This Town Needs An Enema
And Kyle Rittenhouse knows he's just the man to administer it
Yes, America, if there’s one thing we don’t need, it’s 15 more minutes of fame for teenage double-murderer Kyle Rittenhouse. (By the way, you snot-nosed little punk, so that we understand one another: ACQUITTED does NOT mean INNOCENT. You can sue thank me later. Or not.)
So what’s our favorite immature double-murderer been doing since Wisconsin’s abortion of justice turned him loose upon the world? Making gay porn? Lecturing at Trump University? Getting serviced repeatedly by the Swedish Bikini Team? Going to junior high school proms and trying to get lucky afterward? If you’re like me, you’d rather not know, but you WOULD like to erase that smug smile from his “something-only-a-mother-could-love” face.
Especially since he’s managed to mention himself in the same breath as Johnny Depp. Eww….
Johnny Depp’s unexpected victory in his defamation suit against former spouse Amber Heard brought much joy to some of the worst people on Earth. This includes perpetual victim machine Kyle Rittenhouse, who tweeted last week that "the Johnny Depp trial is just fueling me, you can fight back against the lies in the media, and you should!”
Rittenhouse feels that the media, President Joe Biden, Whoopi Goldberg, and anyone else with a soul and a bank account sullied his good name with wild accusations that he killed people. He insists that he’s not a murderer because he was acquitted in a court of law. So was OJ Simpson. An acquittal keeps you out of prison or the electric chair. It doesn’t qualify you for Time magazine's Person of the Year.
Rittenhouse should be grateful he’s not sitting on Death Row looking at an execution date. With his acquittal, he feels bulletproof (pun entirely intentional) and untouchable, even if no reasonable person wants to be associated with an unrepentant killer and infantile mass shooter.
Unfortunately, plenty of UNreasonable people have no problem rubbing elbows with a sophomoric teenage double-murderer
The teen killer (true statement!) appeared on Tucker Carlson’s white male grievance fest Monday night where he whined some more about how the media made it impossible for him to enjoy a “normal” life after he shot two people dead, which is fatal, and permanently injured a third.
RITTENHOUSE: We’re going to make the media pay for what they did to me. They made it hard for me to live a normal life. I can’t go out in public. I can’t go to the store. It’s hard for me to go anywhere without security. Doing basic things like taking my dog to the dog park is difficult. So, they made it really difficult to be normal. And they affected future job opportunities to me. I don’t think I will ever be able to work or get a job because I’m afraid an employer may not hire me.
The snot-nosed punk is worried about living a “normal” life after killing two people? He should be grateful the state of Wisconsin isn’t about to hook a B-52 battery up to his testicles. He should also be thanking his lucky stars that he’s not facing the prospect of spending his life in prison orange and being someone’s “girlfriend.”
I’m thankful he’s having trouble finding work or living a “normal” life. Unfortunately, his two victims are not living life at all. He should think of them every day for the rest of his life. They should be the first thing he thinks about when he awakens and the last thing he thinks about before he goes to sleep at night.
Kyle Rittenhouse has no claim on a “normal” life, not when he’s murdered two human beings. Instead, he’s spent the last year or so playing the victim, claiming he’s been defamed by many on the Left, including President Joe Biden. He says he intends to file defamation suits against several celebrities, and I hope does. That way, he’ll spend all of his money on legal fees and be bankrupt by the time he’s 20. It would be a fitting denouement to a pointless and pathetic life.
He’s also actively sought fame and attention, maintaining his public figure status. He’s spoken at conservative conferences and was greeted as a liberator (of people’s lives) at Turning Point USA’s "AmericaFest.” Last week, Turning Point USA even presented Rittenhouse as an ideal catch for young conservative women eager to marry whiny babies who admit on national TV that they have no job prospects.
Of course, the dim picture he paints for his media-tainted future is contradicted by his adoring fans in Congress who’ve already offered him work. He’s clearly teeing up a "career” of steady rightwing grift.
Carlson has spent the past few weeks insisting you can’t prove that his Great Replacement Theory rhetoric influenced the racist Buffalo shootings, but he absurdly asked Rittenhouse, "When you go into public, do people repeat to you things they saw on social media or on say, NBC News or CNN?”
Rittenhouse is being treated as an authority (on murder?) when the ONLY thing on his resume is murdering two people at a protest in Kenosha, WI. He’s done little of note with his life, and yet Conservatives are eager to throw money at him. Why? Because he’s a Hero of the Cause to the Far-Right, a Brave Defender of the 2nd Amendment.
In truth, he’s a coward who very publicly murdered two people and got away with it because he claimed self-defense. Under Wisconsin law, that gave him a free pass. (Yes, Republicans have turned the Badger State into a Right-wing hellhole, but that’s another story for another time.)
No person should be able to murder two people and walk away without consequence. Period.
Ah, but I digress….
The media isn’t why people have a poor impression of Kyle Rittenhouse. He’s done a bang-up job of ensuring he revolts people. He’s an entitled snot-nosed kid who’s easy to hate, and he doesn’t care who knows it. Or too intellectually bereft to recognize the signs.
He believes he’s a hero because Fox News Channel and the Far-Right echo chamber tell him he is, but there’s nothing heroic about murdering innocent people in a fit of juvenile panic.
He’s complained that President Biden wouldn’t meet with him, as if the President’s obligated to meet with a teenage double-murderer whose entitled immaturity makes him easy to despise. He has no reason or right to expect the President or anyone else to sit down with him.
No reasonable, rational person who values justice would give him the time of day. He’s a two-bit bully and a double-murderer who deserves to be cast out of polite society.
Especially since he hasn’t been doing terribly well in the PR department of late:
Rittenhouse is being criticized for his machine gun video. The federal government heavily regulates the machine gun he was firing, so he has no idea what he’s talking about when taunting President Biden. It’s not particularly surprising since Rittenhouse isn’t the sharpest tool in the box.
Then there’s the controversy over where Rittenhouse will be (of IF he’ll be) attending college. First, he announced he was going to Arizona State University in Tempe, only to have ASU officials say that wasn’t happening.
Then Rittenhouse declared that he was excited to announce he’d be attending Texas A&M Univerity in College Station, which came as news to A&M officials. Then America’s favorite teenage double-murderer told the world he’d be going to Blinn College, a junior college just down Hwy. 290 from A&M in Brenham, TX.
The news took Blinn officials by surprise, though they did say he’d applied to Blinn but hadn’t yet registered for classes.
So, not only is Rittenhouse a double-murderer, but he’s also a lousy liar. Quelle surprise, non?
Now Rittenhouse is vowing to make the media pay? He’s revealing how the media’s “false narrative” has made his life miserable? Wow, the arrogance, immaturity, and lack of self-awareness behind those statements are stunning.
(Dude, you murdered two people. Perhaps it’s time to stop making this all about YOU??)
How about revealing how he made two people dead and wounded a third person? He’s managed to make this all about him without acknowledging his victims even for a moment. There’s been no guilt, no remorse, not even the barest shred of sadness over having ended the lives of two human beings and damaging that of a third.
Rittenhouse has no claim or right to a normal life; not today or any other day. Though he was acquitted of murder under Wisconsin law because he claimed “self-defense,” that doesn’t mean he’s innocent. His actions are directly responsible for what happened that night in Kenosha. But for him firing his weapon in a fit of macho panic, two people would be alive, and a third wouldn’t have a hole in their body.
I hope his memory of that night and the carnage he’s responsible for is with him every day of his pitiful life. Perhaps someday, he’ll gain the maturity necessary to understand the grievous nature of his act. And maybe he’ll gain some insight into the lives he irreversibly damaged through his recklessness. For now, though, he’s way over his allotted 15 minutes of fame shame.
In the meantime, I want to slap the smug right off his clownish face.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. North Stars and Cowboy Bars is a reader-supported newsletter and a wholly-owned subsidiary of Whiny Man-Babies For Christ, LLC. I hope you’ll take a few seconds to join the party and support my work via a paid subscription. While you’re at it, why not forward this to a few like-minded friends who might enjoy it!! You can also donate via Venmo (@Jack-Cluth).
