"This product does three times the nothing that most other supplements do!"
Kash Patel tries to cash in on COVID-19 "science." In Trump World, the grift never ends.
One of the great things about AmeriKKKa is that no matter how dire the crisis, some enterprising businesscritter will attempt to monetize it. F’rinstance, Russia could be sending nuclear missiles our way, and someone would be trying to sell us nuclear war insurance, pop-up radiation-proof bunkers, or test strips to check radiation levels in our urine.
Capitalism, in all its glorious forms and iterations, is the gift that keeps on giving. Or taking, depending on your perspective, I suppose.
That’s why, during the COVID-19 pandemic, “guaranteed” cures (that turned out to be worthless) popped up everywhere. Some ended up being endorsed by President Trump, which meant that natural selection took over, and thousands of intellectually bereft MAGAnauts died following his recommendations.
That meant, of course, there was no way for them to follow up and get their money back on those “guaranteed” cures. Damn the bad luck, eh??
How many people drank bleach solutions, swallowed Ivermectin, had sex with farm animals, or followed other scientifically unproven regimens because they didn’t trust scientists or doctors?
Oh, but they trusted WebMD, YouTube, Google searches, or their cousin Larry, who’d heard something second- or third-hand at the corner bodega while buying a case of Bud Light.
And then they went home and ordered a cow online because they’d heard that regular bovine…um, “companionship” would keep COVID-19 from their doorstep.
Wait, you paid HOW MUCH for that cow? Damn, dude, you dumber than my cousin Larry, who couldn’t spell “WebMD” if you spotted him all the consonants.
The number of people who died because they refused to trust the government or medical science has to be staggering, though no one can put a number on that kind of stupidity. Natural selection being what it is, it certainly didn’t claim our best and brightest.
No, stupid usually goes down without a fight…but it always pleads and whines in an unseemly manner just before expiring.
And while it might be easy to think that the scams stopped once the pandemic wound down to the point where COVID-19 is at manageable but not civilization-threatening levels, the scamming has never really stopped. After all, the stupid people never really died out. They simply left to attend Trump rallies and buy lots of MAGA hats and “FUCK YOUR FEELINGS!!” t-shirts.
To wit:
I often think we need to give ourselves more credit on the Left, especially in times where there is a great deal of strife between the various factions. One of the things that I would like to congratulate us all on is that, to my knowledge, no one is using their influence to sell any scammy-seeming supplements (or gold, or $59.99 Bibles, or really anything that isn’t just “merch”). I mean, sure, Gwyneth Paltrow does, but I’m gonna say she’s her own thing and not especially political anyway.
On the Right, however, it’s almost like there’s some kind of law that the second some douchenozzle gets a large enough audience, they start selling their own branded nootropic supplements and what have you — which is all the evidence one needs to know that these supplements, which are meant to increase cognitive function, likely do not work as intended.
So, it should come as no surprise whatsoever that Trump idiot Kash Patel is now shilling a $90 COVID vaccine detox supplement on Trump’s Truth Social!
Of course, there’s no claim of effectiveness because it’s highly likely that this is 2024’s Ivermectin.
Horse paste minus the horse. Stay KKKlassy, Kash!!
Patel, like everyone in Trump’s orbit, is a two-bit grifter looking to separate suckers from their money. Given that he’s working his scam on Truth Social, there’s a good chance he’ll make bank off of it because his audience is just dumb enough to fall for it.
Over and over and over again. Nothing like a built-in repeat customer base.
Yeah, muh doctor says it won’t work, so I’m gonna buy me a six-month supply. I’ll show him and his fancy diploma’d ass!
Of course, there’s actual “science” behind this. Sort of. Kind of. Maybe. Yeah, well, some guy in Wet Fart, Arkansas says he tested in on his cousinwife and she grew a third breast. That was kinda hot, he said, but she didn’t get COVID-19, which was a relief.
What he didn’t say was that she died of sepsis from the dirty needle that was shirt with the “medicine.” Too bad, so sad….
We think the product’s inventor watched a few YouTube videos and read a few WebMD articles, but he knows what he’s talking about.
At least we’re pretty sure he does…but we’re disclaiming any legal responsibility.
Not only is this supplement, from a company called “Warrior Essentials” (how am I supposed to keep writing this if they keep killing me?), meant to “detox” those who took the vaccines, but also those who have been in the vicinity of those of us who have. You know, because we’re always shedding our spike proteins all over them.
And that gets pretty messy. You can see them if you wear the special X-ray specs that Patel also sells for a deeply discounted $199.95 per pair. One added bonus for guys is that these babies will also let you see beneath women’s underclothes, just like the X-ray specs Dad used to order from those comic books back in the ‘60s.
Of course, it should come as no surprise that most in the medical community consider the “shedding” of spike proteins to be…well, bullshit.
Then again, Patel, like almost everyone in Trump World, has never been one to let scientific consensus get in the way of his making a quick buck.
Patel captioned his post, “Mrna detox, reverse the vaxx n get healthy with @warrioressentials,” and tacked on a promotional graphic touting Warrior Essentials’ “Spike Protein Recovery System.”
“You were immune to the propaganda, but are you immune to the shedders,” reads the graphic. The system is comprised of three separate pill types that the company insists removes “toxins” from your cells, repairs “circulatory health,” and finally, restores “immunity and DNA stability.”
“Shedding,” according to Warrior Essentials, refers to a claim of “spike protein transmission from the vaccinated to the unvaccinated.”
“It’s important to understand we may all be at risk from spike proteins and covid vaccines, even if we are unvaccinated,” insists the pill company. “Studies have shown viral shedding of spike proteins is happening and it appears the messenger RNA is transferring from the vaccinated to the unvaccinated. This means the unvaccinated can be at risk for the same complications and negative effects as those who took the shots.” Vaccine shedding is considered a myth by most medical practitioners.
Of course, if you look into the “detox” a bit more, you get all sorts of technical-sounding science-y language intended to convince those unable to sort through the bullshit to get to the core of the matter. At the center of everything are many sorta-scientific-sounding big words that are supposed to lend credibility to the “science” behind the supplements.
In reality, if you buy the detox, what you’ll get is powdered snake oil mixed with Jiffy Lube 10W40 and a smidgen of butterscotch pudding.
“Detoxing,” of course, is already nonsense in and of itself. You do not need to be detoxed with vitamin supplements because that is what your liver, kidneys, and other organs are for. If there were “toxins” in your body that you could not flush out, you would die because actual “toxins” are poisonous. Anyone who sells you a detox is selling you nonsense. Or, at best, a laxative.
Then you’ve got a detox that specifically targets the vaccine! How, you ask? Well, let’s take a look, shall we?
Of course, targeting the vaccine isn’t simple or easy….
Apparently it requires not one, not two, but three bottles of nonsense supplements. The main supplement is Nocovidium™, which the website claims is….
The only health solution designed to detoxify the body by promoting autophagy using our patent pending 3-step approach.
(No, one of the three steps isn’t allowing your body to process bullshit naturally…but it should be.)
Provides optimal levels of Exogenous Polyamines to promote autophagy*
Provides a proprietary blend of precursors, cofactors, activators, and synthesizers to help increase Endogenous Polyamine production*
Formulated with real science to help inhibit Autophagic Dysregulation caused by spike proteins and other pathogens*
Oh, man…Exogenous Polyamines and Autophagic Dysregulation sounds like something someone with an Oxford Ph.D. in Autoerotic Asphyxiation should be discussing.
Or maybe “Exogenous Polyamines and Autophagic Dysregulation” was what Cousin Larry was charged with when he was caught masturabing on that Greyhound bus in West Nippleclamp, OK, yeah? I can never remember. I was just a wee lad when it happened, and no one in the family was ever willing to talk about it.
And I always wondered why the kept Cousin Larry locked in the basement for those last few years of his life.
Ah, but I digress….
With all that science-y stuff going into it, it’s got to be good. A bottle of all three pill types will cost just under $90. That's a helluva deal, no?
Man, with something that causes “Exogenous Polyamines and Autophagic Dysregulation,” you’d think you’d be able to rent out a vowel to help defray the expense of the “medication.” Unless, of course, that’s still a felony in 34 states.
But, if you’re still unconvinced, how about we throw more science-y big words at you?
Spermidine 3HCL, Resveratrol, Turmeric Extract , Berberine HCL, Green Tea Extract, Red Wine Extract, Grapeseed Extract, Dandelion Extract, L-Ornithine Hydrochloride, Black Pepper, Chronium Chloride, Magnesium Glycinate & carbonate, Sodium Selenite, Cholecalciferol, Zinc Sulfate, Fructooligosaccharides (FOS) prebiotic, Lactobacillus acidophilus, Bifido-bacterium lactis, Lactobacillus plantarum.
Now, I admit, I am not a scientist, but if I’m going to consume anything containing red wine and black pepper, I will be pouring it over some macaroni, please and thank you. Nothing in here is revolutionary and nothing in it is going to detox you from the vaccine or from those naughty spike proteins. How do I know this? Because, again, detoxing is not a thing. Even if it were a thing, it would not be remotely plausible for it to reverse the effects of a vaccine. Were that the case, we would have all done so by now because most of the ingredients can be found in food that we eat pretty regularly. Oh! And even if it were possible to reverse a vaccine through a detox, spike protein shedding is not a real thing either.
I don’t know about you, but they had me at Fructooligosaccharides (FOS) prebiotic and L-Ornithine Hydrochloride. Wow, Kash Patel can talk dirty to me ANYTIME, knowhutimean?
Phew…I may have to take a cold shower. I feel kinda tingly all over.
Still, if all that potential for better living through chemistry doesn’t work for you, I can set you up with some Ivermectin. I still have a warehouse full of the stuff I got from a shady Russian contact I met on the dark web. I’ll let it go FOR CHEAP for sure.
I have to; I’m not certain how much longer I can cover the lease on the warehouse. And there’s no telling when my Russian “friend” might want his money.
Or my left testicle.
OK, then, who needs some Ivermectin??
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