This Week In Stupid- "He IS God's Anointed"

"The leftists believe in demons and politics at the same time." Yes, we most certainly do.

Joe Biden Won't Let Texas Gov Greg Abbott Declare Actual War On Mexico:

We already knew that Texas Gov. Greg Abbott is a heartless monster, even for a Republican. But what he’s up to now is a low point, even for a (barely) human being with no soul.

As expected, the Justice Department has followed through on its letter last week telling Texas Gov. Greg Abbott to either remove a 1000-foot border barrier made of floating orange buoys from the Rio Grande near Eagle Pass, Texas, lest the government sue Texas to make him do it. The government’s suit came at light speed after a Texas EMT’s report that the state was literally ordering troopers to push small children back into the river, as well as that a pregnant woman had miscarried when caught in barbed wire along the shoreline.

On Monday, the DOJ filed suit in federal court in Austin, saying that Abbott had violated “sections 12 and 17 of the Rivers and Harbors Appropriation Act of 1899,” which forbids obstructing the “navigable waters of the United States” without the federal government’s authorization, to say nothing of the express permission of the commissioner of river baseball.

Of course, Gov. Abbott’s defense is, “Well, it’s not like Brown People are real human beings,” Um…yes…yes, they are actual flesh-and-blood human beings who were just unfortunate enough not to be born in The Uber-Jesusified Republic of Texistan.

Gov. Abbott, who seems to have been watching WAY too much Fox News, has been pushing a bizarre theory that he believes gives him the power to declare war. Of course, declaring war on what or who is something no one’s quite sure of, but TEXAS IS MAD AS HELL, AND THEY AIN’T GONNA TAKE IT NO MORE!

It’s almost as if Gov. Abbott is posturing to score political points by ratcheting up the crazy and gratuitous cruelty.

Anyway, in November, Gov. Abbott sent a letter to President Biden invoking his theory:

First, he asserted that Biden had failed to “honor” the so-called invasion clause, which says that the federal government “shall protect each [state] against Invasion.” Second, he wrote that he would invoke his power under Article 1, Section 10, which says, “No State shall, without the consent of Congress, … engage in War, unless actually invaded, or in such imminent Danger as will not admit of delay.” Biden’s purported refusal to enforce immigration law, he reasoned, had placed Texas in “imminent danger,” giving the governor power to “engage in war.” (A war against Mexico? Cartels? Migrants themselves? Abbott did not clarify.)

Unfortunately for Gov. Abbott, his theory is pure bullshit because the immigrants he despises are civilians and can’t be construed as an invading military force.

Sorry, Governor. We know you’ve always wanted to ride in front of an army defending The Uber-Jesusified Republic of Texistan. Still, perhaps you could go back to persecuting women needing reproductive healthcare. That should feel pretty good, yeah??

“You Are Turning Them Into The Lesbians”:

Offered without comment, because…seriously, is any needed?

Twitter Users Mock Right-Wing Podcaster's Wish To Go Back To 1220:

No one will ever accuse Michael Knowles of being a forward-thinking person. No, his eyes are permanently affixed to his rear-view mirror in a way few ever will be. So enamored of the past is Knowles that he wishes we could go back to 1220.

I’m guessing he does not wish for the scurvy, black plague, and witch-burning that made 1220 such a good time, but I could be wrong.

Although conservatives get mocked for unrealistically wanting to return things back to the 1950s, one right-wing podcaster thinks that’s not far enough.

In fact, Michael Knowles of The Daily Wire said on Thursday that he thinks life would be better if the culture became as conservative as it was back in 1220.

And no, that’s not a typo; he said it.

Knowles said in an episode of his podcast that “Americans are as conservative today as they were back in 2012.” He cited “Gallup polling,” likely referencing this recently released poll that shows about 38% of Americans call themselves conservative or very conservative on social issues, compared with 33% and 30% in 2022 and 2021, respectively.

Although he considered that level of conservatism to be “a good start,” Knowles admitted that wasn’t backward enough for him.

“I do not want America to be as socially conservative as 2012. I want our civilization to be as socially conservative as we were in 1220,” Knowles said. “I don’t even want the 1950s. I don’t even want the 1880s. I want 1220. That would be a good spot to land at. At the very least, I think we oughta be as conservative as we were before all the modern ideology started corroding our civilization.”

So, women as property? “Undesirables” are tortured and killed? State- and Church-sanctioned child abuse? Trial by ordeal? Feudal subsistence farming? Invasion by Mongol hordes? Towers of sun-bleached skulls? Nun’s picking a crop of dicks from their orchards? Being slaughtered by our Catholic neighbors for being apostates? I could go on, but 1220 sounds like SO much fun.

That’s if the rats didn’t give us bubonic plague or we didn’t die of scurvy. Then again, we probably wouldn’t live past 35, anyway.

Ohio Republicans Sure Hope You Sleep Through August 8 Election So Abortion Can Stay Banned Forever:

Jesus, aren’t Republicans just the worst, most vile excuses for human beings to ever drag their knuckles and leave slime trails across the Earth? As if gratuitous cruelty and the infliction of pain and suffering weren’t enough, the Ohio GOP has taken being assholes to 13 on a scale of 1-10.

Now they want to make it hard to amend the state’s Constitution, which means that even if they lose their majority, it would be exceedingly difficult to eliminate the Republican ban on abortion.

Yeah, they’re just that evil.

The Republicans who run Ohio’s Legislature have resurrected one of their worst ideas from last year, a measure that would make it harder for Ohio voters to amend the state constitution by ballot initiative. Since 1912, citizen-proposed ballot initiatives have only required a simple majority to pass. Ohio Issue 1, up for a vote in a special election on August 8, would change the threshold for amending the state constitution to a 60 percent majority, a far more difficult total to reach. (Initiatives to pass laws would keep their current 50 percent-plus-one-vote threshold.)

Now, that’s obviously anti-democratic to start with, but the reason Ohio Republicans want this thing to pass — and the reason they scheduled the election for the summer, when the already low turnout for special elections drops off even further — was that Republicans want to head off the possibility of a future citizen-passed amendment that would enshrine the right to abortion in Ohio’s constitution. You know, like the amendments passed last fall in California, Michigan, and Vermont, in addition to wide rejection of abortion limits in other states.

If there’s one thing Republicans have proven over the past few years, it’s that their Prime Directive is very simple:

FUCK DEMOCRACY.

Issue 1 wouldn’t only raise the threshold for passing a constitutional amendment, though; it would make it much harder for citizens to even get an amendment on the ballot in the first place. Under current Ohio law, constitutional amendments can get on the ballot in one of two ways. They can be proposed by the Legislature, or proposed by citizens who then have to gather an assload of signatures on petitions, making sure that they have signatures from at least 44 of the state’s 88 counties. Issue 1 would require petitioners have signatures from all 88 counties instead, vastly increasing the cost of petition gathering and the chances of failure. The measure also eliminates the existing “make up” period that allows petitioners to get more signatures if they fall short.

Then if a citizen amendment does make it to the ballot, there’s that higher vote threshold to pass it. (The same 60 percent threshold would apply to Legislature-proposed amendments, too.)

And, while you might be forgiven for thinking that Ohio’s Republicans would want to be at least reasonably subtle about their reasons for Issue 1…. Nah, fuck it; they’re not even bothering to camouflage their strategy or reasoning.

Ohio Republicans have been fairly open about why they rushed Measure 1 onto the ballot in August: In March, state Sen. Matt Huffman (R) explained it was all about blocking two big ballot initiatives expected for the November general election. One would secure the right to reproductive healthcare, and another would legalize recreational weed.

Just in case Huffman was too subtle, Secretary of State Frank LaRose (R) explained to a Republican Party meeting that democracy is an intolerable threat to rightwing minority rule, saying that Issue 1 is “100 percent about keeping a radical pro-abortion amendment out of our constitution. The Left wants to jam it in there this coming November.”

Clearly, the solution is to jam in an amendment that subverts democracy. As Signal Cleveland notes, LaRose hasn’t been quite so upfront with reporters, to whom he’s “repeatedly denied” Issue 1 is meant to forestall any changes to Ohio’s strict abortion restrictions.

Yeah, right. Republicans understand that they’re unlikely to be the majority party before long. Why would they when they have nothing of substance to offer but culture war issues? They have no fiscal, foreign, or actual policy in any area save for the never-ending culture wars.

And so they’re focused on creating mechanisms for being a permanent majority minority government. No, they may not be the party with the biggest numbers, but if they’ve done things correctly, they’ll be the party in charge for a long time to come.

FUCK DEMOCRACY.

Family trying to ‘live off the grid’ probably froze and starved to death, coroner says:

Famous last (and I do mean “last”) words- “they did their own research.”

It’s one thing to want to “live off the grid.” It’s quite another to do it because it’s nowhere near as simple as you think. This is particularly true if you’re talking about living off the grid in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains, where the harsh winters can test even the hardiest and most experienced outdoors people.

Unfortunately, Rebecca Vance was anything but hardy or experienced, and she and her son paid for her hubris and inexperience with their lives.

When Rebecca Vance went on a camping trip with her 14-year-old son and her sister last summer, she hoped the excursion to Colorado’s Rocky Mountains could be a path for them to “live off the grid” and start a new permanent way of life away from civilization, according to a family member.

But the decision to disconnect turned out to be deadly after three decomposed and partially mummified bodies were identified Tuesday, not long after the remains were found at a remote campsite in western Colorado. The deceased were identified by Gunnison County, Colo., Coroner Michael Barnes as Rebecca Vance, 42; her 14-year-old son, who has not been publicly identified; and her sister, Christine Vance, 41, all of Colorado Springs.

Worried about how the world was going, Ms. Vance decided that the best way to keep it from affecting her and her son was to get away from it and live off the grid. Never mind that she had no prior experience with the off-the-grid lifestyle. She’d “done her research” by watching YouTube videos and then set off with her sister and son into the woods.

She hadn’t even been camping since she was a kid. To say she was ill-equipped for the rigors of winter in the Rocky Mountains would be an understatement.

“It was a significantly harsh winter for us this year, and it always is here, but we did have more snow than we have had in the past couple of winters,” Barnes told the Colorado Sun.

Neither Barnes nor Gunnison County Sheriff Adam Murdie immediately responded to requests for comment Wednesday morning. Murdie told reporters this month that it appeared the victims had frozen to death “or the combination of starved or froze.”

“This is not a typical occurrence anywhere, by any means,” Murdie said of the case at a news conference earlier this month.

The idea of living off the grid — an independent lifestyle that calls for people to be self-sufficient and not rely on public utilities — has been analyzed by researchers in recent years as more of an individualistic dream than an economically viable solution for most people.

To live off the grid- in even the most basic sense- requires survival skills and training that Ms. Vance didn’t possess. She and her companions were wholly unprepared for what winter had in store, so they either froze or starved to death…or a combination of both.

This may seem trite, but it’s true- don’t try this at home, kids.

Paul Gosar Wants To Make Jesus Go To Rehab, Dems Say No, No, No:

Outside of Rep. Marjorie Trailer Greene (R-GA), is there a more thoroughly sick and damaged person in the House of Representatives than Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ)?

I know it’s hard to imagine, but the White Nationalist (and Christian Nationalist) from Arizona would look right at home in an SS uniform, don’tchathink?

Rightwing Congressman, dentist, and white-teeth nationalist Rep. Paul Gosar (R-DDS-Arizona) complained in a House Oversight Committee hearing yesterday that Joe Biden’s strategy for fighting the overdose crisis is seriously flawed because it doesn’t have any God in it. The hearing was supposed to be about the federal Office of National Drug Control Policy’s approach to the opioid crisis, but Gosar found a severe oversight in the plan, which he had either read or asked a staffer to open and then do a quick text search upon….

Of course, Gosar knows precisely what’s ailing America- a pronounced lack of Jesus.

“Biden’s National Drug Control Strategy is 150 pages. The words ‘God’ and ‘faith’ are not mentioned one time. People need a purpose to be happy. To quote Robert F. Kennedy [Jr.] — I know that’s awful hard — ‘Unemployment kills.’”….

“The Left offers endless benefits. In other words, dependency. Because a dependent population votes for the providers of those benefits. But a human being needs a purpose — a good job, the ability to provide for a family, a belief in a creator — in order to be happy.”

Yeah, if only more folks would turn to God and obediently vote Republican, this country would be in a MUCH better place, wouldn’t it? Especially for corrupt, incompetent God Squadders like Gosar, who’d wear his SS uniform more often, but prefers to save it for special occasions.

RFK Jr.'s Latest Tweet Is Being Widely Interpreted As A Nazi Dog Whistle:

Democratic Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., hasn’t covered himself in glory over the past few weeks. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know he’s been accused of being a racist (he IS as crazy as a March hare), and it’s been fun to watch him deny saying the things he’s on video saying.

Now it appears he may have (whether deliberately, subtly, or inadvertently) endorsed Nazism in a tweet. The man does have a way of stepping in it, doesn’t he??

A tweet from the account of Democratic presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. on Friday used language that many observers say evokes the known Nazi hate symbol “1488.”

A post on the candidate’s official Twitter account used the numbers 14 and 88 in close proximity.

Kennedy has not responded to HuffPost’s request for comment or explained the post elsewhere as of Friday afternoon. It’s not clear whether he personally approved the tweet.

Of course, this all seems pretty silly…and it is. Except with RFK, Jr.’s recent record, he can’t afford any missteps, even if they’re only perceived boo-boos. Do I think RFK, Jr., is a Nazi sympathizer? No, I don’t…but given his recent comments about Chinese and Jews…well, who knows?

Whether he’s intended to head in this direction or not, RFK, Jr. has earned a well-deserved reputation as a crackpot. His anti-vaccine advocacy alone would earn him that label, but he seems intent on building his legacy as a well-rounded crackpot.

Unfortunately, he’s become more of an embarrassment and a diversion than anything. Would that he had the self-awareness and common sense to see his way clear to dropping out of the race.

Josh Hawley Catches Flak For Harebrained Take On New Trump Document Charges:

Don't judge a man by his opinions, but what his opinions have made of him.

• Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

For two people with JDs from two pretty good schools, I’m astonished at how dense Laura Ingraham and Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) can be when they put their minds to it. Or don’t put their minds to it, as in this case.

The additional charges The Former Guy faces aren’t difficult to understand. I’m a history major, and I can make sense of them. Why Ingraham and Hawley are struggling so mightily defies rational understanding. They may be well-educated, but they’re also just that willfully stupid.

Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.), the former attorney general of Missouri, seemed to have a really tough time grasping why a third person had been indicted in the classified documents probe against Donald Trump, despite the senator’s legal background and claims from prosecutors.

“Now, Laura, we’re down to charging random people — just throwing those into the indictment,” Hawley told Fox News’ Laura Ingraham on Thursday night.

His comments followed news that Carlos de Oliveira, a maintenance worker at Mar-a-Lago, had been charged in the Justice Department probe, which is looking at Trump’s handling of classified documents taken from the White House to his Florida estate.

Trump himself was hit with three additional felonies, bringing his total to 40 counts in the case. The former president and his aide Walt Nauta had previously been charged last month….

As social media users noted, Hawley — who bills himself as “one of the nation’s leading constitutional lawyers” on his Senate webpage — should not have had a difficult time understanding the indictments or the reasons for charging de Oliveira, who was very much not a “random” person in the case.

No, Senator, they’re not charging “random” people. You’re choosing to be a dumbass randomly and convincingly. The charges themselves are pretty easy to understand. If I, a mere writer and history major, can grasp them, then I think “one of the nation’s leading constitutional lawyers” should be able to figure them out, no?

Isn’t it time you pulled your anterior from your posterior and stopped being such a freakin’ hypocrite??

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That’s it for this episode of This Week in Stupid. Join us next week when Senate Minority Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) meet to determine who can go the longest before someone realizes they’re having a stroke.

Until then….