This just in: Lindsey Graham is actually a 6'2" Puerto Rican transgender woman...or is he?

It makes as much sense as anything else that comes out of his mouth

Hypocrisy [ hi-pok-ruh-see ]: (noun, plural hy·poc·ri·sies) 1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess. 2. a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.

There was a time when the late Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) was still alive, that Sen. Lindsey Graham seemed like he might be a halfway decent Senator…for a Republican.

Sadly, Sen. McCain died from a brain tumor in 2018, and shortly after that, Sen. Graham seemed to lose his moral compass…and, with it, his mind- not that the Senator was a MENSA candidate to begin with. He could've been a 6'2" Puerto Rican transgender woman in a baggy, ill-fitting suit and tie…and it’s unlikely anyone would’ve cared.

The senior Senator from the Palmetto State had, once upon a time, produced this bit of bullshit brilliance on Twitter:

He understood what Donald Trump was about and was resolute in standing up to him…until he wasn’t, which made those of us who pay attention to such things wonder what Orange Jesus had on Sen. Graham.

Perhaps the rent boys at Washington’s Willard Hotel who serviced Sen. Graham one fine evening in early 2015 had captured the festivities on their iPhones and turned the video over to Trump had something to do with his sudden change of heart?

Yeah, glow-in-the-dark butt plugs and Mexican trains don’t make for a good look on campaign videos or cable news.

Then again, it’s entirely possible the Senator’s just a moral reprobate, someone whose conscience can be procured for the right price. That wouldn’t come as a shock.

Almost overnight, Sen. Graham went from trashing Trump to playing golf with him in Floriduh. Suddenly, he supported Mango Mussolini’s every thought, word, and deed as President. It was as if Sen. Graham had undergone a morality transplant, so complete was the change.

Since then, Sen. Graham’s ideology has been entirely MAGAfied. He even wants to turn Iran into a parking lot. He and Orange Jesus share the same political philosophy, and the senior Senator from South Carolina has been fully assimilated into MAGAworld (I assume he even has the Truth Social butt plug to show for it).

Yeah, that’s one way to look at it….

His latest rhetorical excess is one for the record books, though.

There’s a proposal pending in New York’s legislature that would require restaurants in state highway system rest areas to operate seven days a week. At face value, that might seem unremarkable, except the Chick-fil-A chain is closed on Sundays and would be affected by the proposed change.

It’s not yet clear whether the state legislation will pass, and according to an Associated Press report, the bill wouldn’t immediately apply to restaurants currently operating. Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina nevertheless said late last week that he was declaring “war” over the measure.

It was against this backdrop that the Republican senator appeared on Fox News this week and suggested that state legislators in the Empire State should follow the right’s ideological approach:

“The bottom line is conservatives are tolerant. We are, you know, kind of, get out of your business. You leave me alone, I’ll leave you alone.”

That Sen. Graham said that with a straight face is astonishing. Of course, he was on “Fox & Friends,” so no one was about to follow up such a ridiculous statement with a challenging question, but…seriously? WTF???

Conservatives are tolerant in the same way the Marquis de Sade was warm and cuddly. And they get out of our business like…well, like not at all. More than one state has made noise about outlawing gay sex, and Texas wants to forbid pregnant women from using state roads to leave the state in pursuit of abortion services.

So, again, I ask…WTF???

Back when Reince Priebus was the Chairman of the Republican National Committee, he occasionally produced inarticulate grunts about getting the GOP off the backs of the little guy. You remember that his thing was about the GOP becoming the Party of Small Government ©, right?

Yeah, about that….

It turns out that what Republicans had in mind was making government just small enough to fit into a woman’s vagina. Red states are still hard at work on that one and probably will be for some time. Texas, as usual, seems to be ahead of the pack when it comes to defining women as property.

Of course, Sen. Graham conveniently forgot to mention that he wanted to introduce a federal abortion ban, which means that, if passed, Republicans would succeed in banning abortion from coast to coast.

So much for getting out of your business, eh? Yeah, the Party of Small Government © is not nearly as small as it would (mis)lead us to believe. They want to be all UP in our business.

I often wonder…does Lindsey Graham believe his schtick? Does he honestly believe what he’s pitching on “Fox & Friends” and other friendly outlets where no one calls him on his bullshit and pretends he’s the most brilliant thing since Alexis de Tocqueville? Or was it Pee Wee Herman?

Graham’s description of conservatism certainly sounded quite nice. The government is going to get out of my business and leave people alone? It’s the kind of pitch that’s likely to have broad appeal.

The trouble, of course, is that the description comes with fine print that the South Carolinian neglected to mention. For Republicans, the goal is to keep government out of your business and leave you alone, just so long as you don’t want to terminate a dangerous or unwanted pregnancy. Or provide medical care for a transgender minor. Or read the “wrong” library book. Or teach a class the right considers racially provocative. Or run a business with policies the GOP considers “woke.”

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, Republicans whined incessantly about the Liberal “nanny state.” It turns out that every Republican complaint is a confession because that’s precisely what the GOP wants to turn America into- a nanny state in which Republicans exercise ultimate control over every aspect of life.

So, no, Republicans aren’t a “kind of get out of your business, you leave me alone, I’ll leave you alone” party- very much the opposite, in fact. And Sen. Graham is the worst sort of transparent liar and a lousy poker player.

Once upon a time, Conservatives stood for something besides whatever it took to attain and remain in power. Classical Conservatives like Edmund Burke and Russell Kirk established the baseline that Conservatism was about limited government and doing the most with the least. The government was meant to attend to foreign, defense, and economic policies. The rest should be left to the people, who always knew best what they needed.

Conservatives believed that government works best when it interferes the least and that it should be a bottom-up concept that trusts the people are wise and will always do the right thing.

(Have they met MAGA nation??)

Somewhere along the line, though, American Conservatives became power-hungry, corrupt, control-obsessed thugs. Their version of Conservatism had more in common with thuggery and authoritarianism…which helps to explain Donald Trump.

But, given Lindsey Graham’s dishonesty, who’s to say that he isn’t a 6’2” transgender Puerto Rican woman in disguise? It makes as much sense as anything that’s come out of his mouth over the past few years.

Maybe it was the rent boys….

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