This Just In- Alex Jones Is A Horrible Person
I realize this may come as a shock to some of you....
In late-breaking news, shock jock and screaming asshole Alex Jones has been ordered to pay $965 million in damages to the families of the victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook massacre.
And a grateful nation rose as one and shrieked:
The news that a jury had ordered notorious disinformation peddler Alex Jones to pay nearly $1 billion to several family members of those killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting had a big effect on Twitter users.
On Wednesday, a Connecticut jury ruled that Jones must pay $965 million to families affected by his false claim that the massacre of 20 children and six adults never happened.
Although it could be a while before the plaintiffs see any of the money, many Twitter users decided to cash in on the one asset guaranteed by the verdict: “schadenfreude,” the delightfully descriptive German word that means finding joy in others’ misfortunes.
And Twitter users were happy to express joy at where Jones’ perfectly avoidable situation had taken him.
And, if you know me at all, you know that I LOVES ME SOME SCHADENFREUDE. It’s my favorite word in the English language…except it’s not really IN the English language. I think we stole it from the Germans, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to give it back. “Schadenfreude” has no direct English translation, but the loose translation is “taking pleasure from the misfortune of others.” Or maybe it’s, “Putting Donald Trump behind bars and throwing away the key.”
I can never remember.
And let me tell you, I’m all about taking pleasure from the misfortune of Alex Jones. Especially since this wound is wholly self-inflicted. This wouldn't have happened if Jones weren’t such a flaming asshole. Instead, he subjected 26 families to outrageous pain and suffering. I’m not sure that $965 million is enough to heal the wounds he ripped open and repeatedly salted, but it’s something.
The news that a jury had ordered notorious disinformation peddler Alex Jones to pay nearly $1 billion to several family members of those killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting had a big effect on Twitter users.
On Wednesday, a Connecticut jury ruled that Jones must pay $965 million to families affected by his false claim that the massacre of 20 children and six adults never happened.
And it wasn’t just Jones’ “false claim.” It was what that claim, repeated over several years, and the response (which I won’t dignify by addressing here) it generated from his followers. As a result, several families had to move numerous times for their protection, even as they grieved their loss.
Calling Alex Jones an “asshole” doesn’t begin to do justice to the breadth and depth of his depravity.
Fortunately, the Twitterati had no issue picking Jones’ carcass clean, and some enjoyed the work immensely. Unfortunately, I couldn’t join in since I was banned from Twitter a few months ago, but I could appreciate the artistry.
Of course, there’s still the question of how anyone will get the $965 million out of of Jones’ hide, and it doesn’t sound as if he’s predisposed to being cooperative.
He’s like a spoiled toddler who doesn’t know when to quit.
For a man who’s built his empire on immaturity, innuendo, evidence-free accusations, conspiracy theories, and just generally being a Grade-A, top-shelf, first-class asshole, Alex Jones seems genuinely unchastened by the verdict. Of course, Jones has always felt himself to be a righteous crusader and that all he needs to do to emerge victorious is shout down his adversary.
Now Jones may have finally met his match. The power of our judicial system may well take him for everything save the underwear he has on, and that would be some sweet, sweet justice, wouldn’t it. It may not happen overnight; it may take months or perhaps even years. And who knows what legal machinations Jones may attempt to pull in an effort to delay payment, but eventually he will be left with little but the clothes on his back and his attitude of victimhood.
No reasonable person could or should feel sorry for Alex Jones. He chose his path. He determined that his way to fame and fortune lay in crushing those who dared to get in his way or believe they could accomplish something positive.
For Jones, no one has a positive motive. EVERYONE is in it for themselves, to grab what they can while they can- and his role is to expose them for the criminals and corrupt hypocrites they are. Except that he’s the one whose become the corrupt hypocrite. There’s almost nothing he won’t do for a buck and almost no one he won’t denounce if he thinks he can profit from it.
Alex Jones is a horrible person, and the sooner we accept that, the better off we’ll be. As much as I try to find at least some good in a person, there’s nothing in Jones that speaks to goodness, kindness, or compassion. He radiates pure evil and his soulless, mercy-free attitude towards humanity makes him someone I wouldn’t piss on if he suddenly burst into flames.
I feel sorry for whoever has the misfortune of waking up next to Alex Jones every morning. May she retain her tenderness and kind heart and not fall victim to Jones’ soulless hypocrisy.
In the meantime, if Jones refuses to cooperate in paying the court-ordered, allow me to offer a simple three-word solution:
Lock. Him. Up.
In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy some well-deserve schadenfreude. I suspect it will be smooth, tasty, and oh-so-refreshing. I may even allow myself more than my normal share.
Because Alex Jones is a horrible person.
