This Week In Stupid - EVERYTHING Bad Is Joe Biden's Fault
How could it not be? The man's VERY old...and he's a Democrat.
How do we know that the submarine’s imploding WASN’T Joe Biden’s Fault?:
Yes, the imploding of the OceanGate Expeditions Titan billionaire submersible transport device was a tragedy. Any loss of life under such circumstances is- but let’s not forget that a boat sunk in the Mediterranean with a loss of life of something like 500 people. Oh, but they were poor, desperate refugees…so bad, so sad?
Over 500 people died, and almost no media attention was devoted to it. Oh, well…just a buncha poor people, right? But a handful of billionaires die seven leagues under the sea, and you’d think that foul play may have been afoot.
Anyway, Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-TX) is determined to find a scapegoat and hang someone by their testicles. Because, as a former SEAL, Crenshaw KNOWS a leadership failure when he sees one (after all, he works with House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, the textbook definition of “leadership failure”).
Former Navy SEAL and current Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-TX) had strong words about the emergency response to the missing OceanGate submersible this week, calling it an “epic failure of leadership.”
Crenshaw appeared on Fox News Thursday night, where host Trace Gallagher rolled tape from Crenshaw speaking to reporters on the steps of the Capitol.
“I have been hearing a lot of concerning things from people, the civilian side who are involved in this,” Crenshaw told reporters. “You know, we’ve got to look into it, see what’s true and what isn’t…What appears to be the case is epic failure in leadership. Where exactly that leadership failure is, I don’t know. Is it the White House, Coast Guard, Navy? I’m not sure.”
Could it be (GASP!!) Joe Biden’s fault?? A grieving and horrified nation demands answers!!!
IMPEACH!! IMPEACH!! Because when you peel away all of the propaganda and bullshit, isn’t everything Joe Biden’s fault?
Literally EVERYTHING I’ve seen about Donald Trump, Jr., is insane and sketchy AF:
It appears Junior put down his coke spoon long enough to hold forth on the billionaire sub implosion. And, sure enough, it took about a nanosecond for him to turn an abject tragedy into a cheap-ass conspiracy theory.
Of course, any accident with a tragic resolution will raise questions, and this one will present more than most. To Junior’s way of thinking (which barely resembles a thought process), unanswered questions can only mean that evil men with bad intent are afoot. Oh, and we must investigate to expose the nefarious things being done to suppress the truth.
It was inevitable that the story of the missing submersible in the North Atlantic would spark conspiracy theories. On Wednesday, as the frantic search continued, Donald Trump Jr. earned the distinction of becoming the first prominent pundit to lean into conspiracy over the vessel, which disappeared while taking passengers to view the wreck of the Titanic at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
“Literally everything I’ve seen about this missing submarine is insane and sketchy AF… almost none of it makes any sense whatsoever,” the former president’s son wrote in a multiple question mark tweet on Wednesday. “How long till we find other external factors making it even more so???”
Was it NOAA? The Freemasons? The Illuminati? The Green Bay Packers? Shouldn’t we be to discern the truth? And why is Junior the only one asking these questions??
I don’t get it…Hunter Biden was supposed to be the linchpin that would bring down the Biden crime family:
Hey, guess what? The President’s son did some stupid shit he did while high AF and got the same sort of sentence anyone else in his situation would’ve received.
REPUBLICANS ARE INCENSED THAT HE’S NOT BEING BURNED AT THIS STAKE!!!
BURN HIM!!! HE’S A WITCH!!!
Gym Jordan was convinced that Hunter Biden would be stripped naked, quartered, and his body spread by vultures to the four corners of the country. Imagine Gym’s disappointment when he learned that the President’s son wouldn't see the inside of a prison cell…like most people in his circumstances.
As for the Biden crime family…well, you’ll have to talk to Hillary Clinton. She’s the one who had Vince Foster murdered, after all. And he had all the answers.
It’s true; most of the people left on Twitter these days are blithering idiots:
Ask me how much I miss Twitter….
When you’re so flippin' brain-dead that you think you’re smart, this is about the best you could hope for:
Having just graduated magna cum loudly from Trump University’s MAGA University's Skool of Foreign Policy, Mr. G.W. Behn reduced his doctoral dissertation to one tweet. And it’s brilliant stuff, huh?
Imagine how much better our foreign policy would be with a battalion of brainiacs like @gwbehn at the helm. Who needs smart guys versed in Indian toilet shortages or Ukrainian grain harvests when all we need is shitferbrainz like @gwbehn telling us how to Make America Great Again, eh?
Frankly, I’d settle for anyone who could find a way to make America intelligent again.
Josh Hawley Delivers Christian Nationalist Rallying Cry Against ‘Woke’ at Road to Majority:
Suppose anyone in the Senate could raise a battle cry for Stupid (besides Rand Paul, Lindsey Graham, John Cornyn, Tommy Tuberville, Rick Scott, Marsha Blackburn, and most of the GOP Caucus). I’d choose Sen. Josh Hawley, who’s to masculinity and morality what the Greatest Generation was to desertion.
If there’s one person I don’t want lecturing me about Christian morality- or any morality- it’s Sen. Hawley, whose sense of honesty and integrity approximates what nuclear winter is to actual winter. The man lives in Virginia but occupies a Senate seat from Missouri. The last time I checked (and this may have changed), he didn’t even own a home in Missouri.
Sen. Hawley is so slimy, dishonest, and ethically challenged that he makes Joe Isuzu (Google it, kids) look like Pope Francis. His moral core resembles how Dorothy Parker once described Oakland- “There’s no ‘there' there.” And yet there he was at the Faith and Freedom Coalition’s annual circle jerk, lecturing the drooling, knuckle-dragging crowd on morality. And, per expectations, he took time to decry “woke.” Because no good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian heterosexual wants to be perceived as giving a damn about lesser human beings.
Hawley delivered a Christian nationalist rallying cry at the religious-right activist conference Road to Majority on Friday morning, saying the Christian faith had “formed the soul of this country” and denouncing “the new priests of wokery” who he claimed are trying to “impose on us a religion of woke.”
“There is not one square inch of all creation over which Jesus Christ is not Lord,” Hawley said, declaring that “the time for Christians to rise is now.”
Hawley also struck a right-wing populist pose, denouncing corporations that he claimed were pushing “a Marxist agenda” and “religion of woke.”
“Corporations are not people, and there’s no reason why corporate America should control this country,” Hawley said, calling for “woke corporations” to “get out of politics.”
Hawley’s anti-corporate posturing is remarkable given his ardent support for the Hobby Lobby corporation and its lawsuit against the Affordable Care Act’s requirements for contraception coverage in insurance policies, a lawsuit that led the conservative Supreme Court majority to rule for the first time ever that a for-profit corporation could claim exemption from government regulations that run counter to the religious beliefs of company owners.
As Right Wing Watch noted about Rep. Jim Banks’ Thursday afternoon remarks, the denunciations of “wokeness” that are dominating today’s speeches at Road to Majority do not reflect the opinions of most Americans. Recent polls have found that a majority of Americans believe that being woke—which they understand to mean “to be informed, educated on, and aware of social injustices”—is a positive thing, and they believe politicians’ attacks on “wokeness” are a “distraction” from more important issues.
Of course. Republicans are far more interested in culture war issues. They want to be assholes- to women of childbearing age, the LGBTQ community, transgender children, and immigrants. Let’s not forget those who didn’t win the genetic lottery and weren’t born White, Conservative, Christian, and heterosexual.
It sucks to be them, eh??
Perhaps Sen. Hawley might be well-advised to stop and consider that his inveighing against the “religion of woke” is, in fact, a condemnation of the same Jesus Christ he professes to revere.
Remember love, tolerance, acceptance, tolerance, and understanding? Yeah…all those things are “woke.” And they’re precisely what the Prince of Peace preached to His followers. Except for perhaps Philistines like Sen. Hawley and the good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian heterosexuals at the Faith and Freedom Coalition’s annual circle jerk.
What would Jesus do? I have no idea; I’m an atheist. But you can bet that Sen. Hawley believes he knows…and he’s not afraid to speak on behalf of Jesus Christ, with whom he probably exchanges regular bro-hugs.
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha…you blithering idiot:
If you live in a world where only one awful/horrible/weird/strange can happen at a time…and anything else is clear and obvious proof of a conspiracy by the Biden crime family, you must be Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN). Yes, the junior Senator from the Great State of Tennessee, a graduate of Mississippi State University with a B.A. in Cake Batter Management, is a bit…dense.
Though she made it through MSU, a football factory not renowned for academic rigor, she left with an education but not the ability to put that edumication to use. The idea that two things could happen- or at least be announced- on the same day isn’t conclusive proof of a Biden crime family conspiracy…unless you’re the junior Senator from the Virulent Homophobia State.
Authorities searching for the Titan said Thursday afternoon that the vessel seemed to suffer a “catastrophic” failure not long after launching into the North Atlantic on Sunday, killing all aboard. It took several days to mobilize high-tech equipment and locate any sign of the sub. After a debris field on the ocean floor turned out to be remnants of the Titan, the U.S. Navy revealed that it had detected what was likely the sound of the vessel imploding Sunday, although the Navy said it could not be sure at the time.
Also on Thursday, the GOP-led House Ways and Means Committee convened behind closed doors and voted to release IRS whistleblower testimony criticizing a federal investigation into Joe Biden’s son.
The interviews with the two whistleblowers had taken place weeks ago, not the same day as the Titan announcement, as Blackburn suggested.
The pair alleged that the Justice Department improperly interfered with the investigation of Hunter Biden, which began as a tax probe and expanded to look at his business dealings. Attorney General Merrick Garland staunchly denied accusations of wrongdoing.
The younger Biden — who has long been a target of Republican ire — reached an agreement with prosecutors on two tax-related charges and one gun charge Tuesday. Republicans have been calling it a “sweetheart deal.”
According to most nonpartisan and knowledgeable legal sources, Biden the Younger received the same deal that would’ve been given to anyone in his circumstances. It wasn’t a “sweetheart deal.” He didn’t receive preferential treatment because he’s the President’s son. Blackburn and the GOP wouldn’t have been satisfied with anything short of Biden the Younger being executed by a car battery attached to his testicles as he floated in the Washington Monument’s reflecting pool.
What a bunch of f*****g ghouls. Yeah, they hate Joe Biden Just. That. Much.
DeSantis Warns Of 'Woke' In Bizarre Speech Claiming He Saw 'People Defecating' In Public:
Listen to Ron DeSatan long enough, and you’re likely to believe one of two things:
Democrats are turning America into a Left-wing “woke” hellhole where people inject hard drugs in plain sight, defecate on sidewalks, and become Green Bay Packers fans. Oh, the humanity….
Ron DeSatan is a hyperpartisan protofascist whose thirst for absolute power knows no bounds. He wants nothing more than to turn America into a larger version of Floriduh, where never is heard a discouraging word…especially if that word is “gay,” “woke,” “CRT,” “Liberal,” or “godless atheism.”
Sure, San Francisco has its issues, but so does every large city. Perhaps rather than slamming cities with Democratic mayors, DeSatan could offer suggestions or assistance.
Nah, it’s far more politically expedient to kibbitz from the sidelines and pretend that he has the answers. If only America would put him in the White House so he could quash civil liberties and free speech- you know, the things that make America what it is.
DeSantis, who recently dropped a campaign video criticizing the “collapsed” city over its “leftist policies,” received pushback from San Francisco Mayor London Breed (D), who called his comments part of “the oldest playbook in politics to get attention.”
Twitter users similarly slammed the Florida governor over his remarks, pointing to reports of people pooping in public in the Sunshine State and noting that Florida has “significantly higher” drug overdose mortality rates than California.
Floriduh isn’t the Shining City on the Hill that DeSatan wants to paint it as. Larger cities there have the same problems found in San Francisco, LA, Boston, New York, and other major cities. The difference is that DeSatan chooses to ignore what’s happening in his backyard.
Compassion for those who may be suffering and down on their luck would be a good place to start for a leader such as DeSatan. Sadly, compassion isn’t in his DNA, and he’d much rather hammer people already in difficult straits and make their lives even more challenging than to offer a hand up.
As one Twitter wag asked, imagine a Democratic politician talking about Arkansas in such an offhanded and compassion-deprived manner. Republicans would be well within their rights to pound that person for putting partisanship over finding compassionate solutions.
So why is it OK for Republicans to do the same thing? Because Republican politicians almost universally lack the compassion gene. Yeah, they’re assholes…why else would they want to take free school lunches away from children from low-income families?
Fox News Runs Bizarre Chyron Claiming Obama Said ‘You’re Not Allowed to Criticize Me’
Hmm…I don’t know about you, but I never realized that Barack Obama had been an autocratic, my-way-or-the-highway dictator for eight years.
Friday’s Jesse Watters Primetime featured a strange chyron claiming that former President Barack Obama said people aren’t allowed to criticize him.
The show was guest-hosted by Pete Hegseth, who played clips of CNN’s Christiane Amanpour’s interview with Obama this week. At one point, Obama took a shot at Fox News.
“If you’re watching Fox News or following some right-wing radio host or getting Facebook feeds within that bubble, your reality is different than if you read the New York Times or watch your program,” the former president said. “And when people are getting such fundamentally different facts, or what they think to be facts and their world views so skewed in one direction or another, then it’s very hard for democracy to work.”
So, with some time to kill before they aired a clip of the interview, someone at Fox News decided to portray Obama as someone who thinks of himself as a God-King.
So much for “fair and balanced,” eh?
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Be sure to tune in next week, when our guest will be Wagner Group major domo Yevgeny Prigozhin, who will discuss his favorites for the second half of the Major League Baseball season.
Until then, Comrades!