings attached, they spend it wisely — not on booze and drugs as conservatives would like to believe. Not only that, those who participate in the pilot programs are actually more likely to find work than those who do not.

You see, it’s not just that the Right doesn’t want to help the poor, but that they are wholly reliant on perpetuating the fiction that people are poor because they are lazy and sinful. It is that belief, along with the belief that the only real way to help people is to do nothing and let them hit rock bottom, that makes it possible for people to tolerate income inequality, tax cuts for billionaires and millionaires, price gouging, corporate welfare, or even just walking down the street and seeing unhoused people sitting on the sidewalks.

Paxton is upset that Judge Lina Hidalgo, a Democrat, is piloting a universal basic income program that has been successful in other places. Republicans in Houston and statewide HATE Hidalgo because she’s trying to do something about poverty in Harris County. Republicans are dependent on those who make their fortunes from income inequality and the misery and misfortune of those at the lower end of the socioeconomic food chain.

They hate that Hidalgo is young (early 30s), female, Progressive, and willing to push back against Republican authority in a red state. What Republicans particularly hate is that Houston and Harris Country represent a blue haven in a red state that’s beginning to lean increasingly purple.

If you believe God’s a Republican, as the Texas GOP is firmly convinced, then the thought of Texas once again becoming a blue state has to be like contemplating a gazpacho enema.

In a press conference on Wednesday, Judge Hidalgo responded to the announcement, calling it "cruel" and "unscrupulous," and noted that Paxton even waited until people had been notified that they had been selected as participants to try to shut it down. I guess now he can check “taking food right out people’s mouths” off on his bucket list.

Unfortunately, it’s highly unlikely that the very conservative Texas Supreme Court will see things that way, particularly considering that Justice John Devine appears to have a vendetta against Houston and Harris County in particular.

It would be lovely if he and the other justices could put that and partisan politics aside for a moment in order to see that this program in no way violates the Texas constitution or any other laws for that matter, but we’re not going to hold our breath.

Considering that the power structure in Texas outside of Dallas, Austin, and Houston is still blindingly red, not holding your breath might be a wise course of action. The Texas Supreme Court has never been renowned for its open-minded Liberalism, so Paxton’s hatred of the poors might get a favorable hearing.

But wouldn’t it be nice if someone with an (R) behind their name could look at Judge Hidalgo’s pilot program with an appreciation for its humanitarian value and apolitical nature? This program is about lifting people up, not hauling them to polling places and telling them to vote for Democrats. It’s about giving them a hand UP, not a hand OUT.

Paxton hates the idea that money is going to help those who aren’t White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual Patriots like himself.

How very Christian of him. Republican Jesus must be fairly beaming with pride.

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