This Seems Like A Stupid Hill To Die On, But Whatever, Dude
No one's coming for yer gunz, but if dying on yer porch makes ya feel better, more power to ya
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I’m standing here on my front porch. This porch kind of became famous through the governor’s run, it became famous when I was speaking on nonsense. And I made a statement. And sometimes when we make these statements, we don’t know where this is going to go, but if need be, this front porch will be my final stand. I will not allow anyone to infringe on my property, on my Second Amendment rights. I will not allow anyone to come and take anything from me. And if need be, as I quoted before, I will die on this front porch before I give up any of my Second Amendment freedoms.
I can understand commitment to a cause. That can be commendable under the right circumstances. After all, if you’re willing to stand up and do the right thing, even at the risk of considerable personal danger, that’s worth noting. But if you’re an obscure Illinois gubernatorial candidate like Darren Bailey and you’re drawing your “line in the sand” at your front porch for no reason…you’re an idiot.
For one thing, Bailey is a diehard Proudly Intransigent Gun Control Foe. He believes the 2nd Amendment, the most willfully misinterpreted 27 words in the English language, allows him to own whatever firepower he desires in whatever quantity he chooses. Yes, that’s right; if he wants to park a 155mm howitzer in his front yard, then by God, that’s what he’ll do.
Except that Illinois isn’t down with that, and the state is taking steps to crack down on semi-automatic weapons whose only use is to slaughter large numbers of people.
Illinois is doing some pretty great things with guns these days — by which I mean the state is making it a whole lot tougher for terrible people to get the kind of terrible weaponry that makes a mass shooting so easy these days, as well as taking on the gun manufacturers.
On Friday, the Illinois Supreme Court found the state’s ban on semiautomatic weapons entirely constitutional and on Saturday, Gov. Pritzker signed the Firearm Industry Responsibility Act into law, which will “prohibit advertising and marketing that encourages para-military or unlawful private militia activity and advertising to individuals under 18,” bar gun companies from creating cartoons, stuffed animals and children’s clothing for marketing purposes and make it possible for victims of gun violence to sue gun manufacturers.
Why are we so happy about all of this? Because it’s going to make conservative gun owners unhappy. Or at least that’s what they think. Surely it couldn’t be that we don’t want to worry about kids getting their hands on AR-15s and shooting up their schools or anything. After all, who doesn’t love that?
Yeah, you’d think that anything capable of preventing the sales of semi-automatic weapons of war would be widely considered a good thing. As would prohibiting the “advertising and marketing that encourages para-military or unlawful private militia activity and advertising to individuals under 18.”
But Darren Bailey chose to interpret the Firearm Industry Responsibility Act as if it was directed at him personally. Being a Proudly Intransigent Gun Control Foe, Bailey gets an erection whenever he thinks about the 2nd Amendment. So the Firearm Industry Responsibility Act feels to him like the equivalent of taking away his access to Pornhub.
Bailey can certainly ring his property with Claymore anti-personnel mines, razorwire, and interlocking fields of fire if it makes him feel more secure. Still, the new law was in no way intended as a personal affront.
Of course, if Darren Bailey chooses to shed his mortal coil in a blazing suicide-by-cop conflagration of glory pay-per-view on ESPN The Ocho…well, that’s on him. But while he’s puffing himself up and ensuring his machismo hasn’t exceeded its sell-by date, ain’t no one coming to steal his guns.
The law at the center of the suit prohibits assault weapons, assault weapon attachments, .50-caliber rifles or .50-caliber cartridges -- the type of semi-automatic weapons used in many mass shootings around the country. It prohibits the purchase, sale, manufacture, delivery and import of these firearms. It gives exemptions to law enforcement, military, corrections and trained private security.
The Protect Illinois Communities Act was signed by Democratic Gov. J.B. Pritzker last year, hours after it was passed in a legislative session held months after a gunman opened fire at a July 4 parade in a Chicago suburb that left seven people dead and more than 30 others wounded.
Pritzker applauded the ruling minutes after it was announced, saying he was "pleased" with the decision.
"This is a commonsense gun reform law to keep mass killing machines off of our streets and out of our schools, malls parks, and places of worship," hr wrote in a statement. "Illinoisans deserve to feel safe in every corner of our state--whether they are attending a Fourth of July Parade or heading to work--and that's precisely what the Protect Illinois Communities Act accomplishes."
No, it’s a very common-sense law. No one not in the military or law enforcement has a need to own or carry a weapon of war. Police rarely need such weaponry, so why would civilians need to carry a weapon whose sole purpose is to kill large numbers of people in short order?
And it’s not as if Illinois is the first state to prohibit the sales and marketing of assault weapons; eight other states have done so. That ought to clue in Proudly Intransigent Gun Control Foes that these laws have passed Constitutional muster. The 2nd Amendment does not, as the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia used to say, guarantee the right to own a hand-held nuclear weapon if a citizen so desires.
Yes, even the 2nd Amendment, the most willfully misinterpreted 27 words in the English language, has its limits.
Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for Darren Bailey, who, without a persecution complex, would have nothing to live for.
